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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think a sore eye doesn't constitute illness and therefore a day in bed for DH

46 replies

flibbertywidget · 28/01/2012 22:42

my DH is a lazy git at the best of times. Today whilst at Rugby Tots, my DS (2.5) got a little carried away and poked him in the eye whilst throwing the ball.

Now it obviously hurt as DH went to sit down immediately and was nearly crying (well it looked like it!)

When we got home, he literally took to his bed. Normally I would say fair enough, but he knew today that I had to work from home (as have possibly biggest bloody project ever at work, landing next week) and I have odds and ends to sort out.

I told him to go to the hospital if his eye hurt that much. I did look at it, and there was a little scratch on the cornea. I also told him to take some painkillers.

well he stayed in bed all bloody day. I had to work whilst the Disney Channel looked after my 2 DC's. He came downstairs as I was giving them tea and then went off to A&E to get it checked and managed to get home after bed time.

Drs have given him Antib drops as a precaution, but have said he should be fine. To make it worse, he couldn't even put the eyedrops in himself and whinged at me 3 times, complaining. I then did it for him and told him to stop being a worse baby than his kids.

I am livid, AIBU... ? or should I have more sympathy with him?

I haven't slept for more than 4 hours a night for the past week due this project. And I feel he offers me no support as it is.

I bet he goes to football practice tomorrow. I may lynch him if he does!

OP posts:
NannyPlumIsMyMum · 28/01/2012 22:44

Corneal scratch is painful ouch Sad.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 28/01/2012 22:44

What a lovely wife you are Hmm

attheendoftheday · 28/01/2012 22:46

YANBU. To get time off childcare in this house you have to be properly ill, e.g. flu gets day off, a cold doesn't. Presumably his eye will not heal faster in the bedroom than downstairs looking after the kids?

Sirzy · 28/01/2012 22:47

What a caring wife you are. How dare he be stuck in a and e with an injury rather than helping with bedtime, and needing help with eye drops? Well that's just pushing his luck isn't it!

Tortoise · 28/01/2012 22:48

YANBU. A sore/painful eye doesn't need bed rest!

3littlefrogs · 28/01/2012 22:49

dd managed to inflict a corneal scratch on me when she was about 2. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced.

I remember my 12 year old bringing me a drink and paracetamol, I was in such agony, I had to lie in a dark room.

I had a rough night, then went to hospital in the morning. Had an eye patch and drops for about 4 days.

randommoment · 28/01/2012 22:49

OP stop .... and breathe!
You're knackered.
He can take the DCs for an outing tomorrow and leave you in peace - that's what I'd ask DP to do if I had the deadline from hell coming in. Footie practice will survive without him for one morning.

pooka · 28/01/2012 22:49

yanbu.

why did he wait until after tea time to go to a&e?

Even then, a sore eye does not require bed rest, really it doesn't.

Original poster
flibbertywidget · 28/01/2012 22:49

Yes, NannyPlum a corneal scratch is painful.. but so painful that one has to take to one's bed? really? I don't think I went to bed when i had similar.

:-) IusetoomuchKitchenRoll - Generally I am nice and lovely. But this week at the end of my tether. Should I go and pander?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 28/01/2012 22:50

Sounds like you suspect he timed everything well to avoid childcare today.

I think you could've had a lot more sympathy.

Berries · 28/01/2012 22:50

I've done this - it's really (really) painful and the only thing that helps is keeping the eye shut. That also throws your vision out. If it's a small scratch it'll be a few days at least before it starts to feel comfortable

pooka · 28/01/2012 22:51

i had corneal scratch once. went to gp following day. i wouldn't say was bad enough (to me) to necessitate bed rest.

ChaoticAngel · 28/01/2012 22:51

Well if he's so ill he won't be fit to play football tomorrow will he? He can keep the other eye on the DC so you can get this project finished.

3littlefrogs · 28/01/2012 22:53

I think it depends how bad it is. I know my head felt as if it was going to explode. The pain just radiated from my eye all over my face and head.

I have a high pain threshold, and was always very good at not showing distress in front of DC, but that evening I was in a bad way.

Original poster
flibbertywidget · 28/01/2012 22:54

Aaah Pooka - you ask the perennial question, why did he wait indeed?
It is probably the same reason as to why he spends all saturday upstairs watching footie and then only comes downstairs as soon the kids are on their way up to bed.

I agree Corneal Scratches are ouchy, sore and can really hurt. But I am not entirely sure they require total bed rest.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/01/2012 22:55

It is easy to pass off other peoples pain when you can't feel it yourself Grin

But considering your head is about to explode, you'd think he'd at least try to soldier on regardless wouldn't you?

To write off all of tomorrow when he's got no idea how it'll feel does look a little like he's taking advantage.

So he's not going to to anything? All day?

Your opening words in the OP show he's got form for it, it'd do my nut in!

AgentZigzag · 28/01/2012 22:56

Just out of interest OP, what was his parents like with him?

Do everything for him and go totally overboard if he said he's ill?

Original poster
flibbertywidget · 28/01/2012 22:56

Tidy Dancer - I don't think he poked DS' finger in his eye on purpose. I just am a little cross at him taking to his bed. But clearly I have a higher pain threshold than him and so be it.

I will go and dole out more sympathy and some tramadol

OP posts:
Sirzy · 28/01/2012 22:57

Perhaps he wanted to wait a few hours to see how it felt before deciding if it needed checking. That's my normal response with injuries unless a limb is hanging off!

Iteotwawki · 28/01/2012 23:00

Corneal scratches are extremely painful. They also blur vision, which gives you a headache. You don't realise how often you move your eyes or blink until it is agony every single time. Ointment to reduce the risk of infection hurts too but you still have to grit your teeth and put it in.

I've had recurrent corneal erosions (both eyes though thank heaven only one at a time) and I can't sleep, think, move or function while the pain is there - all I can do is lie on the affected side in bed with pressure from the pillow holding the bad eye in one position. Luckily for me it generally improves over 3-4h and by morning aside from being tired I can get up.

Original poster
flibbertywidget · 28/01/2012 23:01

AgentZigZag - his mother does everything for him, he is a mummy's boy (although she is in France, so only when they come over). But he is definitely I've got manflu, when everyone else has sniffles. He had norvirus over christmas and it lasted 3 weeks! (he did manage to quaff a load of oysters and shrimps whilst we were in France, during this time) - which did make me laugh and it miraculously got better the day he went to start his new job.

anyway, I have just sent him up to bed with some neurofen and a cuddle

-- see I can be sort of nice... And I best go back to my powerpoint and not keep chatting (noseying on AIBU)

OP posts:
Mumleigh · 28/01/2012 23:04

I scratched my eye accidentally with face scrub and ended up at the Emergency Eye injury clinic at St Thomas's in London as I was in agony. It was years ago but I still remember the pain.
I just wanted to lie down in a dark room and my head hurt because my vision was affected. Also felt quite sick and dizzy.
I got zero sympathy from my boss when I had to take the day off sick and then my colleagues laughed at me when I went into the office the next day with my eye patch on.
I hope your DH gets better soon.

Original poster
flibbertywidget · 28/01/2012 23:07

Sirzy - he went to A&E at my mothers suggestion (she is an ex nurse) and she told him to get it checked out. I also told him to go if it was that sore. I also called the out of hours dr, when we got back home, after the injury had happened so he could go and see someone as I was worried. But he didn't go

Iteotwawki - Then I guess the fact he slept all afternoon and managed to drive to A&E and come back and snore on the sofa with a JD &COke means he isn't in as much pain? - I grant you they are absolutely hellish injuries and you sound like you have suffered immensely with them.

I was just a little peeved, but I shall be grown up and nice about it tomorrow :) - if my DC's allow me some sleep tonight

OP posts:
Iteotwawki · 29/01/2012 02:11

If I were him I wouldn't be driving - if his vision is affected then he won't be covered by insurance for one thing. It's possible to sleep as long as the eye is relatively immobile (hence pillow pressure holding it still). I wouldn't advise mixing JD with tramadol either.

I'm not saying you're not being unreasonable about his attitude generally - just because of his past performances you might be being a bit hard on him this time. His own problem for crying wolf before though, I wouldn't have much patience either.

iscream · 29/01/2012 02:42

I don't know, but he probably should not play football tomorrow.
I am being treated for corneal abrasions at the moment. Drops all Dec. did not heal it, and it became a lot worse around Christmas. The doctor told me last week that I may need surgery as it isn't healing well (I have suffered with this over a month. The first few days after the new year I could only be in a darkened room wearing sunglasses. Could not read, and even with sunglasses I had to hang a sheer scarf over the bedroom tv in order to be able to watch it. I have had band-aid contact lenses on it for the past 3 weeks, which help, at least I can close my eye now. Still get the odd "eye ball attack" upon waking.

The GP and ER did not see the abrasions, but the Ophthalmologist did. If his eye takes longer than 4 days to heal, he should see a specialist.