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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd's cookery!..... again!

42 replies

mrsshears · 25/01/2012 17:40

Tell me if iabu on this one please.
Dd 14 has cookery tomorrow and as per usual she is telling me this the night before,in addition she has no ingredient list and wants to phone her friend to ask her what they need to bring.
The last time this happened,which was also the last time she had cookery, i told dd if it were to happen again( not getting herself organised and also not giving me enough notice to buy the ingredients) she would not be able to do the cookery class,aibu to carry this threat out? it seems harsh but if i don't then i know she will do this everytime and i really want to teach her to be organised,what do you think?

OP posts:

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 25/01/2012 17:43

YANBU, but send a note to the teacher explaining you're not deliberately disrupting his/her lesson and you're happy for DD to spend the session in the library / writing lines and don't expect the teacher to find something else for her to do. That may further embarrass DD into not doing it again

silverfrog · 25/01/2012 17:43

I'd let her phone her friend to find out what the list is supposed to be - you never know, it might be stuff from the store cupboard/fridge

but otherwise, no yanbu.

when is she likely to have been given the list? if it is the school not giving enough notice, rather than her forgetting to ask you, it is not her fault (my dd2 does a cookery club after school; she is dairy intolerant. without fail, the teacher who runs the club asks me the day before (ie Monday pick up, ingredients to be taken in Tues morning) for substitutes. deffo teachers fault, as dd2 is only 4! )

elvisaintdead · 25/01/2012 17:46

If DD is 14 then let her phone her friend and then go to the shop herself to get the ingredients (assuming you have walking distance shop?)

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 25/01/2012 17:50

YANBU. I would do the same, and also do as ATruth suggests and send a note.

CailinDana · 25/01/2012 17:52

I agree, don't let her ring her friend, send her in with a note for the teacher. It's a valuable lesson to learn. Then just to help her in future perhaps ask her every Monday (write a note for yourself to remind yourself) if she needs anything for cooking - just to get her in the swing of being pre-prepared. Stop the reminders after a while and hopefully she'll take over.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 25/01/2012 17:54

I think you would be unreasonable not to let her do it. It's part of the school curriculum - she has to do it.

Also, I know it is short notice but it's not the middle of the night. Supermarkets are open, there is plenty of time to get things (unless you're in the middle of nowhere with no car, then yes, you may have a problem!)

Yes she has been disorganised and a pain, but I wouldn't want to show her up in front of everyone tomorrow by being the only one without the stuff. Also it will be a pain for the teacher to have her not join in.

Phone the friend, make her write the list, take her to the supermarket then wait outside or look at other stuff while she finds everything she needs. Maybe make her pay for it if you feel she really needs to learn a lesson, but I wouldn't send her to school without it.

mockingjay · 25/01/2012 17:54

Let her phone her friend, then rummage about and see if you have the stuff. If not, she can go to the shop tonight or get up early and go on the way to school tomorrow. There's no way my mum would have been running about for me like this at 14. So no YANBU

mockingjay · 25/01/2012 17:57

And I meant let HER rummage about and see if you have the ingredients. I would set a specific number of days before hand that you need to know about shopping ingredients if you are going to buy them. After that - not your cooking lesson, not your problem

thisisyesterday · 25/01/2012 17:59

i agree with silverfrog.

if SHE can sort this out then let her. it's silly to try and prevent her finding out what she needs and then saying she can't do the lesson.

why not teach her that when you do something silly like this then you need to be prepared to sort it out yourself. instead of allowing her to miss the lesson

Rubysmommy · 25/01/2012 18:00

I did this to my mom when I was at school it did annoy her but she did get me the ingredients.
Like the others have suggested, I'd ask her on a Monday if she needed anything.

thisisyesterday · 25/01/2012 18:00

and yes, maybe every week when you are doing your weekly shop you could ask her what she needs for cookery that week? and eventually she will learn to remember to ask you

scurryfunge · 25/01/2012 18:03

I am surprised you get that much notice. My DS usually informed me at around 8.05am that day.

loobylou67 · 25/01/2012 18:09

I would let her look for ingredients BUT as others have said her not you!

At 14 the school/food teacher will class getting ingredients organised as homework, so in effect she has failed to do homework!

fuzzpig · 25/01/2012 18:15

I think if there is a shop she can get to she can do it herself. I wouldn't sort it out for her - that virtually encourages her to do it again. But I wouldn't prevent her ringing her friend.

Just let her do all the running around. She is old enough to take responsibility. She will learn better from that and hopefully appreciate what you've done in the past by helping her at the last minute!

ObiWan · 25/01/2012 18:15

I really depends on why your daughter does not even know what she needs to take in.

Was she actually in the class/at school when the list was given out?

If the class is part of her usual school timetable, and you have given fair warning after last time, I'd let her try to sort herself out this week.

If it's an extra-curricular thing, I'd just pull her out.

ModreB · 25/01/2012 18:29

DS3 does this, and it is very hard to check each week as he has a 2 week timetable and doesn't cook every Food Tech lesson. It drives me mental.

Sirzy · 25/01/2012 18:36

I would agree with others and make her sort it herself. If the shop isn't within walking distance drive her there then sit in the car/cafe while she goes and buys what she needs.

HazleNutt · 25/01/2012 18:38

she is 14, not 4. My mum would have thought I'd gone nuts if I asked her to sort out anything I needed for school at that age.

BandOMothers · 25/01/2012 18:41

Yes but Hazle she won't always have the cash to go and buy her stuff for cookery...she's only 14!

Eglu · 25/01/2012 18:46

I think as some others have said, it is fair to let her ask her friend and try to get ingredients herself. If she can't only fair to not get them for her.

She is old enough to take responsibility for herself.

Tequilamockinbird · 25/01/2012 18:47

My DD (also 14) does this too, as do her friends, and it drives me up the wall. I think it's a teenage thing though as I used to do it too

Sometimes it's the morning of the lesson, as she's coming down the stairs. "Mum, I need 3 camel's eggs and 2 teaspoons of crow's beak for cookery today"

Which leads me in to, Why is it always the most bizarre ingredients that nobody has in their cupboards?!

Tequilamockinbird · 25/01/2012 18:47

Meant to say, I know my post isn't helpful but, you are not alone!

HazleNutt · 25/01/2012 19:03

yes it's possible she does not have the money. But surely it's her responsibility to ask for the money then for her to go and buy the ingredients? Or if the shop is not walking distance, ask mum to buy, but it's not reasonable to demand that mum has to find them from somewhere the night before.

MixedBerries · 25/01/2012 19:05

I think you need to carry the threat out. If SHE wants to sort it out herself and use her initiative to get out of the situation (eg asking if you can take her to the shop while SHE gets the ingredients) of going to school empty handed then that's fine but if you made the threat I do think you should follow it through. It's not THAT big a deal to not do one cookery lesson. I would only write a note for the teacher if you think she'll ever give it to the teacher- I know if I were 14 in that situation, I wouldn't bother.

mockingjay · 25/01/2012 19:07

totally agree HazleNutt. If it's a one off i'd help her, but OP says she's been warned.

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