To think I should not be let out in public on my own?

[RevoltingPeasant]

This isn't even funny, just cringy.

Last week I was waiting by a taxi rank and there was a man next to me, standing quite close. The cab driver finished his fag and came up and said, 'Where are you two going?'

Man: Oh, we're not together.

Me, in failed attempt at humour complete with freakish dramatic eyebrow wiggle in Man's direction: I should be so lucky!

Man:

I think he thought I was trying to pick him. I so wasn't. I have no idea why I thought that would be funny. I am not Benny Hill IRL, honest.

time just tell me a time and a place and ill be there :o

I am guilty of the chatting to people just cause they waved and thought they were waving at me, so much so that I've started doing it to other people when I'm feeling naughty.

When DS was first born on our first trip out alone I ended up getting to the bus stop before realising I was still in my PJs, I used to make myself coffee and scrape the excess off with a knife.

I remember when I was about 5 begging my granddad for chocolate as we were walking to the shop and he said you'll have to show me some love so I closed my eyes as I emphasised how much I loved him and grabbed him for a massive hug to find he'd moved to walk around a man in front of us and unsuspecting man had 5 year old girl wrapped round him saying how much she loved him.

About the same age at Xmas Santa snuck up on me in a department store and yelled merry Christmas in my ear so I punched him and screamed stranger and ran.

When I was a teenager I was out with my dad and he kept getting me in a headlock and tickling me, so I screamed "help I'm being raped" just as a policeman walked past

That is sufficient for now!

Once as I was striding down the High Street, with my arms swinging deteminedly, my left hand at its zenith gently cupped the warm bollocks of the tall man walking behind me It couldn't have been a better fit if I'd used heatseeking technology. He was wearing very thin shellsuit style jogging bottoms. I blustered a horrified red faced "Sorry!" and ran away hooting.

I do voluntarily advice. Yesterday I laughed when a lady came in as I'd had the exact same question earlier. Unfortunately the question was about Bereavement benefits as her husband had just died.

dS1 has a habit of going out then coming back straight away for something he has forgotten and not bothering with a key, did this recently and I was busy and cross so shrieked 'oh ffs use you f-ing key or go round the back' then wrenched open the door roughly to find my neighbour looking a bit scared wanting to ask me something

These are hilarious.

Years ago, I was on the way to a meeting at work. We usually had them on the seventh floor but because of building work we had to use the meeting rooms on the sixth.

I was in a bit of a flap as everyone had gone ahead of me, I was a bit late.
There was just me and one chap(who I didn't know) getting into the lift. He went to press the button and asked which floor I wanted. I got my words mixed up and in a whiney, stressy voice I replied, "I need sex!"

I was 8 months pregnant and on a walk with two old friends in a park with a lake and just threw my handbag into it. I don't know why - in the handbag was my purse, house keys, mobile and book I had just bought. I then shinned over a large gate and fished it out with a stick watched by curious dog walkers.

Think I did had a sort of pregnancy madness I also had to go home early from work because I had hysterics (never had before or since). I read a lame joke in a work magazine and could not stop laughing I had to hide in the loo. My colleagues were bewildered they couldnt wait to read the joke but when they did we all realised it wasn't funny at all I had just lost it.

Sometimes I say things like that to strangers, or pull faces, or make a comment (you know speak! in public!!). Sometimes they respond and sometimes, well, not ....

I was out with my dsis and had to go into a shop, when I came out I jumped into her car, picked up her handbag and said "oh this is nice, is it new? It was the wrong car. The poor woman looked terrified.

lessemin she must have thought you were a carjacker.

Okay, I swear this is true - the Boy Scouts one earlier reminded me - my DSis3 lives in a very rural part of the US but quite hippyish, and they had an acrobatic/ circus troupe thing training at a venue they have there.

Whilst we were there DSis took us skinny dipping because 'it's so remote out here, we do it all the time in broad day light'.

And yes, just as we were refreshing ourselves in the shallow, crystal clear river.... the circus troupe walked out of the trees and filed past on the path.....

I've just thought of one. Last year I had a silver Ford Focus. I filled the tank at the petrol station, went and paid, got back into a silver Ford Focus that wasn't mine but parked next to mine! The owner found it funny. I thought the car was too clean to be mine!

You can't take my mum anywhere. She and I were queueing at the checkout in Tesco when the woman in front of us turned and started gabbling about some girl she'd just seen and what a right state she looked and god knows when she last had a wash... we had no idea who she was talking about but my mother nodded and said 'makes YOU look good doesn't it?'

I sniggered a bit and looked the other way, my Mum caught on what she'd just said and started to smirk, that got me going so I said I'll be back in a minute, went off and laughed hard in an aisle somewhere, came back still grinning and my poor mother had her nose in the air pretending to inspect the ceiling but when she saw my face she burst into laughter and all the while this woman was looking at us as if we'd gone mad. I didn't want to offend the woman so I tried to explain why I was laughing but she hadn't even HEARD what my mother had said, and that was even worse because then I had to tell her so the silly woman had to both absorb the comment my mother made and then our laughing about it and she just said 'oh, right' and went back to waiting her turn in the queue.

My mother and I were in my car driving down to Luton. I copped her making a gesture at the truck driver next to us and asked what on earth she was doing because it looked like she was making a 'wanker' sign. She said 'I was telling him that his lights weren't on'

I pointed out that not only did it look like an obscene gesture, but how on earth was he meant to deduce from it that his lights weren't on?

5 minutes later my arms and wrists were starting to ache so I stretched one arm out and wiggled my fingers palm up in a clawing motion. My mother shouted 'you can't do that!!' I said 'eh?' she said 'people will think you're being rude!'

Turns out she thought I was making some kind of universal sign for 'bollock juggling'

I'm crying with laughter at this thread! I just have some cringeworthy moments but I think I've erased the memory from my mind