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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to complain about being late for work?

39 replies

SisterAnne · 25/01/2012 13:10

In our I house I go out to work and my husband stays home to look after our son, which is fine. Or at least it would be if I could get him out of bed in the morning. Every day I get up with our boy and give him breakfast and when I get home I cook dinner for everyone, wash up, tidy the house and do bath and bed while my husband plays computer games. This doesn?t bother me because he?s had to look after our boy all day. But what does bother me is that I?m persistently late for work because he stays up into the night playing on the computer so he?s very rarely out of bed by 8.30, which is when I need to leave for work. I?ve tried talking to him about this but he just gets angry and says that if I have a problem I should move out (the home we live in was handed down to us from his family so he sees it very much as ?his? house). Is there anything I can do? I would drop our boy off in daycare but really can?t afford it.

OP posts:

DoesNotGiveAFig · 25/01/2012 14:15

Pick up the device he uses for gaming, and throw it out of an open window, preferably from the second floor of "his" house. What a loser.

RitaMorgan · 25/01/2012 14:19

Is your son safe in the day?

I wouldn't be getting your ds ready and breakfasted either - when the baby wakes dump him in bed with his dad while you shower and get ready. Your DH's day should start when yours does!

HipHopOpotomus · 25/01/2012 14:32

I?ve tried talking to him about this but he just gets angry and says that if I have a problem I should move out

what an arsehole - why not move out??? Was he a total tosser BEFORE he inherited a house - or did he become obnoxious with an inflated sense of himself upon his inheritance?

breatheslowly · 25/01/2012 15:42

Could he be depressed? Has he ever worked or shown an interest in working? While I know many men and women successfully stay at home and care for small children I think it can be isolating, particularly for men. It can also impact on personal identity if someone previously identified with their job. He may also feel embarrassed by being seen to be supported by you (and this may be why he mentions the house to make it clear that he is contributing). I am not excusing his behaviour, but I think that there may be more going on than just him being a tosser.

Ephiny · 25/01/2012 15:57

Sounds like he should be doing a lot more - most women who stay home to look after a child would also be getting them up in the morning, making breakfast, cooking the dinner, doing most of the housework, plus interacting with the children, taking them out to activities etc. I can see it's nice for you to do bath and bedtime if you've been out all day, but he should be pulling his weight with the rest.

Sorry but I've got no time for adults sitting playing computer games while their partner runs around doing everything in the house.

Was it his choice to be a SAHP - is it what he wants to be doing? Would he rather be working/earning? Or does he just want to do as little as possible other than computer games and sleeping?

OlympicEater · 25/01/2012 16:03

Excatly what RitaMorgan and others have said.

olgaga · 25/01/2012 18:54

Plus the point is, if you are married, it isn't his house any more. It's the family home, a joint asset. So whether you leave or not, it isn't his alone.

hatesponge · 25/01/2012 19:07

I cannt believe you are late for work most days for no better reason than that your lazy arsed deadbeat H cannot get his backside out of bed. You should be leaving your DS in his care awake or asleep. Or better still leave your H who frankly doesnt seem to add much to your life and use paid childcare instead

At the company I work for, being late 3 times in a month is a disciplinary offence, you're very lucky to get away with it however crap your job may be.

HazleNutt · 25/01/2012 20:59

what Ephiny said. If he was the one working and you the SAHP, would he be the one getting your son breakfast, then working and coming home to cook dinner and tidy up?

RainboweBrite · 25/01/2012 21:03

It sounds to me as if you are doing everything and your DP does very, very little and does not respect you.
Is this how you want life to be for yourself and your DC? Surely you deserve better than this?

soandsosmummy · 25/01/2012 21:18

Tell him your job is at risk if you continue to be late and therefore he needs to be up by 8.15 so you can hand ds over to him. If necessary say you'll buy him an extra alarm clock all of his own set for 8am so he has 15 minutes to wake up before you go out. If he's not up put ds in bed with him - with or without nappy depending on how much you've got done that morning, tell him you are going and GO.

Does he actually know how to run the house? Maybe he actually needs some direction. Can you talk to him and say from now on you'll leave task lists that he can work through? Can you suggest a playgroup he can go to on a regular basis so he can get out the house? Can you leave shopping lists and instructions for dinner?

I only ask these questions because I once had a relationship with a man who just had no organisational skills, easily got depressed and proved to need direction and distraction more than anything else in his life. We didn't last but our relationship improved greatly after I introduced lists!!

Short of that chuck his gaming equipment on ebay

TartyMcFarty · 25/01/2012 21:31

Leave with your son. He probably won't notice for a while. What a loser.

carabos · 25/01/2012 21:33

Or leave without your son and see how he likes that.

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 25/01/2012 21:38

Tell him they've changed your hours and you start half an hour earlier

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