So i know i am but please tell me so!

[EllenandBump]

I am now starting to get impatient with the council, i have made a homeless application had it rejected and now waiting on the review of it. They have had further evidence of DV, but they seem to be taking absolutely forever to get a final answer. I love my mum very much, but feeling i need my freedom and own space and it is doing my head in not knowing!!

I just want a home for my son and me! I am just getting so impatient. I know i am bein g unreasonable, but these months (almost 3) have been wasted if they still come back and say no!

Please tell me to stop being so bloody impatient about everything and chill!!

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this. :(

Are there any housing associations that could help if the council cannot get it together for you?

I don't have any advice but I've read at least one of your posts before and I really feel for you so didn't want to just read and run.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. After all you've been through a home for you and DS is the least you can ask for but perhaps the fact you're having to wait means you'll get something a little bit better than if they just throw the first available abode at you?

Good luck OP.

What about speaking to your MP? I'm not really sure what they can do, but it can't hurt to ask. Their office might look into it for you.

I hope it's sorted soon.

i've read some of your posts before.... is there no way you could get a private let ? i know its awful when they won't help you i've had to go into private... i hate to be the voice of doom but if your area is like mine then if you where put in the top priority (unlikely as its reserved for medical need) they do not have to rehouse you automatically, you could also find yourself being offered bedsit accomodation till they found you somewhere, hen they do offer you a house if you refuse it you're back down the list...

look at private, check the LHA then see what you can afford, if you are on benefits you can apply for a social loan and community care grant too to help with the cost goodluck xx

No rent in advance or deposit. Have so little coming in, its barely paying off what debts i have. My borough now does a choice based lettings scheme and although i am impatient surely council is my best option realistically. I am in a london borough, so properties are taken quickly on the private market and therefore dont seem to take housing benefit. I am allowed up to 750 per month rent on LHA though, but that means 1500 in rent in advance a deposit and council wont help unless your in priority need. I have shelter solicitor on it, but feel really restless now and helpless, felt better when i was running around doing things like a headless chicken....at least it felt like i was doing something rather than sitting on my bum, doing nothing!

Ellen, it's not actually that long since your last thread on this. You have had lots of advice and links to Shelter, Womens Aid, Gingerbread etc. But as before you need to accept that you aren't on the street, you are not overcrowded at your mum's, and your HV felt your accommodation was OK.

There is a massive waiting list in Bexley for social housing. You have a housing advisor, you have presented all the evidence you have and now you just have to wait and see. Nothing is going to happen that quickly because your situation isn't an emergency.

Have you researched your Plan B options with regard to finding out about the rent deposit scheme etc? I suspect private rented accommodation will probably be your only option if you are that desperate to leave your mum's.

But you are safe, warm, dry and fed where you are. I know it's not ideal, but it's better than being in Notts and it's better than being on the street or in a crappy bedsit you can't afford anyway - isn't it?

I suppose its not just housing making me restless, still waiting on hearing back from solicitor regards of access and residency and the divorce. I probably just want everything at once. I now have a supporting letter. The council said no they wouldnt house me, not on the grounds we werent over crowded but because although mums written a letter saying we have to get out, they believe it safe and reasonable to return to where i was living before and therefore to him and i quote because "when asked the police declined to comment whether it was unsafe for you to return" therefore i believe if it had been unsafe they would have expressed this and pressed charges?? WHAT, now i have a supporting letter from my old health visitor and my new one is going to write one as soon as she gets my files, which she has requested urgently. How the hell can i return. have looked into rent deposit schemes, and my housing advisor has said we will see what the council comes back with now, which should be by 20th of february, as to where we go from there. I know there are people out there worse off than me, but its soo unsettling for everyone. I dont want much. The rent depsoit scheme, and only one i have found, will only accpet famillies which are considered to be in priority need, which they do not count me as, cos i still have a legal right to occupy the tenancy my husband is residing in which is a joint tenancy which he has equal rights to. Wish i would just know whether they would house me and then i could at least start to bid on properties. Really just fretful cos i dont know where i am going or what i am doing.
Surely its understandable, i feel like this. I have spoken to shelter and they passed me onto claire, who is legally trained in housing law and is the housing advisor helping me, i know it will take time, but patience is not my strong point!

you can get help with rent in advance by applying to the social loan, as a single mum with one child you can get £812, then you can apply to the community care grant scheme for a grant you do not have to pay back, you can apply for them now before you move.

only thing i can see is maybe trying to be prioritized fo another reason say for your mental health because the situation at your mums so you need rehousing on them grounds... but seriously be prepared, i was in exactly the same situation as you, i had my ex living 2 streets away threatening me and ds and they didnt want to know

Ellen, I think I've caught most of your other threads regarding your situation. I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time!

You said your mum has written stating a date where you will have to leave her home. It's very possible your council will wait right up until that date before housing you in a bedsit or B&B of some sort.

At least this is what they're doing with people in my area and we are quite well off down here in terms of housing compared to alot of the uk.
DH deals with alot of homelessness in work and this has become the rule rather than the exception I'm afraid.

It's very easy for me to say, but try to not let the system upset you and stress you out more than you already are. It is flawed and they know it but it's all we've got for now :(

I really hope things work out for you.

If you are completely broke now, and unable to save anything towards a private let, how are you going to cope on your own, to feed yourself and your child, and to pay your utility bills?

It may be a squeeze at your mums, but at least you are warm and fed.

Ellen your situation is understandably doing your head in but you do have to be patient, there's no alternative really other than to wait for 20 Feb. To be honest, in you position I would actually be more worried about having to cope on my own in future with barely enough money to get by, especially if you are in debt already.

Of course it isn't very nice having to live with your mum again, but at least it is somewhere comfortable, rather than in a room in emergency accommodation. Plus the longer you stay with your mum at minimal cost to you, the more you can save in preparation for when you do get your own place.

Have you talked to your local Home Start? They might be a good source of support and local contacts.

www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/need_support

It operates in Bexley, the contact details are:

Tel: 0208 302 8119
Fax: 0208 302 8119
Email: [email protected]
7 Hadlow Road
SIDCUP
London
DA14 4AA

Thank you, Good thing is my debts are getting paid off while i am living at mums. I needed to get them paid off as soon as cos of all the late payment fees etc. Its hard being in debt and wasnt really my fault. I am glad i dont have to take on half of my exs debts either. The overdaft of 100pounds i have left as the account is in joint names and he would just take the money out and deny i had paid my half, hence that will go through a solicitor. Hopefully i will manage. I dont get much coming in and i am helping mum out with all her bills too, as she is using more. And of course my own food! I have about 200 pounds saved so far, Also, although i can get a budgeting loan i already had 320pounds cos it took them so long to process my benefits, in crisis loans,mainly because i had nothing to live off of and no nappies food etc. It is such a mess. Just want really to know a yes or a no. I am going to speak to citizens advice and see how much it might cost to get my debts written off and start again a fresh. I know its not fair on the rest of the population for me to get out of paying them off, but i would never be so stupid ever again. For one, i wouldnt have to get things on credit or contract cos he had sat in the pub doing drugs so that i could feed my little one and me. I dont spend money i cant afford. I am sensible with money, he wasnt. Housing benefit properties are few and far between, just want to know yes or no. i dont really want them coming back after almost 4 months with a no, to be honest, cos then i am back to square one!

Well it sounds you are doing what you can, in a sensible way. Do get some debt advice from the CAB, they can certainly help you with that. You might want to have a look at this, if you haven't already.
www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_money/money_management_index_ew/help_with_debt_index_ew/options_for_dealing_with_debt_ew.htm

Also, have a look here: bbcdebts.com/debt-management.html

Do get in touch with Home Start, Gingerbread etc for advice and support.

Unpicking a situation like this is always going to be slow and very frustrating. And to be perfectly honest, I think you would be wise to prepare a Plan B in the event of them coming back with a "No", because housing is so very tight at the moment, particularly in your area. Researching your options is crucial - at least you would know how to proceed if that was the case.

In hard times your local Foodbank may be able to give you some help with necessities:

Thamesmead foodbank
020 8166 8799 [email protected] thamesmeadfoodbank.blogspot.com/ Thamesmead Foodbank Emmanuel Church Yarnton Way Erith, DA18 4DR

With regard to the bank account, is this still operating? If so, you must take steps to ensure that no further joint debt is building up. If you haven't already done so, you should make an appointment with your local branch to explain the situation, and also make your solicitor aware.

The bank is aware and will not extend the overdraft further, which was a relief to be honest. My housing advisor is looking into all other options. I have been online and through absolutely all of the housing associations local to me and they are all only taking nominations from the council. I have noticed a good few new houses going up. Surely shelter will be able to get a list of landlords who take housing benefit. I have been onto a website who deal with landlords who take housing benefit, but they are either really big properties, want a large cash deposit or too far away/ expensive!

Claire my advisor is looking at other options as well as pushing the council too. I am trying to do whats right by my son and me. Its just so hard and frustrating. All i want is a yes or no, and a divorce!

My friend has recently contacted the council who have stated they wouldn't be rehomed until the date the landlord wanted her out and that would be the only way to get temporary housing before being settled somewhere that they could get permanently and that could take a long time too.

I haven't read your full post but going off the statisics I've heard about 3 months isn't long at all. People living in shelters wait longer than this. When I was a teenager my best friends mum had to flee her violent husband and they put her and her 4 children into sheltered accomodation for 6 months and that was back in the mid 90's!!! and technically you're in a "better" situation living with your mum.

Just a yes or no to whether they WILL house me Or A NO, then i know where i am going. I have been told that even once i am on the waiting list i could be looking at 6months plus, so i dont expect a place over night, just want to know either way! I am in a better situation than some and i was told i could go into a refuge, but the way i saw it was that there are lots of women out there suffering like i did, and i didnt want to unnecessarily take up a refuge space that one of those women could use instead of me.

So they haven't even told you you can be added to any list yet how ridiculous?! what sort of circumstances do they expect these days??? I have a friend who works for a housing association in Preston (I don't live there) apparently the new rule coming up there is if you start full time work you'll be asked to give up your association house!!! So basically "can't be bothered to work" will pay off?? Rules just get more and more bizarre.

Seconding the home start bit. A family i supported were having a dire time with housing. My homestart supervisor spoke to the housing man at the council and I don't know what she said but the family were rehomed within two weeks to a fantastic house.

Maybe your local HS could give you a hand?? Hope it sorts out soon.

I am I right in thinking when you say 3 months you mean just to tell you if you can go on the list? If this is the case YANBU in being very frustrated. I am glad that where I live anyone can get onto the list and bid on property.
Flight risk the new rule is't quite that simple. If you are in full time work and they determine you earn enough to pay private rental or get a mortgage then they will give you 12 months to do so. Reason being is that there are so many people who really don't 'need' social housing (such as a man who who earns £100k a year, who I can't remember his name) that are taking up houses that could be lived in by families in need, as that is what social housing is meant for.
Ellen you have so much going on that I am sure you are very unsettled, try and keep calm and it will all sort it's self out in the end.

The end seems to be so very far away right now. I dont want my little one growing up unsettled in any way cos of me...but this has to be better than watching daddy hurt mummy right? He was obviously understanding as he was screaming as soon as daddy started to raise his voice and was scared of him. I am doing the right thing, i know i am. I feel better, my little one seems happy enough, just hoping he wont be able to remember his first 15months when he grows up, i know i cant or i would remember my dad but i cant

Ellen - what will you do if they say 'No'?

Can't you start working towards what you would do then anyway? At least you might feel as though you are doing something and not just waiting?

Your DS will remember being loved by you and that's all. Knowing he feels safe, loved, warm & fed. No one really remembers anymore than that of their first few years.

Claire (my housing advisor via shelter) is going to look into some other options, she has contacts about rent deposit schemes i think, but they will only assist those that the council wont. I am saving as much as i can, and hopefully claire wil have some more ideas! I have tried online for all the housing association websites local to here and they are council nominations only and the only rent deposit scheme for famillies is through the council yet there are plenty for single people, which seems unfair to be honest, but i suppose single people arent seen as being a priority to the council. If only life were simple, but its not!

And until they say NO me and claire cant work out where to go next! such apain. I just want a straight answer! Still will know by 20th february!

I can totally understand where you are coming from - the waiting is awful, you just want to know, even if it means waiting for a place after that, you just want to know if you will go on the list or not.

You will just have to count down the days :(