to think that my pregnant friend is being a bit pathetic?

[Whirliwig72]

Ok I probably deserve a virtual slap round the chops for this one. One of my good friends is pregnant with her second child and has a serious but essentially manageable condition - mild placenta previa -and she's driving me crazy.

She's 2nd trimester and has changed from a sensible, helpful and sane woman to a self obsessed, whiny kill joy. She doesn't want to do anything fun with us anymore she hardly goes out, won't lift anything heavier than a handbag and goes on and on about how difficult her pregnancy is / how tired she is/ how she's not sleeping. I've got a toddler and a 4 month baby so it's not like things are easy for me either (I could write an essay on how sleep deprived i am and how my bladder has given up the ghost since DS2' s arrival) but i'm just getting on with things. Should i continue to nod sympathetically, offer to have her toddler over to play more and just grit my teeth or should i talk to her and tell her to get a grip?

She sounds terrified. Be kind.

I don't think your being unreasonable if it is just flagged for a 2nd scan at 34 weeks, then stopping all exercise even domestic chores, is not in the best interests of your friend or the baby. Did the doctors really advise "do nothing" ?

But of course it depends on the exact situation.

As others have said, she is scared. What do you do with a scared friend? You comfort them, care for them, help them.

YABU. Please try and be more sympathetic.

My friend spent 7 weeks in hospital with PP. I visited often and supirted her as much as possible through a very worrying and stressful experience. while she was in hospital there a woman was admitted to her ward with 'mild' PP for 48 hours of observation. She had a major bleed a few hours after admission and had to have an emcs at 31 weeks. The baby died :(

My friend was lucky by comparison. Planned CS at 34 weeks, a lot of blood loss requiring transfusions and a week or so in SCBU for her baby but at least they both survived.

I'm having my 20 week scan next week. If PP is detected, however mild, I may well be behaving like your friend. And I hope my friends are more understanding about it than you are.

I had PP was on bed rest from 24 weeks , hospital as my placenta had a tear at 30 weeks and a Emergency csec at 34 weeks because the placenta erupted nearly killing both of us, and my DD ended up in an incubator for another 6 weeks due to infection ! oh and a 2 year old I wasn't allowed to even lift from 22 weeks.

I think you are being very unreasonable and quite heartless to think she should put having fun with you before her and the baby's health, and I can't believe that as a woman you can't show a bit more compassion towards another who is not a kill joy , just being cautious on medical advice !

Nice friend you are to even contemplate telling her to get a grip !

YABU about your friend's pp and her not wanting to overdo it she is probably worried sick but fwiw I can see where you are coming from about constant moaning, I have a friend who is pg for the second time with no major complications and having to hear about how hard it is to be pregnant and look after a toddler is really wearing thin, you decided to ttc again with a young baby so bloody well get on with it.

YANBU. It is Monday and shit weather. Nothing is unreasonable in these circs

good to see all of us ladies helping each, treating each other with compassion.
Don't we get enough of this crap from men?

Some people need to speak about how they feel, others (like you) are happier to just get on with it.

That's life.

But seriously, with friends like you...

OP wasn't being unreasonable to post on here to have a vent girls, come on admit it we've all felt secretly a bit naffed off when our friends get needy, even when our rational selves know perfectly well they're entitled to it. She could have worded the AIBU a bit better though!

I wouldn't feel naffed off if my friend had a potentially dangerous condition that could affect her/her baby. I would be worried sick too.

And why does it bother you that she won't lift anything heavier than a handbag op? Did you want her to take your old sofa to the tip or something?

Really, randommoment? I don't know, I don't tend to get annoyed when people I care about are horribly sick.

I agree with the last few posts

YABU, sorry. Pre-pregnancy, I now realise I had totally unrealistic ideas about how my pregnant friends felt. Then my first trimester was so bloody dreadful that I am now just impressed by anyone at any stage in pregnancy who is functioning in an even vaguely normal fashion. Now 33+5 and it's very clear from NCT and yoga that some people are really struggling while others are breezing about as if nothing is going on. It just varies so much from person to person, and your friend does have a real health concern as well.

Just to add my tuppence worth, I'm going through chemotherapy at the moment. The effects from that are NOTHING compared to how ill I felt when I was pregnant. I had hyperemesis and it is so interesting now to see how much support and sympathy there is for me now, compared to when I was pregnant.

I also had complete placenta previa, baby and I were fine in the end but it does add stress and worry, you just can't help it, I tried to keep things in perspective though and I had a wonderful OBGYN who alleviated a lot of my fear.

I had complications in pregnancy which made me nearly lose ds at 28 week, have to spend 3 weeks in hospital, and leave my job (under consultants orders)
All my (childless) friends thought I was being a bit of a drama queen quitting my job, and make comments about people running marathons while pregant, and "just carry on as normal".

I did what the lovely consultant told me, and went full term, Thank God.
You have children, know better, and should be a lot more understanding about how scared your friend is.

You are BU but for more reasons than you and she realise.

YOu need to tell her that she is showing risk factors for Vasa Previa and needs a transvaginal doppler scan. She will need to push for it, but it must be done. It is a very serious condition of pg but it is easily managed if needed. My dd was one of the very few that survived an undiagnosed case and one of an even smaller number who have no lasting ill effects.

www.vasaprevia.org