to expect my special needs Son not to be abused and humiliated by his father?

[mumandthree3]

I'm worried sick. My ex physically and mentally abused me and my children while we were together. He carried on abusing the children once we separated during access visits. I stopped the children going.
My ex took me to court to get access again. He had supervised visits and he was the model father of course. He was granted unsupervised fortnightly visits. Now the abuse has started again.
I spoke to my Sons Social worker who was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. I cant get a response from the solicitor despite several phone calls.
I know i'll be in contempt of the court order if I dont send them but my instincts say dont let them go. They are supposed to go tomorrow.
What shall I do?
Has anyone else experienced problems with an abusive ex?

hiddenhome your post is a true reflection of the situation that I'm experiencing. I have not had the trauma of facing a residence order. However I see that could happen.

I have a friend who was in a mixed race/religion relationship. When she fell pregnant he tried to kill her as she refused to abort the baby. He bashed her skull in with an iron bar. She was lucky to survive. She had the baby. The courts found him guilty but let him off with effectively a smack on the hand. They have given him access rights as he said he's sorry and would like to see the baby! The poor girl is living in fear of what he may do to that baby. The courts are a disgrace.

I wish you well with your situation too. Its very difficult.

You must be living in a Local Authority that is breaking the law, then ,because that doesn't happen where i have worked, without a lot of services involved first.

i think alot of bollox is being spouted on here. hiddenhomev belivev it or not but MOTHERS are also capable of mental abuse. In fact it was proved that females use mental abuse and men tend to use physical abuse.

I think you need to contact your son's social workers line manager and have a conversation with her.

You will need to be very explicit with her about the abuse taking place.

I would call NOW and ask to speak to the duty social worker - I'm a foster carer and that's what I would do. There will be someon there now.

Does your childs social worker disagree with you that there is CURRENT abuse taking place or do they think there is no abuse taking plac/abuse not bad enough to act?

If you answer people OP, you might get the advice that you need.

MrSpoc where did I say that mothers don't cause mental abuse? I think you should read the original post and see that I was actually answering the OP.

Another embittered bloke are you?

That's unpleasant and uncalled for hiddenhome

Maybe, but I've seen enough to know how these things turn out See my face, see how bothered I am?

You've seen enough to generalise and insult another poster?

Grow up.

Lol @ 'another' embittered bloke when MN has so many embittered women

embittered isn't a crime.

Being an arse is.

:)

so saying that someone is spouting 'bollox' isn't insulting then?

Yes it's insulting, I'm just amused by your comeback

Spouting bollox was a general comment.

You were just downright rude.

Do i really have to explain the difference?

No, spouting bollox wasn't a general comment. It was aimed at me after I gave the OP an answer, which, she admitted was a true reflection of her situation. I recognise the hostility that occurs when a parent brings these issues up. People don't want to hear about the true picture. I couldn't give a rat's arse if you think I have been rude.

Mrspoc would have wrote.

"You are spouting bollox"

As opposed to..

"i think alot of bollox is being spouted on here"

Then you went in for the kill because the poster had a "Mr" in front of his nickname.

People (embittered men mainly) cannot stomach the fact that many men are just as bitchy and manipulative as some women and use these skills to abuse their children

hiding thread now, so argue amongst yourselves.

You're not tony taxi are you?

( ! )

That's better :)

Apart from the mainly.

I'm embittered sometimes and i'm not a "Mr".

Who the hell is tony bloody taxi?

Op could you answer these, please and don't goon anyone's post whotells you of their experiences, it changes between Local Authorities and time scales. (Especially ignore things such as child abusers have to have contact)it's not my experience at all and is very unhelpful.

Were your children subject to a Child In Need, or Child Protection plan?

Initially I was assessed and SS said they were happy that I was taking care of the children suitably and supported my decision to withdraw contact.

Who dictated the supervised access and was it conducted in a Centre by Family Support Workers? The courts requested CAFCAS then CCS were employed by CAFCAS.

Was there a parenting assessment done? Yes

How mature are your children and are they saying that they don't want contact?

They are 6 and 8. The 6 year old is unsure of the situation, the 8 year old does not want to go

Did they have a Children's Guardian

No

mumandthree

I really feel for you, what a terrible position to be in. Of course you don't want your kids being put in that position, no parent would (well, no decent parent). I do believe you and so will others. You do NOT need to defend and justify yourself to people here.

Can I make a suggestion that you ask to have move this to relationships or lone parents, where I think you will get more support and useful advice.

Without making any judgement at all on you for posting here (I know it's high traffic). AIBU is really not the best place for this kind of thread - as you will have noticed.

Lovely, you DO NOT NEED to justify yourself and answer questions on here. Hope you're ok.

If MN has so many 'embittered women' on it Worraliberty why do you spend so much time on here?

I think it is absolutely disgusting that a thread which was posted requesting support from someone who has suffered domestic abuse and is in her own words 'worried sick' about her kids has turned so obnoxious.

How about people actually offer her some support, stop implying she is lying/exaggerating the abuse and stop demanding she answer questions?

flippinada, Thank you.
I'm a newbie and not very PC literate didn't realise there were other sections Doh!

Anyway now that People have tried to help and offered advice I feel able to move forward again. I know what I'm going to do.

The thread has descended into bickering now so I'll end here.

I'm treating myself and my fabulous boys to a take away. Their request to celebrate Chinese New Year. As good excuse as any!

Thank you everyone for your advice.

That sounds like a lovely idea mumandthree. I'm glad you're feeling more positive and in charge of things, it can really wear you down.

Enjoy your takeaway, all of you :)

Of course you are not being unreasonable, mumandthree. I'm so sorry you're facing such an awful situation.

This won't be any use to you regarding the visit tomorrow but the organisation Rights of Women has a legal advice line. It's not open 24/7 though I'm afraid but it might be worth going over this with them to get some additional support and advice.

Rights of Women website here