to tell my family where to go

[onetoomanytoo]

or should i just hire a hitman who would give me a bulk discount.

my mum recently died, until her death i was her poa, and she appointed me her executor. because of the absolute mountian of papers she kept, i am having to wade through it all carefully to make sure the probate forms are filled in correctly. and tbh, i am finding the whole emotional side of it very difficult to come to terms with.
this is not helped by the fact my dad is very poorly.

my siblings have taken to ringing my dad, asking what was in the will, why can't they have this, that and the other, my dad is enjoying playing them off against each other and me, and is begining to drive me nuts.

mum's will is very clear, she left it all to me, we are not talking millions, just a few thousend and all of her personal stuff.

my dad is not a nice man, he is arrogant, rude, nasty and sadistic, to name his better qualities.

because of the way he treated my mum i really have only hatred left for him, but since he became ill he is making more and more demands on me, whilst remaining rude, and condescending,.

my siblings deffinately take after him, and to be honest, if i never have to speak to any of them again it will be too soon.

so, back to my question, do i tell them all to just feck off or do i google hitmen and get a good discount.!!

thank you for reading, sorry, needed a bit of a rant.

I'm so sorry you're getting this shit on top of grief and the onerous task of executorship.

If they are asking what's in the will, why don't you send them each a copy so its there in black and white for them to read what your DM wished. Write a polite letter explaining that your job as executor is to try to enact your mother's wishes.

I think a will may be contested if it fails to make provision for dependents, but I presume the OPs siblings are independent adults.

Agree with random I am sure from my old law school days I recall that in your will, you can leave your estate to who you want, regardless of whether they are related or not. The only way I think it can be contested is if the will was not correctly completed, or if the person making the will wasn't of sound mind, or did so under duress. Otherwise, how would people with family be able to leave all their worldly possessions to the a random beneficiary, like the battersea dogs home? Happy to be corrected, by someone more up to date legally than me!!

Sounds an horrendous situation OP that you are soon sorted and you can get on with grieving for your mum in peace.

grimma, so were my half -siblings & my niece.

my eldest sibling is 5 days older than my mum, the rest a few years younger.
my niece is 10 years older than me.

so, all were indeed adults.

Or as grimma said, perhaps if dependent children were left without provision.

Apols for typos in post, would love to say it's due to drunkenness, but also no, just sausage fingers!

GlitterySkulls, the law in Scotland is different from that south of the border. Children cannot be disinherited from "moveable estate" even if a Will was written.

Just trying to clarify - unless the OP is in Scotland, what happened in glittery's case won't happen here? So she can send them the will and say, this is what legally should happen, end of.

I think so. But I'm in Scotland and not a lawyer, so not a reliable source!

lucky op, then, in that case.

i personally think a will is a will, you should go with it- shame scottish law doesn't agree.

Also not an expert, but what glitteryskulls describes is a Scottish thing and does not apply in England from what I know (have dealt with English probate).

Unless the other siblings were financially dependent on their mother, or suspect undue influence or fraud, they wouldn't have a case to dispute the will. And if they tried, if it's only a small estate, the lawyer's bill would eat up the entire amount in a week or so.

Maybe the OP should offer them each one or two small items of sentimental value, just for the sake of it, then basically tell them to eff off?

GlitterySkulls Sat 28-Jan-12 00:30:02
lucky op, then, in that case.

i've just realised how this comes across- i meant lucky in the sense she won't have to go through the shit i went through

sorry!!

In the uk (england) it is an ex expat described. Other countries (eg Spain and Italy) do not allow you to exclude offspring irrespective of age, even if you specifically try too. I think this is called Napoleonic law ??

www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/2818267/This-is-the-way-to-challenge-a-will.html

Anyone can contest a will. No you dont have to leave to offspring. You can leave to whomsoever you choose. Just make sure you are of sound mind when you do it.

He says in many cases people make perfectly sane judgments to disinherit friends and family members and leave their money elsewhere. But in cases where nothing has been left to surviving family members solicitors should ask pertinent questions and provide evidence that this is a rational and considered decision, so the will cannot be challenged at a later date.

youareabattleaxe yousankmybattleship are you the grasping sibling. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you do IMHO need to wind your neck in.

OP YANBU, sorry for your loss. Let the grasping bastards know they aren't welcome, stick daddy dearest in a home at the first possible opportunity.

Good luck.

gimma, thank you for your advice, i am going to do as you suggest, will send them each a letter, with a copy of the will, and will point out that they are within thier rights to contest it but ultimately, it will be thier children who miss out as much as i will, mum didn't have lots of stuff, but she made the will for a reason, and i want to do right by her.

not drip feeding, but !, even the funeral was a nightmare, mum had left very detailed instructions on how she wanted things, my siblings wanted to turn it into a 3 ring circus, and got very nasty with me when i wouldn't allow them to do so. and on the day of the funeral, after the wake, my bro tried to break into a cupboard in my mum's house to get at some of the stuff he felt he had a right to.

and to answer some questions,
yes, i have only put up with them in my life for mum's sake, same with my dad really, i have no love for him anymore. he owns the house outright, so that has never been an issue, mum's estate has no claim on it as far as i can work out from the probate websites and some advice from a freindly lawyer.

am due to go on my hols in a couple of months, so, will try and get probate sorted, cash distibuted and everything tied up befre i go, then i can go on my holidays and draw a line under the whole sorry business. and no, not spending my inheritence on the holiday, its was booked last year!

thank you all for your kind words and help, just feel that sometimes i am fighting this battle on my own.

Funerals can really make peoples emotions run high, which is ironic when you think of how people are expected to behave with decorum and dignity isn't it?

If your mum didn't have a lot onetoomanytoo, could she have been so specific because she felt bullied by your dad for so long and wanted to have her voice heard in the last thing she did?

Sorry if I've read between the lines there, but it just seems as though she wanted to do something she felt was important, just for you, that nobody else could touch.

agent, you are spot on, i looked after my mum for a long time, not boasting or bragging, i did it because i love her, will always love her, my siblings flitted in when they wanted something, usually cash then vanished for weeks on end again, my dad just thought she was a nuisense and wanted her hidden away in a nursing home, thats why she made me her poa, to protect her from her grasping family. i am proud to say i did that, and will honor her will as she wanted .

That's so lovely onetoo

But it makes the contrast with her other family members so pronounced.

Trying to break into someones cupboard just after you've been to their funeral is shocking behaviour.

'not spending my inheritence on the holiday, its was booked last year!'

You bloody spend your inheritence on whatever the fuck you want! Don't feel you have to justify it to anyone.

sorry about this sad position you're in.

When you send all your paperwork in to the probate registry they will check whether or not the will is valid and as long as it is ok then you will need to follow it's wishes.

I wouldn't even inform your siblings they can contest it, if they've got a problem they should look into it, don't help them to make your life harder. If they end up putting a caveat on the application it can be a right pain to shift it.

Any problems just give the local probate registry a call and they'll advise you for free what the correct legal position is.

Yousankmybattleship - you are nasty. Condolences to op.