To be furious with school over this and to call them on lack of care

[amistillsexy]

Disclaimer-I have many issues with the way this school treated my DS1, which I won't go into, but suffice to say I may be over-reacting about this as a result! That's why I'm posting here-I need to get some views on if I am over-reacting or not.

My DS2 came home from school crying with pain yesterday. His Dad had picked him up at the normal time, and could see as soon as he came out that he was not well. He was white, with bright red lips and sunken eyes.

DH said 'what on earth's the matter with you?' and the TA said 'Oh, he's just said at hometime he doesn't feel very well.' DH carried DS2 home from school as once he saw his dad, DS2 just 'collapsed' (the way they do!) and started to sob.

I was at home and DH carried DS2 into the house, clutching his head and crying out. He had a severe headache and a temperature of 29.6 (digital thermometer, same one our GP uses), which peaked later at 40.2.

Once I'd got him settled with Calpol, cuddles, drink, CBeebies, etc, I asked DS2 and DS3 (in the same class) to tell me what had happened. The story is:

DS2 felt ill at lunchtime. After lunch, the children sat on the carpet. He cried, but no-one asked him why. He went to lie down in the little bed in the home corner. He stayed there all afternoon. None of the adults asked if he was OK, although one of his friends did, and DS2 told him he was poorly. At afternoon playtime, DS2 stayed in, while the other children played out. He thinks his teacher was in the classroom, but she didn't talk to him.

When I asked why he didn't go and tell the teachers he was ill, he said he didn't want to tell anyone but mummy .

We had settled him and established the facts by 4.15 (school closes at 3.15), so DH rang the school to ask what had happened and why didn't they ring us?

Their phone was on answerphone and he left a strong but polite message but no-one rang back.

I now want to just write to the Ht, the Govs and the LEA to complain that they have totally failed in their duty of care.

AIBU?

YANBU. That is awful and bang out of order. I hope the school call you back first thing on Monday and give you a big apology. A big apology is also in order for your little boy.

As this isn't the only problem you've had with the school, I'd suggest you make an urgent appointment with the head to try to resolve things.

How old is DS2? It's difficult with hearsay (even if it's coming from both your DS's) as you really don't know what happened. I would certainly be speaking to his form teacher to find out what happened and if they knew your DS was poorly.

Ultimately, though, he wasn't seriously ill, ust not feeling well and nothing that a bit of Calpol didn't sort out. They may have thought he was just a bit tired if he didn't communicate with anyone how he was feeling.

You need to hear the other side of the story before making any decisions about how far to take it.
Is your DS in reception? How is he usually in school?
Answerphone will probably be checked on Monday morning, rather than over the weekend. I'm surprised the office was not responding by 4.15, ours shuts at 5.15.
Ring them again on Monday and ask for a meeting to discuss what happened.

no -YANBU. No idea what the other issues are, but if a child is crying, sick and clearly ill (lying on a bed doesn't constitute normal to me), then they should do something immediately.

HOwever, if DS wasn't being communicative then always a little challenging to elicit a normal response. But like you, I would be furious if the school behaved like this, What if it was something really serious? Asthma etc.. or meningitis. shudder at the thought.

They need to investigate why they did nothing and you need to go and see them about it and complain.

You might be being a little unreasonable. But that is allowed when your little one is poorly, it is upsetting.

I would be surprised if no one checked on him at all, but if he said he only wanted to tell Mummy then he might have said he was just tired or that he was ok and the teacher or TA just left him alone for a while.

It sounds like he is in reception or Y1 if his classroom has a home corner, and children of that age do sometimes say they are Ill when they are not, or get tired and just want a little lie down, or feel a bit overwhelmed and lie down.

I don't think you can assume the school has failed in its duty of care. They should have paid him attention, but if he was lying down they may not have seen that he looked particularly unwell, and if they knew it was almost home time anyway they could well have just encouraged him to wait as your dh would probably have been on his way anyway.

If that is true that is awful and you are absolutely right to contact HT etc. Try to calmly get their version of events on Monday though bearing in mind that children can give unreliable accounts esp if they are poorly. I hope he was mistaken or his story was incomplete because I'd hate to think they had treated him like that. How old is he?

I'm guessing DS2 is Infants age - reception, Yr 1 -ish? Very surprised teacher or TA didn't notice if he was poorly. OTH some of the tinies regularly used to sleep in the afternoons in the quiet corner, I remember collecting mine early for some reason, having to go into the classroom to get something that had been forgotten, and there were three of them fast asleep on the big cushion.

What was actually medically wrong with him?

Your child had a temperature which rose when he got home. He wasn't feeling great but the school let him lie quietly on a bed and let him stay there at play time. I am quite sure the teacher was in the classroom. The staff are also aware that you have other children and even if they had sent the lad home earlier in the afternoon, you would have had to drag him out again to collect your other dc. Your son was not dangerously ill, he had not broken anything, he has come to no lasting harm. Presumably too, the school often phones parents for a temperature or minor illness and if they havve to leave work they may not be best pleased.

I think you need to keep this in better perspective, especially as your ds did not tell a teacher he felt ill and the teacher seems to have respected this and kept a watchful eye without bothering him. The teacher may have intended to have a quiet word at the end of the day but a child may have fallen or a safeguarding issue may have come up and it might have slipped.

I really wouldn't be phoning the HT or the govs over this.

I think you're right to ask what happened and why it wasn't picked up on sooner but ywbu to go to governors etc.

Why was his tenperature so low? I'd be focusing my worries on that until Monday morning tbh.

Unfortunately, the head is not of a mind to resolve anything, as she invariably creates her own stories for why things have happened. her bottom line is, 'If you don't like it, move'.

The schools round here are all over subscribed, so they are all pretty much a law unto themselves. DS2 and DS3 would NOT be there if there was a viable alternative locally!

I know she will not apologise-she never has done, to any one, no matter what. They 'lost' a child last year-he was meant to be in afterschool, but walked home instead (at 4 YO!), and a neighbour brought him back. The head teacher denied it had ever happened when the parents went in to complain-said they'd made it up, and he'd been in after school all the time! When the child's dad called her on it, she shouted at him and told him to remove the child if he didn't like it! All he wanted was an apology and to be told they'd taken steps to close the gap so it wouldn't happen again.

She did similar to me over DS1, but mine was not such a cut and dried position. In the end, I did remove DS1, but I can't do that with the others, as there are no spare places anywhere else.

I think you must have typo'd the first temperature, OP?

I teach in reception. They often have a lot of child initiated time in the afternoon. We have a little bed in one corner of the classroom and often children spend a long time in there with other children 'looking after them'.

Choosing whether or not to play outside is part of the child initiated time is perfectly normal and again often children choose to stay indoors (especially while it is so cold).
Tbh honest if your child didn't tell anyone he was feeling unwell, was quietly in bed in the role play area, was talking to other chilldren (as you have said) - the teacher might well have missed the fact that they were unwell, what with the other 29 children in their care who were charging around etc.

It would be perfectly understandable for you to have a quiet word with the teacher about it if you are concerned but writing to the HT/LEA/governors is a massive over-reaction.

I hope your DS is on the mend now.

i have no idea what suggest, other than to kick up a huge fuss, as i have no school age kids and don't know how these things work.

just wanted to say this sounds more like a migraine than a normal headache to me.
my 4yo ds just started getting these and he does exactly what your ds was doing.
hope he's feeling better now.

You are projecting a different experience on to this one and looking for a reason to have a go at the school. Which probably means you are not being very objective, and are not in the best position to get the correct facts out of your dc.

I really don't think the head teacher has anything to apologise for.

I work in a reception class, children having a little lie down is really not that uncommon.

Yes, typo-temp on coming home from school was 39.6.
lots of replies all at once! Above post in reply tulipchoc.

I understand that school wouldn't want to call parents out from work for any little thing, but he IS really poorly.

I didn't say in my first post, but I'd spoken to a TA that morning because DS3 was feeling unwell, and I'd told her that I was at home all day, so I could pick him up if needed, so they knew I was available.

I think you need to gently persuade your Ds that when he is feeling poorly in school it is important to tell the teacher that he isn't feeling well. They aren't psychic and in a classroom situation like jasper described it would be easy for the teacher to not notice, and of course it is possible that your Ds hasn't accurately recalled what happened and time scales.

Have a quiet word with the teacher on monday and find out what her side of things is.

So what should the school have done? He didn't tell them he felt ill, many littlies are tired/quiet on a Friday afternoon. Didn't you notice he wasn't 100% in the morning? Also schools aint staffed with dr's yunno. YABU.

I agree with Jasper. On a Friday afternoon, a young child napping/lying on the bed in the room isn't an unusual situation. If no one asked him why he was crying earlier on in the day they probably didn't see him.

The school does sound pretty awful (from the things you have said) but complaining doesn't seem to have got you anywhere.

I would simply tell the boys that they are to tell a TA or Teacher if they aren't well and you or daddy will come and pick them up, that their teachers/TA's don't have crystal balls or the time to keep asking each child if they're ok - sadly.

Have you thought about homeschooling until there's a place available at a better school?

Yes, I probably am projecting other experiences onto this, as some have said.

The experience with DS1 was very difficult and traumatic for us all, and it is hard to be subjective now.

Also, when I was a new teacher, I had a child in my classs complain of regular headaches. Heatteacher and GP did not believe the little girl. Mum was very worried and confused, as headaches kept happening. I persuaded her to persist with GP, and it turned outthatthe little girl had a brain tumour. She died within a year. It affected me deeply, so even though I know my DS isn't serious, I will never fob off a child who is ill...

Luckily, mine are very robust and usually well!

Which is why it is so surprising that no-one spotted that his behaviour was unusual. He would never normally lie down all afternoon (if he was playing, he wouldn't do it for that long either!), and there are at least 3 members of staff in the room and only about 20 children, so not a harried teacher trying to look after too many children!

They are not allowed to choose when they go out. They have set playtimes and it's ALL OUT or else, rain, snow or shine!

DS2 is 5, BTW.

So you're a teacher? and supposedly au fait with procedures and CP etcetc and yet you are asking an anonymous internet forum if your childs school is acting properly and whether you should complain?????

beggars belief really.

LOL at 'I told a TA that I was around if ds3 wasn't well so they knew i was around ' - TA's don't run around school telling all other members of staff that a parent will be at home in case another child of that parent coincidentally isn't feeling well that day - clearly they didn't notice your child wasn't well anyway (for the reasons I mentioned) - it wasn't a conspiracy to keep your ill child at school!

Of course if your sons all have the same TA then ignore the post above....

chipping Home schooled DS1 for 5 months as a result of the school's failure. Can't afford to do so now, more's the pity.

alistron1 no, he was fine when I took him in the morning. Playing Zoro and wowing the girls, if I recall!

I think that, at some point over the afternoon, someone should have noticed that DS2 was not being his usual self, and gone to see why. If they'd have put a hand to his head, they would have felt the typical hot and dryness of a high temp.

They should then have taken him out of class, and got a first aider to take his temp. They should then have rung me and said 'Mrs Amistill, your DS2 has a temp of 39+ and has been lying in the home corner bed for the last 2 hours. What would you like to do?'. Then as his mother, I would have been able to make a decision.

I am cross because they didn't give me the chance to choose. unlike with DS1, who they couldn't wait to get rid of and refused to take full time

Yes, my sons have the same TA. I didn't just randomly pick on a TA!

My point is that they should have noticed at some point in the afternoon.