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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to practice driving before a test with my kids in the car?

65 replies

WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 12:45

Because I think DP is going to say no. I just text to say Im buying a car prior to my test and he hasnt replied. I know why.

Ive not started my lessons yet but the situation is - I took a whole load of lessons 10 years ago and a whole bunch of tests. My driving was great to the annoyance of my instructor. My problem was suffering with panic attacks. As soon as the test began Id be shaking uncontrollably, struggling to breath general awfulness that lead to silly fuck up and fails.

I dont get them any more. Im nearly 30, calmer and need to drive (just moved to the sticks from a city I didnt need to drive in the last 10 years).

I had 2 brief lessons 3 years ago, it all came flying back straight away and was driving no problems the guy guessed Id need about 10 hours.

I want to buy a car now and practice the few days before my test (whenever thart may be) in the quiet village here.

Theres no one to take the kids and is the only one I know who can be in the car with me (and he'll be a good, calm person to drive with) but I just think he'll say no to it because it would mean the kids being in the car. I really want the practice.

Im booking the lessons next week, I know, book more etc but I cant afford to book more than necessariy Id rather practice more privately.

AIBU?

OP posts:

DoesNotGiveAFig · 30/01/2012 12:45

YABU - you are an unlicensed driver.

ScarlettInSpace · 30/01/2012 12:48

Never mind unreasonable, I think you might be breaking the law?

Original poster

WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 12:49

Its illegal?!

OP posts:

HeidiHole · 30/01/2012 12:50

How is it illegal! The OP has said that her DP will be in the car while she drives she doesn't mean JUST her and the kids!!

HeidiHole · 30/01/2012 12:51

OP they think you mean just you and the kids (before you have a licence)

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2012 12:51

I drove with mine in the car - and quite often with those of the licensed driver who was taking me out, sometimes with both of mine and one of hers in fact.

It's not illegal at all, in fact I was stopped by the police because of a problem with my tyre- they weren't at all bothered by a backseat full of booster seated children.

squeakytoy · 30/01/2012 12:51

it isnt breaking the law if her husband is a driver and is in with her

Original poster

WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 12:52

No no no! With DP!

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2012 12:54

So you are asking your DH to be in the care with you when you practice?

But your dilemma is whether the kids should be in the car?

If so then as long as you are chossing carefully were to practice and the childen are well behaved (depending on their ages) then that doesn't sound unreasonable. If you pass a few days later then you will be able todrive on your own with your children,sowhat you are planning is safer. Most people fail on stupid things not actually dangerous stuff.

squeakytoy · 30/01/2012 12:54

why do you think he will say no?

ceebie · 30/01/2012 12:54

I think you should make some arangements for you and DH to go out in a car without the kids initially just so he can see how your driving is and have the confidence that you are good enough - then, once he has that confidence in your driving ability, fine to take the kids (i.e. when you are both comfortable with it).

Original poster

WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 12:57

Squeaky because hes never seen me drive. He doesnt know that Im ok at, I guess this is why.

Ceebie, unfortunately we dont knlw anyone that can take the kids otherwise that'd be the perfect option.

OP posts:

Ploink · 30/01/2012 12:58

I know a learner can legally drive with a licence holder in the car but I don't think it's a good idea with the kids as well. No idea if it is actually illegal or not but it will be a normal car without dual controls, so your DH will be next to helpless to do anything if you lose control. Unless he pulls the handbreak resulting in a handbreak skid and possible crash!

GypsyMoth · 30/01/2012 12:58

It's fine if you have a licensed driver next to you

animula · 30/01/2012 12:59

You're going to have to drive with the children after your test, aren't you?

I'd do it after having had a few lessons with the driving instructor - you'll get a sense of how competent your driving is.

I drove with dh and the children before I passed my test. I did ask the driving instructor for an objective opinion as to whether it was a good idea first - ie. how safe I was to be out and about without dual controls. Once the instructor said it was a good idea, I did it. for the reason stated in my first line.

I found the real hurdle came after I'd passed my test and had to go out alone with the children. That was quite a heart-in-mouth thing, so I would advise getting up to a very safe standard as soon as possible, and getting in practise with someone else in the car with the children once you are safe.

Ploink · 30/01/2012 13:00

Also, you really can't afford to pay for a few more lessons . . . but you're buying a car? Buy a slightly cheaper car? Wait before buying a car? See if you can get a better deal?

squeakytoy · 30/01/2012 13:01

Is there not even a neighbour you could ask to babysit for an hour? I would say the first time, while you get used to the controls, the clutch, brakes etc that it would be better not having any additional distractions in the car to be honest.

wineforthelady · 30/01/2012 13:01

I learned to drive aged 27 (after a similar experience of various lessons when younger), it is proven you need more lessons the older you get so I would probably hold off buying a car until you have had at least ten lessons (1.5hours each or more) with an instructor you are happy with, they will be able to advise if you are ready to go out with your OH.

I was not a bad driver but did have confident / shaking / panic issues on tests and it took me FIVE attempts to pass, more out of nerves than bad driving, the nerves again being more down to test conditions than actual driving experience.

I did have a polo (bought after about a year of learning) and did go with DH and my two children (aged at the time One and Two) to practice on small roads locally.

It took me two and a half years to pass my test but I did have breaks during this time when both my children were born and I finally passed when my youngest was Five months old.

Good luck OP :D

charitygirl · 30/01/2012 13:01

I was told, when i was learning a couple of years ago, that it is illegal to take passengers as a learner, even with a licensed driver next to you. v frustrating i know.

Kladdkaka · 30/01/2012 13:02

I had all my lessons with a proper driving instructor. Sometimes circumstances meant that I had to take my daughter too. The instructor didn't have a problem with it, so I assume it legal.

squeakytoy · 30/01/2012 13:02

Also, do you have any idea how expensive it will be to insure the car. If you cant afford any extra lessons, then how on earth can you afford insurance?

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2012 13:02

The more driving practice the better and in 'normal every day' situations. I would wait until you have had at least two lessons and take your instructers advice, only because the car not being duel controled.

animula · 30/01/2012 13:03

I have to say, though, the idea of combining a. learning with your dh not an instructor b. practising driving with children c. trying to cut costs getting to a safe standard in a car without dual controls is not a good idea.

children are a. distracting b. really unpredictable. husbands are not the ideal instructors. learning to drive in a car without dual controls is a bit scary.

I'd definitely be putting off getting the new car and looking at taking apart the three strands of how you want to learn to drive.

squeakytoy · 30/01/2012 13:04

Sorry, another question here. Do you have a car at the moment? If so, then can you not practice in that. If not, then you will also have to buy booster seats/car seats too before you can take your kids in the car.

Ploink · 30/01/2012 13:08

charitygirl I was told, when i was learning a couple of years ago, that it is illegal to take passengers as a learner, even with a licensed driver next to you. v frustrating i know.

I thought that might be true. Someone (who can be bothered) should look it up.

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