to think there's a conspiracy of silence

[standupcomedy]

I've recently started ttc, after a long time of thinking and talking about it. I thought I knew the important stuff: got a pre-pregnancy health check, know and follow the guidelines on folic acid, alcohol, caffeine, foods to have lots of (fish, fibre, fruit & veg) and to avoid (soft cheese, shellfish, undercooked meat, pate, vitamin A)...

But I keep finding out things that I just didn't know!

For example, last week I heard for the first time that lube kills sperm. Why has no-one ever told me about this?!? Even the nurse at my health check - despite giving me helpful information about timings - didn't mention it. I'm in my late 30s: I'm already worried about whether it'll all work. The last thing I want to do is put up a defensive barrier! So now I'm armed with that pre-seed stuff, and hoping that will help next month...

Then just this morning, I discovered that green tea reduces folic acid uptake, and in fact a lot of herbal teas are potentially damaging while pregnant. I've been alternating between peppermint, and a mixed one made up of herbs which (I've now discovered) you're not meant to drink while pregnant: dandelion (bad), fennel, ginger root, liquorice (bad) and nettle(bad)... I'm only drinking herbal tea as a substitute for real tea! But why did no-one tell me about this? I'm sure in the past when pregnant friends have been off caffeine, they've substituted other herbal teas. Though now I think about it, it's often rooibos tea, which tastes like cats piss I'm not keen on.

I know there are lots of superstitions and old-wives-tales about pregnancy, but these 2 things seem to be genuine, and yet I'd never heard of them. How am I meant to find out this stuff? And what else am I missing?

Gps are woefully uneducated about Ttc as are most of the general public as most get knocked up without too much effort. Do yourself a favour and sign up with fertility friend, you will find out more in 5 minutes on their chat boards than you will in a half hour chat with a gp in th uk (in my experience anyways!)

This site seems pretty good: www.babycenter.com/is-it-safe-nutrition-during-pregnancy

Tbh, I didn't know the herbal tea rules. But as a rule of thumb, I just got obsessive about reading up on anything I ate/drank during pregnancy. Ditto, anything I, for want of a better word, chucked up me during conception ;). It's all a pain, isn't it.

I don't know much about TTC like Rogersmelly says, and I expect most of the above doesn't matter when its all plain sailing but could matter a lot when you're struggling.

Nothing much to add to the advice given other than try to stay calm, because from people I know who have TTC'd they swear that stress was the biggest bar to conceiving (notsure how true that is, but they all fell pregnant when the pressure was off)

Wish you the very best of luck and hope it happens for you soon.

Royal jelly good to take
Try the sperm meets egg plan
Use a clear blue fertility monitor
Dh in loose pants, no laptop on knees
Vitamin b complex (check with go first as am not one)

No, love. THere is too much bullshit talked about TTC. You have, you say, only just started so you shouldn't be in a desperate panicky got-to-get-everything-right mindset just yet. People have been concieving and breeding for centuries without the benefit of conflicting government advice about which herbal teas to avoid.
Honestly, relax, chill out, enjoy the shagging and hopefully you will get PG fairly quickly and easily. You probably will. Good luck.

Stop trying so hard? I didn't do anything like that. We just had sex, no faffing around with tests or health checks and all that crap, we conceived within 3 months of ttc.

how strange about the green tea? I've just picked up a multivitamin for women wanting to ttc and on the package, it boasts "with folic acid and green tea", because "Green tea, vitamine E and selenium have a good influence on healthy cells and tissue and play a part in fertility". You'd hope they mean a positive part. :)

YANBU about the whole conspiracy of silence thing. The whole "eat A, no eat B, no B's bad, but A is perfect" drove me mad the last time.

Re sperm, I was shocked to discover that it takes 70 days to form. Basically, from my perspective, any time spent getting the boys heated up (hot tub; heated seat; etc) is counter-productive.

Also, bear in mind that it's possible to shag too often. Just go for every 2-3 days. The GP gave us this advice after I had us shagging every day and sometimes more than once a day. Also, no male masturbation.

What lube kills sperm?Thank goodness t'interweb wasn't around when we were ttc.Sorry to be unhelpful though.Best of luck Stand.Live up to your name and relax a while. Mx.

Saliva, I believe, can also affect sperm. Ahem. (Got me off the hook anyway )

thanks everyone for the advice, links and kind wishes .

Gosh I didn't realise it takes 70 days for sperm to form! Zinc helping the boys is another thing I just found out about, and was wondering whether to suggest a vitamin supplement to DH. It might be early days to worry, but if it takes 70 days to take effect, then he may as well start now!

Maras - apparently pretty much all lube kills sperm, though I know that it can't completely kill it, since lots of people get pregnant while using it! It did really surprise me that I'd never heard of it before.

G1nger - gosh, I didn't know that!! That's piqued my curiosity, and I'm going to have to google... though will have to be careful about the search results, I think .

Though intriguingly, I read about a study where they found that women who had used condoms for contraception, or were with a new partner, were at higher risk of pre-eclampsia. Something to do with your body reacting to your partner's genes in the baby: and you apparently develop some kind of immunity to that through long term exposure to his sperm. Since it seemed to be an immune response, and the oral route is generally an effective way to deliver a vaccine (think polio), they checked the stats for whether women gave oral sex - and found that it reduced the risk!

solidgold - 'desperate panicky got-to-get-everything-right mindset' made me laugh. I guess that does describe me a bit! Although for me, getting information makes me feel more in control -so this is actually my way of trying to relax about it.

Pre-seed is the only lube that does not kill sperm. You can get it on the internet and I'm convinced it works because as soon as we started using it and not the regular (though a zillion times better) Pjur we were using before, I got pregnant. Another thing is that men who sit with laptops on their laps alot could be damaging their sperm and decreasing the chances. I've told my husband this not so much so I can get pregnant again but because I get sick of seeing the thing surgically attached to his lap. I'm hoping his desire for more children will win out over Call of Duty or whatever rubbish it is!!!

Spagetti that's really not helpful. Just because you concieved easily doesn't mean the op doesn't want or need to know about ways to increase her chances.

I've been there when ttc, there's really nothing like the pain of desperately wanting a child but continually not getting pregnant. I tried every way I could to increase our chances (starting with the scientifically proven and continuing to the outlandish as I got more desperate), eventually we concieved and now have dd. I hope it works out for you OP too.

Sanatogen do a his and hers preconception vitamin pack - one blue and one pink

rooibos is lovely if you don't mind

leave the t-bag in for ever, don't take it out (otherwise it tastes like cats piss)

good luck with getting a bun in your oven OP.

Stop reading and have more sex!

Don't eat canned food. There's something in the lining of it which prevents the tin reacting with the food that causes serious infertility in rats and mice.

About tea. I get insomnia sometimes, so I never have caffeinated tea in the evening. What I have taken to doing is making decaf tea drinkable by a combination of Buying Really Posh Decaf Tea (Clipper Organic) and then making the tea in the teapot I use normally for tea. This seems to give it some taste.

It is possible to over think these things you know.

Whack down some prenatal vitamins and get shagging. This works for most people.

Lots and lots of sex, all the time, in all different positions/times etc.

Tell you the info I did like? Female orgasm increasing the chances of conception, not there is some useful information. Something to do with the cervix dipping into the pool of sperm during orgasm.

I wonder when DH is home...

Yorkshire Tea decaf is fine. Personally, with the amount of sugar I put in, I can't tell the difference.

Yes Spaghetti what a twatty thing to say!

OP you sound like you're overing the bases....you'll be great I'm sure.

There is not a conspiracy of silence, if anything there is far far too information available. Most of it utter bullshit.
You can drink any commercially available teas you like, they will have ZERO effect on you. Tinned food DOES NOT make you infertile. Lube certainly doesn't kill all sperm otherwise it would be used as contraception, and millions of women get pregnant using it.

You don't need MORE info, you need a lot LESS. If you want to get pregnant, work out when you are ovulating and have sex then. Thats pretty much all you need, unless you have real fertility problems, which won't be cured with green tea and woo anyway.

No no. Don't pay attention to when you're ovulating (like I did for months). Just shag every 2-3 days throughout your cycle. The rest is stressful.

I'd echo sgb's advice and just go for it!

If it helps to reassure you, I took green tea when I was ttc and it worked in two months, after three and a half years ttc. I then read that it stopped absorption of folic acid and was really panicky as I have a sister with spina bifida. .
All my DC are fine. Just make sure you take lts of folic acid and limit your green tea to 3 cups a day if you are concerned.

Good luck!

Given that much of the advice you will read is conflicting it's not that helpful to hunt up everything you can possibly get, read it and panic. Either you and your H are reasonably fertile, or you're not. If you are not, as TPA says, you will need more assistance than green tea and woo. If you are, you will get PG.
However, if you work yourself up into a massive flap about everything you can think of, you may delay the process: sometimes people who are TTC are so uptight about the process that they stop it happening, and all of a sudden they relax, have a drunken bunk-up against the wall and boing, here comes a baby. (Though, again, 'just relax' won't work if there is something actually wrong with one or both partners).
Give it a go, give yourself 6 months to a year and if no results after that, have a word with GP. Best of luck. If you had a shag last night you might be PG already, anyway.