Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DH to arrange our first wedding anniversary and just whisk me away?

30 replies

MistyMountainHop · 26/01/2012 09:53

we will have been married a year soon and a few weeks ago we decided it would be nice to go away for a couple of nights

so i left it, didn't say anything else and hoped he would sort something. but so far, its been me who has ended up arranging the babysitting (with my mum), have been looking online for where to stay etc. and basically thinking about all the details has been left to me Hmm

AIBU to want him to sort out the babysitting, and to think about where we would both like to go, then choose where we are going and book it. and just tell me, this is where i am taking you and its all sorted.

just seems a bit unromantic :(

maybe i am being ungrateful, i don't know!

OP posts:
EirikurNoromaour · 26/01/2012 09:56

Why is it more romantic for him to organise it than you? Why don't you organise it together?

aldiwhore · 26/01/2012 09:56

I think you're being a bit princesslike. You're in this marriage together, so arrange it together.

Yes it would be lovely if we were whisked away to romantic shores as a surprise occassionally, but he's not being a knobend by not doing it.

You agreed together to do something, you then left it with a half expectation that you'd sown a seed, you by your own admission didn't want to be the organiser, maybe he feels exactly the same?

Babysitting does tend to fall to the mother to sort, and YANBU to expect him to do something about that as well, but as far as everything else goes... if you want whisking, whisk him!

plantsitter · 26/01/2012 09:58

If it were me (and it easily could be - DH not spontaneously romantic really) I would tell DH that I wanted him to secretly arrange a trip to or failing that somewhere with the same vital attributes (a nice big bath and a comfy bed in my case).

Then I would 'forget' I had told him and await my lovely surprise whisking away. Sadly, real life ain't a trashy romance novel.

FrizzyFrazzled · 26/01/2012 09:58

It's my first wedding anniversary next weekend (we were together for years and had DS before married, but still) and we are maybe going out for dinner... so sorry, I think YABU. You still get to enjoy a full weekend away which, as far as I know, is more than most people do to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Agree you could organise it together rather than doing it all, but why should he organise it and whisk you away?

Kayano · 26/01/2012 09:58

I

NoWayNoHow · 26/01/2012 09:59

Why should he be the one to organise it? Maybe he's waiting for you to organise something romantic for him?

I don't see why the onus should be on him to make a plan, that sounds very old fashioned to me.

I love to plan these sort of occasions myself, as then I get to choose the lovely things we do Smile

So, yes, I think YABU

PosieParker · 26/01/2012 10:00

I think you should organise it this year OP. sorry.

Kayano · 26/01/2012 10:01

I can obviously not use my phone... Hmm

I arranged my first anniversary - just booked a table at nice restaurant because we were working.

I threw my back out the day before and we ended up with me snivelling over my disappointing anniversary take away.

The next year we got out for a meal but it was awful!

This year we watched DVDs and cuddled and had a drink together and it was much better Wink

OrmIrian · 26/01/2012 10:02

Why? Why should he do it? Why is it romantic for him to arrange it and not for you to do it? It's the weekend away that's romantic not the way it was arranged.

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 26/01/2012 10:26

Babysitting does tend to fall to the mother to sort

THIS is true. and fucks me off Angry

why? why is it always up to "us mums"

double grrrrr

OP posts:
Hassled · 26/01/2012 10:29

Some people are organisers and some just aren't. It doesn't necessarily mean a lack of care; sometimes you just have to think "well he's crap at spontaneously sorting romantic breaks, but he's great at X, Y and Z", and accept that. Swings and roundabouts, etc.

But you do sound very cross - is this against a background of him never taking the initiative or being thoughtful?

FrizzyFrazzled · 26/01/2012 10:30

Have you asked him to sort it? Has he said no?

seeker · 26/01/2012 10:32

Why is it up to him to whisk you away for a romantic weekend? Why can't you do the "whisking"?

TeamDamon · 26/01/2012 10:33

I agree with others, I'm afraid - it's not your birthday (where you would be reasonable in expecting him to arrange something) but your shared anniversary. Why should it be up to him and not you to organise it? Don't you want to do something nice for him?

elvisaintdead · 26/01/2012 10:33

Maybe he wants to be whisked away by you? Then you'll both be waiting for the other to sort it and it won't get done. What's wrong with both sorting it or whoever has time to do it doing it?

Fillybuster · 26/01/2012 10:34

YANBU to want a nice first wedding anniversary.

YABVU to expect your dh to sort it out and surprise you with a romantic break.

As everyone else has said: either sort it out together, or ask dh to arrange it for you.

But if you get your dh to arrange it, you have to be delighted with whatever he books...I suspect you want the full romantic shebang, so it might not live up to your expectations. If your dh does sort something out, and you're not sufficiently impressed, he really will never do anything ever again....

Appreciate that you're lucky to get a weekend away, and stop whinging.

Blacksquirrel · 26/01/2012 10:36

YANBU to want him to organise but YABU unreasonable if you just expect him to.
My DH is not very romantic. He has tried in the past but in all honesty if I want to go somewhere I know I will enjoy I am better off organising it myself.
I delegate to him instead. We are celebrating 10 years this year. I came up with the ideas & delegated him to book it which he has done. DH then feels like he is 'taking me out' & we're both happy!

Have a nice time!

worldgonecrazy · 26/01/2012 10:43

Arrange it yourself. Years of experience have shown that even the most well-meaning man will get it completely wrong. Choose your restaurant, tell him where you're booking so he can't complain when he sees the prices, pick up that phone and book it.

Yes, it would be nice, if just once, the men in my life would get it 100% right but I have come to accept that they won't. I organise all my own birthday, christmas and anniversary treats.

eurochick · 26/01/2012 10:58

I know how you feel, OP. I end up doing most of the organising. I would like for once to be whisked away. Actually, he did do it once - for my 30th, but that was 6 years ago.

Jacaqueen · 26/01/2012 11:12

He should organise on your Birthday

You should organise on his Birthday

Both of you organise on your joint wedding anniversary

TimothyClaypoleLover · 26/01/2012 11:16

Maybe your DH is thinking you will be organising a romantic break for him!!

Agree that as you decided together (and it is anniversary rather than birthday) it should be a joint thing to organise or at least you telling DH to organise or vice versa.

Hopefully your DH will whisk you away as a surprise for your birthday, although I have been waiting 12 years for this to happen!!!

BlackBobBorderBinLiner · 26/01/2012 11:34

YANBU but sadly it's probably not going to happen.

My DH is under the impression that he's great at organising stuff but anniversarys and the kids birthdays aren't valued and the fact I always seem to be having a birthday every year comes as a huge surprise.

His own birthday is highly prized and large social events at great inconvience to friends were planned for 30 & 40. Not sure I even had a cake for my 30 th let alone a card or a present.

On normal days he's normally alright most of the time. - faint praise indeed

tinkertitonk · 26/01/2012 13:56

Blackborder if he is normally normal you are certainly today's winner.

OP why are you so angry?

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 26/01/2012 14:01

tink i am not angry about wanting dh to sort our anniversary. just was hoping for something more romantic than pretty much sorting it myself for our first anniversary.

but i am angry in that it fucks me off that its always down to the woman to sort babysitting out. for once i would like dh someone else to arrange it

OP posts:
kidsinamerica · 26/01/2012 14:02

I think you know you're being a bit precious and UR eh?

It's his first anniversary too remember - how's about you plan it together?

Why should you sit back and get it all delivered, think about it, weren't you (if you're honest) really the main focus of that particular day a year ago? Your first anniversary is a shared event with someone else remember!