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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to practice driving before a test with my kids in the car?

65 replies

WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 12:45

Because I think DP is going to say no. I just text to say Im buying a car prior to my test and he hasnt replied. I know why.

Ive not started my lessons yet but the situation is - I took a whole load of lessons 10 years ago and a whole bunch of tests. My driving was great to the annoyance of my instructor. My problem was suffering with panic attacks. As soon as the test began Id be shaking uncontrollably, struggling to breath general awfulness that lead to silly fuck up and fails.

I dont get them any more. Im nearly 30, calmer and need to drive (just moved to the sticks from a city I didnt need to drive in the last 10 years).

I had 2 brief lessons 3 years ago, it all came flying back straight away and was driving no problems the guy guessed Id need about 10 hours.

I want to buy a car now and practice the few days before my test (whenever thart may be) in the quiet village here.

Theres no one to take the kids and is the only one I know who can be in the car with me (and he'll be a good, calm person to drive with) but I just think he'll say no to it because it would mean the kids being in the car. I really want the practice.

Im booking the lessons next week, I know, book more etc but I cant afford to book more than necessariy Id rather practice more privately.

AIBU?

OP posts:
wineforthelady · 30/01/2012 13:09

I wouldn't even consider going out with much older kids that would be v distracting, I don't think it can be illegal as I know instructors sometimes take passengers....

Ploink · 30/01/2012 13:09

animula I have to say, though, the idea of combining a. learning with your dh not an instructor b. practising driving with children c. trying to cut costs getting to a safe standard in a car without dual controls is not a good idea.

children are a. distracting b. really unpredictable. husbands are not the ideal instructors. learning to drive in a car without dual controls is a bit scary.

I agree.

toddlerama · 30/01/2012 13:09

Learner drivers can carry passengers whilst on private practice, provided that the learner is being supervised by someone who is at least 21 years old, has a full, valid driving licence and has held that licence for at least 3 years. The number of passengers depends on the number of seats in the vehicle, so for a normal car, a learner can have up to 3 passengers in the rear plus the supervising driver in the front passenger seat.
From a learner driver site.

But...as frustrating as it is, they are his children too and if he isn't comfortable with them sitting in on your practise, surely you should respect that? What if he wanted to do something with them that you considered dangerous? Would you be ok with him just doing it anyway?

Ploink · 30/01/2012 13:10

wineforthelady But they have dual controls.

wineforthelady · 30/01/2012 13:15

Ploink very true and I wouldn't have gone out with my children until the instructor said it was a good idea, I think it was after about a year of lessons for me blush

ComposHat · 30/01/2012 13:16

I wouldn't be happy going out with a complete novice driver full stop, let alone with kids in the back. Seems a risk too far for me. What happens if they start playing up? Your partner will be taken up attending to them and not supervising you.

There really is no need to buy a car at this stage, especially as it could easily be a year before you are ready for a test, all that time the car will be mostly stood idle, losing value and costing an arm and a leg in tax/insurance.

Use the money for proper lessons with an instructor with dual control. It is safer for a start and once you have built up confidence and experience, by all means go out with partner/kids. But I'd say not until you've had at least 20 odd proper lessons.

DevonLodger · 30/01/2012 13:17

When my Mum was learning 30 years ago we always went out with her and my Dad who was teaching her. I didn't enjoy it much though.

Ploink · 30/01/2012 13:17

wineforthelady It took me ages too Grin

wineforthelady · 30/01/2012 13:18

I'm also 99.9% sure my DH would have checked with the insurance company before taking me out with the children in the back as he is responsible like that :D this was nearly five years ago now, and I still can't park .....

Ploink · 30/01/2012 13:19

I does sound like it could be stressful for your kids. Mum a bit tense trying to concentrate, dad whose not a good teacher shouting . . .

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2012 13:20

The OP can drive, panic attacks stop her from passing her test. She just needs a refesher course. She was told that she only needs 10 hours, so possibly 5 lessons.

It does make more sense to take a few lessons before buying the car, unless you have seen a car that is a bargain price and you know that you could sell it on easily, just in case you can not overcome your panic attacks.

wineforthelady · 30/01/2012 13:20

Ploink yes ages and I dread to think how much ££ in total, so worth it in the end though Smile

wineforthelady · 30/01/2012 13:21

Or an intensive course, which they are trying to ban, as they don't give anywhere near enough hours of actual road experience just teach you to pass the test....

MrsHoarder · 30/01/2012 13:25

You can drive with children in the car, but its not a good idea to take them on "lessons" because of the risk of a tense atmosphere. I know a lot of my routine driving practise (normal driving, not manouvers or anything) was done taking DB (10 at the time) to evening activities with my mum. Its all those hours of driving on top of the 1-2 hour lessons each week which get you to pass your test quickly.

Just use common sense about how distracting they are likely to be. Do they fight a lot or will they be happy listening to music on the back seat.

Yes to car seats too: if they are under 11 or 12 then they need some type of seat, different types depending on height/weight.

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 13:25

Squeaky, I have no car now. The seats are in DP's car.

I do understand the insurance side of things but the way I figured is, if I get more practice in privately it'll cost less in lessons, make me more likelt to pass (if I failed that would cost more in lessons and another tesr) and I would be buying the car anyway, Id like to think there woukd be only a few weeks difference.

Basically I have X amount saved for lessons and test (for a few more than 10 Just In Case) and X amount for the car and insurance.

Id rather not take more lessons Id rather put that money toward insurance. But money aside I want as much extra practice as possible so I can pass.

OP posts:
JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 13:26

I don't think this is really about reasonable/unreasonable.

The fact is your DH is nervous about it. Maybe he shouldn't be, but as someone who gets panic attacks, maybe you can sympathize? It is nerve-wracking being in a car with a learner, I know from first-hand experience. He will feel responsible - he's there, by law, because you can't be driving without him there.

Honestly, I'd scrape the money for at least one lesson in a dual-control car with your DH in the back, so he can see how you are and (hopefully) be reassured.

I failed my first test for nerves (shaking too much to control the clutch properly), so I do sympathize.

Hulababy · 30/01/2012 13:26

AFAIK it is not illegal.

Before taking the children out in the car whilst you are practising with DH I would do the following:

  • a couple of refresher lessons with your instructor in HIS car

  • a lesson or two with your instructor in YOUR car

  • a practise or two with your DH in your car

and then, if you both feel happy and your instructor is happy with your progress, maybe it woud be fine with the children

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 13:27

Oh theres loads of replies I missed. Im not ignoring them I need to go back and read.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 13:33

Toddleram Id totally respect him saying no. I admit I fully intend to use gentle persuasion but I wont let it be an arguement. If hes that adamant about it he wouldnt be a good person to be in the car with. I need him to feel confident about the situation too.

They wouldnt play up they're great in the car (5 years and 8 month old baby) but if they did, we'd go home. No point trying to flogg a dead horse.

I cant remember the other replies now.

Oh yes - Im not a 'complete novice driver'. grin

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 30/01/2012 13:33

Would you learn to use any other piece of large machinery with your 3 DC right next to you?

ThunderboltKid · 30/01/2012 13:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 30/01/2012 13:34

Hulbaby, aside from the last one because theres no one to take the kids thats a good idea.

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 30/01/2012 13:34

Sorry don't know why I gave you another DC Grin

squeakytoy · 30/01/2012 13:35

Why not practice in your partners car then. Is it vital to have two cars?

Hulababy · 30/01/2012 13:36

How old are the children?
Could it be organised whilst they are are nursery/school? Or if they go to a friends house to play?

If the latter really can't be worked round, how about the instructor speaks to your DH to let him know if and when the instructor think it would be safe to do so.