to think that my pregnant friend is being a bit pathetic?

[Whirliwig72]

Ok I probably deserve a virtual slap round the chops for this one. One of my good friends is pregnant with her second child and has a serious but essentially manageable condition - mild placenta previa -and she's driving me crazy.

She's 2nd trimester and has changed from a sensible, helpful and sane woman to a self obsessed, whiny kill joy. She doesn't want to do anything fun with us anymore she hardly goes out, won't lift anything heavier than a handbag and goes on and on about how difficult her pregnancy is / how tired she is/ how she's not sleeping. I've got a toddler and a 4 month baby so it's not like things are easy for me either (I could write an essay on how sleep deprived i am and how my bladder has given up the ghost since DS2' s arrival) but i'm just getting on with things. Should i continue to nod sympathetically, offer to have her toddler over to play more and just grit my teeth or should i talk to her and tell her to get a grip?

you're gonna get flamed about pp, you know, how dangerous it is, etc.? I presume she's been flagged up as potential pp which will be checked again at 34 week scan to see it there is any real problem?

I am laid back & was not that careful when I got flagged up in same way (the only special things we did was stop having sex & I stopped going jogging)... BUT I would cut her slack. She has pregnancy mind & it's not truly sane, is it? Cut the time you spend with her if you must & grit your teeth otherwise until the date of her 34 week scan when hopefully her cloud will get lifted.

It's not forever so you can be big enough to be tolerant. Go on, you know you want to really.

If you're a true friend, you should nod sympathetically and offer to have her toddler over more.

If you're a total cowbag, tell her to get a grip.

YABU.

I had a friend with PP, mild at first they thought. She ended up in hospital on complete bedrest for 8 weeks after several bleeds. She then had to have an emergency section at 34 weeks after a massive, massive bleed which, had she not been in hospital, would have killed the baby.

Your friend is merely being careful and must be worried sick.

I shall slap you on the chops!

Pregnancy can be utterly miserable for some people. I have never felt so ill in my life as when I was pregnant both times (both desperately wanted pregnancies). I also had a condition, different one, but still found it very, very worrying. I felt crap every single day of my pregnancies, from week 5 onwards.

Just put up with the rest of her pregnancy, I'm sure she'll be back to normal afterwards. In fact, I was back super quick because it was so amazing not to be pregnant and suffering anymore.

She might be fine. But she might not. I was fine, Amanda Holden less so.

What bupcakes says - only hope no one moaned about me when incapacitated through pregnancy

Yabvu. You may be tired but your baby is safely here, hers is not (yet).

Really great friend OP

Turn your friends
Concerns into being all about you 'well I got on with it'

What a martyr you are

You remind me of my cousin. I can't
Even yawn without her jumping down my throat saying I can't be tired because she has 2 kids

I was flagged up as a potential PP. It didn't bother me in the slightest. I carried on as usual (gym 5 days a week until week 39 :)
I then had a scan at 34 weeks that confirmed all was well. I went on to have a natural birth.
I think she's a bit self obsessed to be honest but that's probably because I had such a great pregnancy.
So I'm inclined to say you are not BU but others will probably say to cut her some slack
:)

I think it's very easy, possibly even encouraged, to be a bit blase about pregnancy (it's not an illness etc) But mine has turned into a potentially high risk one and it shocks you. I don't blame her one bit for having a bit of a moan. I've been walking miles each day, carrying shopping home for miles, just in my normal routine and in an effort to keep my joints from seizing up like they did last time. I've poo-pooed anyone who told me to slow down. Now at 32 weeks there may be a problem and tbh, as much as it's completely irrelevant to the problem I may have now, I wish I'd listened to them. I can understand her wanting to hibernate, I really can.

I tend to reserve my 'get a grips' for Drama Queens and 'Preg-zillas'

Your friend sounds as though she's neither of those things.

In fact, she's probably frightened to death that she won't be able to carry her baby full term and give birth to a happy healthy child.

Ante-natal depression, possibly?

Agree completely that pregnancies can vary enormously - my pregnancy with DC4 was horrendous and knocked any broodiness right out of me. I was exhausted, had SPD, was sick constantly and a right moody cow. So yes, grit your teeth. Bear in mind I come from a stiff upper lip/don't bloody whinge background, too :o.

As a completely miserable whine bag who is pregnant without any problems yet tells everyone I meet about my horrible exhaustion / vomiting / insomnia I say be nice. Is probably all she can think about and you are supposed to be her friend. You need to supply fluffy cushions, delicious snacks and hugs. Or stay away as being horrid is not going to suddenly make her see 'sense'

You are complaining because she is being careful because of her condition? Charming. In fact are you sure tgat you are coping as well as you say?

You sound as bad as my MIL. "Well I got on with it so should you". Your friend is not you. You already have two healthy children, she has a potentially very high risk pregnancy that could end in tragedy. Cut her some slack.

Incidentally MIL had PP and her baby was still born.

Yabu, but you know that. You sound tired and miserable swell, so I guess your view is squewd a bit, you have two babies already here, you must know how it would feel if you had a condition that could end up leaving your baby being born early, or even cause it to die. So get a bit of perspective and support her, you can do the competitive tired routine when the baby arrives saftely.

I agree with bupcakes and kayano. Really hope none of my friends thought about me like this...

Smug much sundaybest?

Everyone else has already said it but just wanted to add my tuppence worth. I had two tough pregnancies, the second being much worse than the first. Had the pelvic girdle pain and sciatica from week 10 and was in constant pain and discomfort. I didn't really say too much as people kept telling me how well I looked and it seemed a but off to reply "but I feel awful" as no-one really gets it. Everyone deals with these things differently but at least she feels like she can be honest with you. After my DC2 was born so many people I was close to seemed surprised when I said I couldn't go through another pregnancy like that and I almost wished I has been more honest as to how tough it was!!

She may seem OTT to you but she needs your support, not judgement. I also don't like the competitive edge to your post (she thinks her life is bad, she should try being me, etc). I have a friend who also does this and it's draining. If she's normally fine, give her a break and offer to help if you can.

Thanks for the wake up call guys - hangs head in shame - you've put things in perspective. Felt great to vent though! :)

I don't think you're BU. I had potential PP, but there was nothing at all I could do about it except wait and see. She does need to get on with life.

However, there could be any number of factors stressing her out at the moment, so you should cut her some slack.

Yabu
She has a condition that could potentially cause the death of her child

I also have a condition that does the same and if I'm lucky enough to become pg again ( last pg loss at 20 weeks) I will be spending as much time as possible on bed rest, I hope my friends are more sympathetic then you when I'm going out of my mind worrying