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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why she's never offered me at least a cup of tea?

52 replies

soandsosmummy · 27/01/2012 18:41

Our neighbour is in and out of our house on quite a regular basis looking for a chat, help with cat feeding, to offer DD some of her surplus craft stuff - all sorts of reasons. I think she's lonely, and I don't mind as she's very pleasant and I like her. We always offer her a cup of tea/coffee, glass of wine, snack etc. depending on time of day and she always accepts.

We occassionally need to pop in on her for minor things and never once has she offered us even a glass of water. Today I popped round with a parcel that had been left with me as she was out. She invited me in, asked me to sit at kitchen table for a chat, made herself a cup of tea and didn't even ask if I'd like one.

AIBU to think this is odd

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 27/01/2012 19:53

Very odd to have made herself a cup without offering you one. Probably just never crossed her mind to offer though, some people are like that, they just live in their own little world. Next time just ask her for a cup.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/01/2012 19:58

Um, I can provide biscuits but cake never lasts long enough for visitors in this house :o

MCos · 27/01/2012 19:58

Maybe she was a little bit frazzled, since she wasn't expecting you.
If so, she will be really embarrassed when she realizes later on..

breatheslowly · 27/01/2012 20:12

Does she invite you in at all? Maybe her house is a tip. Ours used to be and I would be embarrassed to invite someone in for tea.

JustHecate · 27/01/2012 20:35

perhaps next time she puts the kettle on, just say "ooh, yes. Lovely. Good idea. Thanks. I'm parched."

FabbyChic · 27/01/2012 20:47

Or say two sugars please, or say can I have a drink of water etc.,

PopcornBiscuit · 27/01/2012 21:07

She's probably just absent-minded or nervous about having visitors. She'd be mortified if you dropped heavy hints, which could come across as sarcastic. Better to just be straightforward and ask with a smile "do you mind if I have a cup of tea too, please?" :)

echt · 27/01/2012 21:10

I have to make an effort to put on the kettle as I don't have tea or coffee after breakfast, or anything else until wine o'clock.

randommoment · 27/01/2012 21:17

Utterly bemused here - I can't imagine making tea and drinking it in front of a visitor without offering a cup too.

SulkySullenDame · 27/01/2012 21:23

Maybe she's from Morningside

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 27/01/2012 21:29

Really odd.

But in relation to the offering visitors biscuits with their tea, there's a saying in these parts that the tea is too wet without something with it. (Ireland)

dwpanxt · 27/01/2012 21:30

I just cannot imagine making myself anything-even a glass of water -without offering something to a visitor.

I wonder if you have once said that you dont like tea/hot drinks/drinking out of coloured mugs

dwpanxt · 27/01/2012 21:32

I just cannot imagine making myself anything-even a glass of water -without offering something to a visitor.

I wonder if you have once said that you dont like tea/hot drinks/drinking out of coloured mugs

languagepedantic · 27/01/2012 21:36

'Is she married? I often think that living along makes people pseudo-autistic.

Or else she's just rude'.

Good grief ...... as if ageism wasn't bad enough on MN, now we have 'singleism'

PrettyCandles · 27/01/2012 21:37

Just ask. Some people do lack social graces. It took me years to learn to offer people tea. Partly because I barely drink it myself, but partly because...well, I don't know why! It just didn't occur to me. A roofer trained me taught me to offer tea.

I really haven't a clue why it didn't occur to me, and why I still sometimes have to prod myself to remember, and why the decision whether it would be appropriate to offer tea can be so nerve-racking. My parents have always been very hospitable, and I am genetically programmed to feed visitors. It's only the 'just dropped in' ones that flummox me.

So if she puts the kettle on say something like "Oo, good idea, I'd love a cup of tea."

happyhohoho · 27/01/2012 21:43

Perhaps she is not used to having visitors and lacks experience as a hostess. Don't take it personally as she clearly enjoys your company and is kind to your DD.

TheCrackFox · 27/01/2012 21:46

Maybe she doesn't have a kettle?

Irishchic · 27/01/2012 23:03

Oh FGS, the woman is either incredibly rude or just odd. Or probably both.

I use too much kitchen roll a biscuit has around 100 calories, at most. If you are eating a balanced diet and active then a biscuit with a cuppa is hardly unhealthy.

Pandemoniaa · 27/01/2012 23:07

How peculiar. I was brought up in South East England and Northern Ireland and while it is common courtesy to provide refreshments in England, in NI it is a heinous crime not to offer hospitality. I can't imagine inviting someone in for a chat without offering refreshments, let alone make myself a cup of tea and leave a guest without a drink.

Pandemoniaa · 27/01/2012 23:08

PS. And what's a drink without biscuits?

breatheslowly · 27/01/2012 23:12

I didn't read the OP properly. I can't believe you were at her kitchen table and she made herself tea but didn't offer you one. Maybe she only has one mug. I would be very tempted to bring her a mug as a gift just in case she only has one mug.

Irishchic · 27/01/2012 23:19

Yes Pandemoniaa - In Ireland a cup of tea is the minimum, in fact many people would feel that JUST being offered a cuppa but no biccy is a bit rude, but definitely most people would offer you a plain biscuit with your tea, and here in rural Northern Ireland, you could well expect to be offered either scones or homemade fruit cake.

Pandemoniaa · 27/01/2012 23:54

Agree Irishchic - my mother would have been mortified to offer a mere cup of tea. She always produced the most wonderful scones from her rural Co.Fermanagh kitchen too.

Mya2403 · 28/01/2012 00:24

OP you're welcome to come to mine I just baked a huge fudge cake. I always offer my guests coffee/tea/cold drinks etc as well as cake or biscuits.

Mya2403 · 28/01/2012 00:28

OP you're welcome to come to mine I just baked a huge fudge cake. I always offer my guests coffee/tea/cold drinks etc as well as cake or biscuits.