About these two things, and my question is, wwyd?

[gigglepin]

1. Ds was taken, very very kindly to a skate park about 3 miles away with a boy he knows from football and his mum on Sunday. Ds told me when he got home, that he didnt wear a seat belt because it is broken in the ladies car and she has not got round to having it repaired.
   So it was lovely of her to take him, she and her son were safely strapped in, but my boy wasnt.

2. Took ds to a friends house, me for coffee ds to play with his son, kids went off upstairs (ds aged 8 friends boy aged 7 nearly 8).
   I didnt know that there was one of these Xbox type thingies upstairs, and the boys were playing on a game called "duty call" or some such.
   Ds said that there was loads of swearing in it. DH tells me that this game is either an 15 or aged 18 game...
   (Sorry for ignorance, but we dont have any electronic gaming thingois in our house so i dont know anything about them) Ds says that this game belongs to the child, not my friend.

Again, really kind allowing us to go and play, but i feel cross..would you and aibu??

ps normally ds goes to friends house and plays lego etc, i dont normally go and check on them while playing as they are ok to be left. Before i get a flaming for leaving him unantended or anything.

I probably wouldn't say anything (because I'm a wimp) but I'd be bloody cross and I wouldn't let my dcs play with these children again unless it was at my house under my supervision.

It's too late to do anything now other than refuse to allow DS to go anywhere in that car until the belt is fixed, or to play with the child with the X box again.
I'm not sure quite what you want to know here? do you feel you should have inspected the car before DS got in? or that this woman should have mentioned the seat belt thing so you could decide, as his parent, if your DS was allowed to travel or not? (which would be my prefernce I think, rather than finding out later) Do you think less of the other mother for letting her child have a games console? or letting him play adult war games on it?

Thats daft i wouldnt examine the car befre ds got in it...i presumed that there would be working seatbelts available!

I feel that these things were out of my control, and taken out of my hands as safety is of course paramount.... to me anyway.

The games things, i was shocked that such a young child was allowed access to vioelnt games with foul language, but this seems to be accepted and the norm to my freind as if its me that is being over protective and ott.
Im not tho..am i?

i am a wimp too, so wont say anything to either, but will politely say no to any offers in the future...but ds will be gutted as he really likes his pal and loves scootering at the mo.
DH says to not worry and that he will take them from now on so its not an issue. I am secretly cross tho.

Freind, i think that i will invite them here to our house in future.

I think your child is old enough for you to set clear boundaries/rules now he's going out and about with other people.

If you don't want him to travel without a seat belt or to play games like that then you need to tell him he's not allowed.

My DS's friends tell me if they're not allowed to watch certain DVDs or if they're not allowed to do certain things...and in the absence of their parents that's often all you can rely on.

Neither situation should have happened imo but it did, so your son was the only one there who could have said no.

I would think the game is called call of duty or COD for short. It is not uncommon for younger children to have these game, not that I agree with it but it does happen a lot.
As far as the seatbelt thing goes, I would be livid. That is just not on.
I would swat up on the xbox/Playstation stuff as you will be harassed very soon for one. It is a boy thing to be honest, they drive me mad personally but we have a playstation, can't really get out of it with 3 boys (2 teens).
I would not be letting him go in the car again. As far as the game goes, I think as long as he knows that it is not real and he knows that things in it, such as swearing, are not acceptable then you and he will be fine. If you had said he was having nightmares or getting worried about what was involved in the game then that would be different, but you haven't mentioned any thing like that.

Surely he should NOT be traveling in any car without a seat belt, is that not the law? (Or so i thought)

yanbu!

both absolutely shocking!

i WOULD say something to both the parents actually.
"ds says that he didn't wear a seatbelt in your car on sunday, is that right?"
"ds says that he was allowed to play a 15 game at your house, is that right?"

and when they say yes then inform them that they are grade A twats

No bad dreams or anything so far, but he has been educated about the words shit, fuck and bastard!!! Not language we use
He was bemused!
I know that the nagging will begin soon for electronic gadgets, but i am trying to hold off as long as possible. From speaking with others whos kids do have them, they are nothing but trouble and the source of many arguments and issues.
We have enough problems with out adding to them tbh.

if I was the woman with the broken seatbelt I would (have got it fixed already tbh) but failing that, I would have made sure that it was the other child who had the seatbelt.

the game thing I would just mention to the parents that ds is not allowed to play games like that in future.

you say you're a wimp but if I were you I would have a massive go at seatbelt woman.

I wouldn't dream of carting around someone else's child without a seatbelt, and on the one occasion I had to stuff four in the back of a car, I made my own two share a seatbelt while the two Little Friends got one each.
Have girls thank god so this overwhelming urge to play deeply unsuitable games like COD does not apply. But I wouldn't have let them watch a 15 film when they were your ds's age, and would get stroppy if I'd found out that another parent had.
As for what to do,
Do not allow him to take a lift with that mum again. Clearly incorrigibly selfish if she made sure her own child was safe but not yours. As well as totally lacksadaisical, it's very easy to fix seatbelts.
Or go on a playdate at that house again - although not clear from your post whether the mum knew what game they were playing up there, so worth tactfully asking first I suppose.

I would be a bit annoyed at the game thing, but very angry indeed at the seatbelt.

I remember doing lots of things at friends' houses that I would never have been allowed to do at home, fortunately most of it quite harmless but probably wasn't suitable for my age. I have resigned myself to the fact that I might have to get used to this as my own grow up and I probably won't even find out about most of it!

Not wearing a seatbelt because she 'hadn't got round to repairing it' would be a total deal breaker for me though. That is putting your child at risk knowingly. I would have to say something.

The women who took him out without wearing a seatbelt is irresponsible and I wouldn't let my child go out with them again.

As for the xbox game I would just tell the mum that you dont allow your son to play on those kind of games.

I personally wouldn't care about the computer game but I would be incandescent with rage at the lack of seat belt.

YANBU on both counts. And what a good little boy you have for telling you!

Well the computer game is annoying, especially the nature of the game but you could have put your head round the door and knocked that on the head.

The seatbelt thing would have sent me through the roof tbh, I'm a bit obsessed with them. I take the point nothing happened. But isn't it also an MOT requirement so potentially the cars uninsured too. I'd struggle to keep my gob shut on that and DS wouldn't be going in it again.

It is illegal to travel in a car without a seatbelt and it is the drivers responsibility.

I would say something to this mother. She may be carrying other DC around without a seatbelt. Just ask her if she realises it is illegal and very dangerous.

You would never forgive yourself if there was an accident and you hadn't said anything

Gotta agree with Worra - I'd have expected your son to speak up about what he is/isn't allowed to do. He sure as heck knew he'd not be allowed in a car without a seatbelt and wouldn't be allowed to play a game like that, as otherwise why would he have mentioned it to you?

I'd leave it with the mums as it's now after the fact, but in future he needs to understand that he has to say "My mum doesn't let me do XYZ" and they should respect that. It's different of course if the mums then ignore your son - at that point, by all means let rip!

Call of Duty is an 18, not just with swearing but EXTREMELY violent!

I would not be happy about either and I would say to the mum that I am uncomfortable with both things, kindly, and that you appreciate the trip to skate park, but that you are concerned for your son. She may take it well or it may blow up in your face.

Actually yes, your son is old enough to say what he is and isn't allowed.

Maybe the Ops son is old enough to say what he is/isn't allowed to do, but he didn't on these occasions and the Op is now asking for advice.

Is that ok with everyone?

I'd be fuming about the car seat incident.

I'd also mention to the other parent that I don't think Call Of Duty is suitable at all and could she make sure they don't play it next time (all vair vair politely, she may not have realised).

YANBU.

Of course, you child needs to learn that a) he cannot go in a car without a seat belt, so he should have flat refused to get in and told the mum to phone you and b) "I'm not allowed to play games that are over the appropriate age thanks, lets play something else" saying that, he's a kid. When we have children over to play they aren't allowed to play many of the games that my children are (Lego Harry Potter!) because you never know what the child is allowed to do and its best to play safe.

I'd not let him go in her car again and tell her why if she asked, but other than that leave it

and the COD thing, well they're clearly fine with it, so again not much point in saying anything, but I'd tell DS that he is not allowed to play games with age ratings on them or watch other children playing them

Quote: QuickLookBusy "Maybe the Ops son is old enough to say what he is/isn't allowed to do, but he didn't on these occasions and the Op is now asking for advice. Is that ok with everyone?"

Yes, but the point is: he's old enough to speak up but didn't - in which case, I'd be more peeved with son than the mum. She presumably sees nothing wrong with Call of Duty or no seatbelts, which is utterly misguided IMHO but DS knew better. In which case, the son needs a good talking to to find out why he didn't speak up and to make sure he does so in future... After all, the OP can ban him from ever riding in the car with that mum again or playing Call of Duty, but what happens when another mum offers him a lift without a seatbelt or he gets offered alcohol or gets to play the latest video game which he knows she wouldn't approve of? He's got to learn to keep himself safe.

But this wasnt my 8 year olds responsibilty, it was the supervising adult in the car situation.
I would expect him to say something to her..politely, but he jumped in and was attempting to do up the belt...she was already driving, THEN told him..its not working.

COD was MY responsibility, i should not have assumed they were playing with lego which they do on every other occasion of visiting.
As i say, we wont be going bakc there, we will invite friend to ours,
and
Ds will NOT be going with this woman again as DH says hew ill take them from now on.

I felt that my childs safety was out of my control, and i dont like that feeling.

Thanks for all advice, i am still reluctant to say anything as i was just really grateful for her kindness in offering to take ds with her and her son.
I was just thinking "is this just me being ott or have i got a point here?"

YANBU. I don't actually think it's an 8 year old's responsibility to tell an adult they aren't happy with a situation - I was driven home by a drunk driver when I was 17 because I didn't have the balls to say no, so asking an 8 year old to do that is totally unfair. He's 8 ffs, it's not his fault that he got in the car. He trusts adults and sounds like a polite boy - his trust shouldn't have been abused by the friend's mum.

COD - it's an 18 and shouldn't be anywhere NEAR a child. It's illegal to sell these games to children for a reason. Good on you OP for trying to keep this kind of rubbish out of his life for as long as possible. All I can say is people on here seem to have bizarre expectations of how 8 year olds should behave!