About these two things, and my question is, wwyd?

[gigglepin]

1. Ds was taken, very very kindly to a skate park about 3 miles away with a boy he knows from football and his mum on Sunday. Ds told me when he got home, that he didnt wear a seat belt because it is broken in the ladies car and she has not got round to having it repaired.
   So it was lovely of her to take him, she and her son were safely strapped in, but my boy wasnt.

2. Took ds to a friends house, me for coffee ds to play with his son, kids went off upstairs (ds aged 8 friends boy aged 7 nearly 8).
   I didnt know that there was one of these Xbox type thingies upstairs, and the boys were playing on a game called "duty call" or some such.
   Ds said that there was loads of swearing in it. DH tells me that this game is either an 15 or aged 18 game...
   (Sorry for ignorance, but we dont have any electronic gaming thingois in our house so i dont know anything about them) Ds says that this game belongs to the child, not my friend.

Again, really kind allowing us to go and play, but i feel cross..would you and aibu??

ps normally ds goes to friends house and plays lego etc, i dont normally go and check on them while playing as they are ok to be left. Before i get a flaming for leaving him unantended or anything.

Don't know much about the game, but would be completely furious about the seatbelt. Yes, she was kind to take him but you absolutely have to say something to her about it. She absolutely cannot do that again. It's not up to your child to speak up, you should be able to trust your friends or even acquaintances to have something so basic covered.

I dont think there is much to be gained from confronting the other parent. There would be a point if she was looking after your child regularly but otherwise its only going to cause upset.

I wouldnt let my DC go again though. The car thing is a no no and I woudnt want my 7 year old playing COD.

We all have different standards. You and hers are different. Doesnt make either of you bad/precious.

I had a friend who used to take my DD out in her car. DD told me they had no seatbelts. This was before it was compulsory in the back seat. I checked with friend. She got offended and never asked DD out again.

Shame but I wouldnt want her going in a car without a seatbelt anyway so what can you do?

It's not your 8 year olds responsibility no, but as he gets older there will be more situations where he will have to be able to speak up for himself.

I wouldn't be giving him a bollocking, but I would be saying to him that if ever he feels that he's being asked or told to do something that he doesn't want to do, he has the right to say he's not going to do it. I'd also be saying that if he's ever out with someone (be it a parent or another person his own age) and needs you to collect him, you will happily do so, and he won't have to explain why until afterwards. Perhaps it's also time to think about a mobile phone for him to only use for emergency purposes?

11 year old DSS text me a few months ago, asking me to collect him from a friend's house and say I needed him to come home. Was pretty peed off, as little ones ready for bed and I'd already got PJs on myself. But got dressed and went and got him...turns out that his friend was planning to go to local shops and shoplift sweets, DSS didn't want to but felt a bit under pressure. Was pretty relieved that we'd had a conversation where I'd said I would always collect him (although I had other thoughts in mind when we were talking about it, and didn't expect it to happen so soon!).

See I wouldn't bother confronting them, not because I'm ok with it, but because the other parents clearly were, so what are you going to achieve?

The car seat, there's nothing really I'd expect a youngish child to do about that, that's entirely the driver's fault.

The game thing may well come up again though, I had to have a blanket rule for DS... Because it came up regularly in one relatives house and occasionally in friend's houses, I found that after he was told he wasn't allowed to play them other parents would abide by that, but if he said nothing it just didn't occur to them that other parents might not allow it

YANBU, if the car had a broken seatbelt the woman should have phoned and cancelled. I also can't believe posters are expecting an 8 yr old to confront an adult he has been told by his parents he is getting a lift with, he probably felt very awkward but that he had to do as he was told poor thing. Op, your son sounds like a lovely child and very good for bringing the situation to your attention.

It was a one off day out to skate park with this mum & boy. So not worth saying anything tbh.

ballstoit's plan sounds like a good one should anything similar happen in the future. Although as a shy and respectful 8 year old I'd have been mortified asking the woman to phone my Mum to collect me and explaining why, I don't know many 8 yr olds with their own phone.

duty call.

DNephews (7 & 9) are allowed to walk to local shops together and to go to a park about 1/2 mile from their home to play football. They have a phone which they are allowed to take only if going out without parents, which has a little bit of credit kept on it. They could use it to text/call if there was an emergency and also means DSis could ring and ask them to come home early if anything unexpected comes up.

I know a fair few 8 year olds with their own phones, but wouldn't allow it personally. DSS has had his own phone since he went to high school as he has a longish walk home and also uses it to text XH (his Dad) or me when he's at his Mum's if he needs to. Normally to ask for us to drop off his coat/ headphones when he's forgotten them...although that's probably an argument for him not having a phone

I would doubt her judgment

Hate to sound judgy but

COD, games consoles in rooms, seatbelts (and making your son one without ...)

I know a child who has COD, but the mum is sensitive enough to know that most other parents don't approve, so doesn't allow it to be played when friends are round.