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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my family where to go

46 replies

onetoomanytoo · 27/01/2012 23:10

or should i just hire a hitman who would give me a bulk discount.

my mum recently died, until her death i was her poa, and she appointed me her executor. because of the absolute mountian of papers she kept, i am having to wade through it all carefully to make sure the probate forms are filled in correctly. and tbh, i am finding the whole emotional side of it very difficult to come to terms with.
this is not helped by the fact my dad is very poorly.

my siblings have taken to ringing my dad, asking what was in the will, why can't they have this, that and the other, my dad is enjoying playing them off against each other and me, and is begining to drive me nuts.

mum's will is very clear, she left it all to me, we are not talking millions, just a few thousend and all of her personal stuff.

my dad is not a nice man, he is arrogant, rude, nasty and sadistic, to name his better qualities.

because of the way he treated my mum i really have only hatred left for him, but since he became ill he is making more and more demands on me, whilst remaining rude, and condescending,.

my siblings deffinately take after him, and to be honest, if i never have to speak to any of them again it will be too soon.

so, back to my question, do i tell them all to just feck off or do i google hitmen and get a good discount.!!

thank you for reading, sorry, needed a bit of a rant.

OP posts:
yousankmybattleship · 27/01/2012 23:13

Good Lord you are nasty. If they want a few things why not let them have them? I'm sure they are not as perfect and lovely as you, but would it really kill you to let them have what they want?

Original poster
onetoomanytoo · 27/01/2012 23:18

yousankmybattleship, mum was perfectly clear, she didn't want them to have anything, i was quite shocked at that bit in the will, but she was adament, my siblings are wasters, scroungers and are very like my dad, neither of them are very nice people. and what your saying is i should go against my mum's express wishes,
oh, and the bits they want, they want everything, and i mean everything, they were deviding the house up between them when mum was laying on her death bed.
all i really want is my mum back,

OP posts:
eaglewings · 27/01/2012 23:25

How is she nasty for looking after her mums affairs for her and mourning her mum?

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2012 23:25

So so sorry for your loss. Anger is part of the grieving process and maybe you are getting a head start with your delightful family. If your mother wanted them to have nothing so be it. Maybe down the road you could give them each a thoughtful token so that if things change they have something to remember her by. Again sorry about your mum.

squeakytoy · 27/01/2012 23:26

I am sorry for your loss, but it must be a very harsh thing to face when your mother leaves everything to just one of her children.

Obviously none of us know the background here, and she had her reasons, but a family feud is going to be unavoidable in the circumstances.

Was she divorced from your father?

yousankmybattleship · 27/01/2012 23:29

I don't understand what you're complaining about. If all you care about is your Mum then enjoy your memories of her and ignore everything else. If your siblings are asking for things then just give them what they want. It is only stuff. Your Mum will never know how the things have been divided and it doesn't really matter. Don't get yourself all stressed out with battles that don't matter. Just hand over whatever they want and then get on with grieving for your Mum. Ifd you refuse to give them anything it just makes you look petty and mean.

AgentZigzag · 27/01/2012 23:29

Sorry about your mum onetoomanytoo.

I don't think you're nasty either.

It sounds like a difficult position to be in, some people become locusts after someone's died.

What is keeping you from cutting them all off?

Did you stay in contact for your mums sake when she was alive?

She chose you for a reason.

AlbertoFrog · 27/01/2012 23:30

yousankmybattleship why is the OP nasty?

onetoomanytoo I'm sorry for your loss. Death does seem to bring out the worst in people.

Be strong and try and carry out your mum's wishes to the best of your abilities.

Then book a nice holiday with the money she left you and leave your siblings to look after your father. Sounds as though they deserve each other.

GlitterySkulls · 27/01/2012 23:31

hate to break it to you, but the will means nothing.

when my dad died, his will made it clear everything was to go to my mum (they'd been apart 17 years) & if she was dead, it was to go to me.

nothing was to go to my half-siblings at all.

my two "sisters", my "brother" and my deceased brothers daughter, my "niece" filed something (the name of which escapes me right now) which meant they got a share of everything. despite my dad's will making it clear this was not to happen.

Original poster
onetoomanytoo · 27/01/2012 23:31

squeakytoy, no, they sort of lived together, but almost seperate lives,
my dad was really awful to my mum, i mean really really nasty, we often begged her to leave him, but she wouldn't,

and thank you all for your condolences.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/01/2012 23:32

You mean go against her mums wishes youankmybattleship?

Why would the OP want to do that?

And how is it being petty and mean?

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2012 23:35

One of the things people look for in an executor is someone who will follow their wishes not do whatever the hell they want. Otherwise why bother?

yousankmybattleship · 27/01/2012 23:36

Last wishes are not always right. It is better to be kind and generous when someone dies and try to biuld some bridges. The OP comes across as rather hard and callous and talking about hiring hitmen is sick at best.

FabbyChic · 27/01/2012 23:38

Just tell them she left it all to me and there is nothing for you to take.

Simple.

Original poster
onetoomanytoo · 27/01/2012 23:38

glittery, that is awful, hopefully mum's will is watertight, and tbh, if they did contest the only losers would be all of us and our children, as mum only left a couple of thousend and a few bits and bobs, all of the grand children were left a little token amount of cash, so any contest of the will and all the money would soon be lost in fees.

i don't want them to have what isn't rightfully thiers, i just want some peace and quiet in my life, not all this hassle.

OP posts:
Original poster
onetoomanytoo · 27/01/2012 23:40

the hitman comment was my feeble attempt to lighten what is a horrible situation for me.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/01/2012 23:45

I took the hitman comment to be the OP trying to get across the depth of feeling she has over whatever the backstory is yousankmybattleship, and hiring a hitman felt like the only option to get them off her back.

And if her mums belongings really did belong to her when she was alive, of course her wishes are right.

GlitterySkulls · 27/01/2012 23:45

thing is onetoomanytoo, in the eyes of the law, it is rightfully theirs, due to them being your mothers offspring.

btw, in my dads case, it wasn't megabucks, either- they got something stupid like ( poundsign doesn't work) 500.04.

if one of your siblings was deceased, their eldest child could claim their share instead (as happened with my niece).

imaginethat · 27/01/2012 23:48

Sorry about your mum and I agree about the grief, it takes many forms and your siblings' carry on will be adding to it. And part of what you will be feeling will be all the hurt at how she was treated by your dad. V hard.

Can you take some time away from it all so it doesn't overwhelm you?

I disagree that you are mean or nasty, obviously you were close to your mum and you are carrying out her wishes not to mention sorting out all the paperwork. Not easy.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2012 23:50

Tis the rule on AIBU someone has to say that you are. I hope you feel better soon.

Maryz · 27/01/2012 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

randommoment · 27/01/2012 23:55

Actually Glittery, a will is a will is a will, and unless someone can show that unreasonable influence was inflicted on the testator, or the will was illegally drawn up, she or he can leave whatever he or she likes to whoever she or he likes. And fair play to them. The rules you're thinking of/describing apply only in intestacy (where no legal will was left).

randommoment · 27/01/2012 23:57

Going through sorting out late brother's estate, hence fairly up to speed on this stuff.

rhondajean · 27/01/2012 23:58

I have a horrible feeling that moveable estate can be contested....but not property...though it may just be in scotland. I'll google...

GlitterySkulls · 28/01/2012 00:00

random-my dad had a will,i know as i handed it in to the lawyer personally.

the will was drawn up legally in the lawyers office, with appropriate witnesses, & had been drawn up 20 years prior to my dads death, so no-one could have put pressure on him. at the time, none of my half-siblings had anything to do with my dad.

they contested my dads will, & got a share due to being my dad's children (or grandchild in my nieces case).

perhaps it is different in scotland.