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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to complain about being late for work?

39 replies

SisterAnne · 25/01/2012 13:10

In our I house I go out to work and my husband stays home to look after our son, which is fine. Or at least it would be if I could get him out of bed in the morning. Every day I get up with our boy and give him breakfast and when I get home I cook dinner for everyone, wash up, tidy the house and do bath and bed while my husband plays computer games. This doesn?t bother me because he?s had to look after our boy all day. But what does bother me is that I?m persistently late for work because he stays up into the night playing on the computer so he?s very rarely out of bed by 8.30, which is when I need to leave for work. I?ve tried talking to him about this but he just gets angry and says that if I have a problem I should move out (the home we live in was handed down to us from his family so he sees it very much as ?his? house). Is there anything I can do? I would drop our boy off in daycare but really can?t afford it.

OP posts:
bejeezus · 25/01/2012 13:13

Idiot
Id move out if I were you

manticlimactic · 25/01/2012 13:13

Seriously? You're considering daycare? Why not drop the boy on the bed as you go. What would he doo?

mousymouseprice · 25/01/2012 13:14

how old is the child?
I would just leave the house with the bedroom door open so he could hear him.

Abbicob · 25/01/2012 13:15

I would do as Manti says - drop your boy on husbands (head) bed on your way out

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/01/2012 13:15

Oh dear, doesnt sound like teamwork to me! How old is your DC?

Lovemygirls · 25/01/2012 13:18

I would have a chat but if his attitude is that you should leave that's not a good sign, does he really want you to leave or does he just want you to stop "nagging" - NOT that I'm saying you are nagging because you have a very valid point! He is putting his computer games above the well being of his family and I would be livid.

I would ask him how I can solve the issue, what does he want to do about it? Let him suggest ideas, does he want waking with a cup of tea at 8am to give him time to come round (I'm not much of a morning person and sometimes my dh does this for me, he also physically helps me get out of bed by pulling my arms and putting my legs over the side of the bed and then cuddles me for a few mins until I'm alert enough to get up - he doesn't have to but I like it and it's a nice way to be woken up) if being nice doesnt work I would eventually get very annoyed and either put loud music on or bang a pan with a spoon (my granny has been known to do that) if worst comes to it I would take the computer games and hide them!

Lovemygirls · 25/01/2012 13:19

What would he do if you got sacked for being late? Would he care? Maybe you could tell him you have had a warning about it at work?

LaurieFairyCake · 25/01/2012 13:20

How is he paying for his food and utilities? I presume your job is paying for that? Hmm

In which case you have your job to do and he has his - how exactly would you all manage if you lost your job due to being late?

How do you even know he's supervising the child and not sleeping? I would be having a very serious conversation about his role and yours and pointing out that if you were to move out then as you were married the house would need to be sold in order that you got what you're entitled to for your son.

if he's not prepared to pull his weight then I would move out, get divorced, get the house sold and hire reliable child care.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/01/2012 13:21

" he?s had to look after our boy all day."
Has he? Are you sure? Or is he playing computer games all day as well as all night?

Pozzled · 25/01/2012 13:22

I would be putting your DS on the bed 20 minutes before you have to leave, so you have a bit of time to get ready.

I'd also be looking at how much free time you both get- do you have as much time to spend on a hobby as he does? I'm guessing not.

Callisto · 25/01/2012 13:24

I would move out. Your partner sounds like a twat of the highest order and just because he is a SAHD does not excuse him from pulling his weight. If he worked and you stayed at home I'm sure he wouldn't do all of the cooking and childcare when he was home.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 25/01/2012 13:27

I too would leave. I couldn't put up with that. He is being disrespectful to you expecting you to get your child ready every morning whilst he pleases himself.

Also like whereyouleftit said, he is probably just playing computer games all day whilst looking after your DS.

TopazMortmain · 25/01/2012 13:27

Um, is he crazy? He's obviously NOT looking after your DC as he's in bed... Hmm

I would pop DC in the bed with him as you walk out the door TBH and not look back.

Confused
bejeezus · 25/01/2012 13:31

its not as easy as just putting him on the bed and walking out though is it? OP wants to be certain that idiot is conscious enough to make sure dc is safe and happy

ENormaSnob · 25/01/2012 13:33

Do you really think he is looking after your ds all day or is he gaming?

I wouldn't put up with this tbh.

He sounds shit.

bejeezus · 25/01/2012 13:33

but also...its the 'getting angry' when you try to talk about it, and telling you to leave if you dont like it. Its disrespectful and unequal. And probably not worth the effort. It shouldnt be that hard to communicate/work together should it?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 25/01/2012 13:33

Sorry lovemygirls but I can't help laughing at the lengths your DH goes to to get you up in the morning. I disagree that the OP should offer to take him a cup of tea in bed, he is a grown adult and needs to take responsibility for himself, and in addition pull his weight in the morning with his child.

Pozzled · 25/01/2012 13:35

The more I think about it, the more bothered I am by your OP. You're thinking about him all the time, not yourself, and you've only posted now because it's affecting your work.

Why should you do all the cooking, cleaning etc? Yes, he's been doing the childcare, but only while you've been at work. Equal division of labour in the daytime (assuming he's not on the computer and sticking your DS in front of cbeebies) . So the work should also be shared in the evening and morning. If he needs a break from childcare, then he should do the cooking. Then you both sit down and relax, either separately or together.

breatheslowly · 25/01/2012 13:39

How old is your son? I would just dump him on the bed with your husband.

I would be very worried though - this kind of situation doesn't tend to end nicely.

Lovemygirls · 25/01/2012 13:50

Hex- I know, it is funny! We've been together 10yrs and I have no idea when he started doing it, I don't get tea or the helping me up everyday just when he feels like it/ has time and fwiw I get up about 6.45 ish.

olgaga · 25/01/2012 13:53

Does he mean you can move out, leaving your son behind? His attitude is dismal, and I doubt there is any scope for improvement in his sense of responsibility if that's how he has responded. He seems not to value you at all!

If I were you I'd be looking around for somewhere to rent with your son. You'll get help with the rent, childcare and tax credits - work it out - you'll probably be better off than with this loser.

This is a great benefits calculator tool:
www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/benefits-check

Original poster
SisterAnne · 25/01/2012 13:57

Our son is one. And the thing is, it isn't a particularly brilliant job so I think he figures it doesn't matter if I'm ten or 15 minutes late every day, but I feel so embarassed to walk in late after everyone else has started work. Plus, I can hardly tell them the reason is that I can't get my partner out of bed so I have to make up a different excuse each morning about traffic or whatever. I must look so lame.

OP posts:
Nagoo · 25/01/2012 14:03

Do you trust that your son is being looked after properly?

cut the plug off his computer before you go to work.

ifeelloved · 25/01/2012 14:08

Just get up in the morning, have a nice cuddle with your son then go to work.

When you get home, the cooking should be shared, he should be cleaning the house during the day - thats his job. At the weekends it should be shared.

When I was a SAHM I wold never have expected DH to do half the stuff you;re doing during the week.

He will not change whilst you're doing everything so stop doing it.

It might be 'his' house, but I'd be interested to know how he'd pay for the bills if not for your income.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/01/2012 14:12

"the home we live in was handed down to us from his family so he sees it very much as ?his? house"

SisterAnne, is he a slacker? Did he grow up knowing he wouldn't have to really do anything because he would inherit the house?

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