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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that women define themselves too much by their bodies?

66 replies

silentcatastrophe · 27/01/2012 16:03

Diets don't work. Surgery is dangerous. High heeled shoes are uncomfortable and make-up has been poisonous. I was teaching a child to ride and she was fretting about looking fat in johdpurs. I told her that it was much more important what her body could do than what it looked like. Whatever we do to ourselves, we are never going to look like Jessica Rabbit!

OP posts:
Zwitterion · 27/01/2012 16:08

Yes of course. But it's not only women who do this. Our whole society is set up to value female appearance over any other attribute, this is pedalled by men as much as women (and perhaps more so).

jellybeans · 27/01/2012 16:15

YANBU I have always felt the pressure on how I look and of course it is drummed into us that only youthful women are considered attractive too. Luckily I see through most of it but I feel sorry for my DDs. I also hate the whole playboy/page 3/lapdancing thing and think it doesn't help.

Jessthebunny · 27/01/2012 16:23

she's right you really will never look like me Grin

BumbleBee2011 · 27/01/2012 16:27

I think it's true but also women tend to judge other women very harshly, certainly compared to the way men look at each other. So all the stuff we put ourselves through is mostly for other women!

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2012 16:29

Agree with Bumble

Most of the criticism I hear of women are by other women.

Lio · 27/01/2012 16:37

I would re-word it as 'women are defined too much by their bodies'.

NoMoreInsomnia12 · 27/01/2012 16:45

Yes probably. But at the same time many people are overweight and could do with losing a few pounds for health reasons - me included. Am only preoccupied with my weight because my BMI is 27 and I can tell I could do with being a bit lighter. I think I actually look ok.

coffeesleeve · 27/01/2012 16:49

I define myself (partially) by my body, but not because I'm ashamed of it. I'm fat (BMI of 29-30 depending on time of the month!) and I lift weights. I can deadlift almost 150% of my bodyweight and squat my bodyweight. So yes, I define myself by my body because it is MIGHTY!

I also define myself by my job, but that's another matter Smile

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/01/2012 19:05

No matter what shape we are, we are all, men and women, so fleshy. I think Lucien Freud was right about that! Isn't it time we realised we weren't made of plastic, and instead we are fleshy, even if we pad ourselves out with mattress filler...

OP posts:
giveitago · 27/01/2012 19:18

I have never defined myself by my looks. And because of that I've always been invisible.

I haven;'t worn makeup since I was 23 as I just cannot be bothered - I'm judged harshly for that. But I still don't care. I'm not one of those that think good grooming is sign of good mental heath.

gamerwidow · 27/01/2012 19:20

Yes society as a whole defines a womens worth by their appearance more than their ability and it is wrong.

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/01/2012 19:22

I don't wear make-up either. I have worn it for photographs and I'm quite good at filling in the cracks and drawing lines round things. It doesn't do much for me for every day though! No-one has asked me why I'm naked faced.

OP posts:
PopcornBiscuit · 27/01/2012 19:25

YANBU. It's all got so out of hand, when women are so obsessed with what they look like. It's just so dull, when there are so many more interesting things in the world.

giveitago · 27/01/2012 19:28

I've have bad hormone issues and so I've been ever so overweight and also very thin. I was always made to be aware - by other people's comments.

I'm now fairly normal- I'm one of those invisible type people. I scrub up very well but it's just not my priority. So I look fairly dowdy, I suppose.

I do go to the gym but it's for my health - certainly not how I appear to other people.

I can't imagine spending more than two minutes infront of a mirror. each to their own.

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/01/2012 19:44

I think we should have a UK nakedness week when it is forbidden to wear clothes!

OP posts:
giveitago · 27/01/2012 19:45

No no no!

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/01/2012 19:48

We're all made of the same stuff and we should be pleased that we are alive. Our bodies have a history and we should be proud of it, or at least recognise that our bodies is what we are.

OP posts:
Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/01/2012 19:48

I do recognise that some people are happier naked than othersGrin

OP posts:
Puffykins · 27/01/2012 19:50

But even if one decides to 'opt out', i.e. to not wear make-up, one is still defining oneself, simply by making that choice.

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/01/2012 19:55

I don't think I'm opting out of anything. Make-up is supposed to enhance your face. For most people who wear it, it does nothing of the sort. Oh deluded people! I'm not at all anti make-up. It would be good to see it better applied.

OP posts:
giveitago · 27/01/2012 20:00

I'm not definig myself by not wearing makeup. I have loads of the stuff - just can't be arsed.

I think makeup is ageing but it's not why I don't wear it. Just not enough time of a morning and not my priority.

Certainly not a statement.

I've read that not being groomed is a sign of not caring about yourself. My exercise is just to give me a bit of energy. My not wearing makeup is really because it's not in my world view.

I have colleagues who look absolutely great in their just right clothes and just right makeup - it's part of who they are. That's great.

Puffykins · 27/01/2012 20:01

I'm with you on being proud of our bodies in terms of their keeping us alive, and in terms of what they can do, but I don't see anything wrong in people wishing to improve them, say, by careful dieting, and exercise. Yes we're fleshy, but in the same way that you point out that make-up doesn't enhance everybody's face, so excess flesh doesn't always enhance everybody's body. Which is not to say that I agree with surgery.

manicinsomniac · 27/01/2012 20:03

I don't know if YABU or not

WIth people we don't know, the body is the first thing we see. So in a sense, I think it's right to define yourself and be defined by what you look like - it is the outward manifestation of who you are and all many people will ever know about you.

DurhamDurham · 27/01/2012 20:03

I wear make-up, keep fit and eat quite healthily, I'm a size 10, I'm only 5'3 and would love to be taller. I do not define myself by my body, it's a very small part of me. I don't think (most) other people define me by my body shape.

Having said that I would hate to be defined by one single thing. I

'm a Respite Coordinator by day and get treated very well and as if I'm a very worthy, good, intelligent person. I have recently been waitressing to pay off some bills and I got treated very differently. It was as if I was stupid and needed to be pitied or patronised. A very interesting experience which showed that I was defined by the job I was doing.

Looks like we are defined by one ting or another.

PopcornBiscuit · 27/01/2012 20:09

"But even if one decides to 'opt out', i.e. to not wear make-up, one is still defining oneself, simply by making that choice."

But not wearing makeup should be the default for human beings, surely? I don't play baseball or wear a pink shellsuit, but I'm not "opting out" of those things, because they're not an integral part of being a human being.