to not feel bad about this?

[drippyVaJjandVagBean]

Sil is pratically nomadic, she hasn't spent christmas in the same house for 6yrs she moves so often, its utterly ridiculous. And there's even more back story as to why she doesn't warrant help or support (after my miscariage she said "I won't feel bad for being pregnant" no hope your ok etc)

Me and dp moved twice and no one, I mean no one helped even when we begged as our car broke down.

Sil is moving again, dp --the family mug-- offered to lend a hand, I initially got rather angry and tried to put my foot down, but realised its his life if he wants to be a doormat.

Now me and dp have been invited out for a very good friends birthday, no plans set yet, it may be a night in at there's or ours (these friends are our dcs gaurdians so not just people we know) and the day after we won four tickets to a safari park and art gallery and I've been extremely excited about it.

Sil is moving that weekend. And its being laid on thick that she's pregnant with a toddler also and needs help. (She has a husband, and two other brothers as does her dh) dp can't really physically help anyway, and they live 110miles away so it would leave us seriously out of pocket.

So aibu to not give a shit were busy to not consider re-arranging, to not care that she 'needs' my dps help? To think they should stop guilt tripping him! And that if we can move single handedly with two dcs in tow so can anyone else physically able. Its not my dps responsibility is it?

No, I agree with you - you and your DP shouldn't have to help. If she needs it, she has other people to ask.

YANBU go enjoy your weekend with your friends

FWIW we managed to move house twice in 2 months with only 60 something year old FIL to help with a 4 year old and a young baby to deal with the whole time we were packing up and moving. Basically your SIL will manage.

And its being laid on thick that she's pregnant with a toddler

that must be one hell of a bump!

soz.... but YANBU either..

sounds like she has plenty of other help available. YANBU

Squeaky I thought that when I read it back :)

I was really starting to feel guilty but we do not go out often, me and dp haven't child free in over a year, and I was wondering if my judgement was being tainted by my annoyance that no one helped us and at how heartless sil was about my mc.

(She also was rather rude about our dcs 16mnth age gap, not so smug now though)

YANBU

Don't seethe, just calmly explain she is a selfish moo that you have plans that can't be rearranged.

Don't lose out on a great weekend for that bitch. Go have fun and drag your husband with you. Tell your husband he can be a doormat on his own time.

Who is saying yabu? SIL or your DH? if it's your sil, well, "fuck off bitch and take your sense of entitlement with you" is a complete sentence and if it's your DH, just gently remind him that he is "undermining her DH" when he does this, and how would he feel if you ran to another man your brother if you have one, or dad or cousin etc for help when he was there and perfectly able to help...

He's the driver so if he backed out he would be in so many kinds of trouble. He's really looking forward to it aswell so no chance of backing out.

Sil knows, I saw her update on bbm and quickly updated my facebook (I know I know) about how excited we were that we had our confirmation for woburn today. She then texts dp saying I know you can't help BUT were moving on x date but you can't help (layer on the guilt)

Glad inbu I was expecting a few treat as you wish to be treated etc.

--part of me is smug, smug as fuck it co incided with a set in stone plan and wants to stick my tongue out and blow rasberries at sil --

pom he wanted to help he's a blardy nightmare for being the go to guy, but its sil slapping on the guilt, pils will when they get chance. Dp is a doormat to his family so they are not used to getting a no, despite the 110miles between us --thank fuck--

That's a brilliant defence though, he'd be so put out/hurt/offended if I asked someone else for help, though my brothers 3yrs old and my dad absent so my best bet would be my 4yo lol!

He's adamant he's helping, there's clearly been some serious text guilt tripping. He recons he'll leave when the dcs get up and be home in time to go out, so considering that's 4hrs + travel time as its saturday so will be chaos what's the point I mean what's the actual POINT!!!! Of helping for 3-4hrs at OUR COST.

I'm stupidly upset. We can't afford to go see my mum who's been alone all week and she's 20miles away yet he's happy to chuck the best part of £40 on fuel to help his bitch sister, right now I'm resisting the urge to send a seriously angry text to her.

You are wasting your time texting her or getting angry at her. This isn't actually her fault - yes she is cheeky for guilt tripping etc but your DP is a big boy and perfectly capable of saying no!

You need to have stern words and explain that you are his family and he needs to put you first. It is DP's attitude that needs changing

everybody is right. There is not point getting shitty with her.

In fact, your purposes would be much better served by changing your attitude and presenting a sweeter face to your DP.

If you are more understanding to his position, then he'll be more open to your reasoning, as I don't think YABU at all. But you are coming across as needlessly bitchy about his sister.

Take the emotion out of it and look at the facts. Other people are in a much better position to help. Perhaps he could go down another day and help her unpack get settled etc.

YANBU. I would be so angry.

My DP also has form for offering to help lay floors/paper walls/tile kitchens etc but will not do it without severe nagging on my part (he doesn't like me doing it for some reason, and all manner of shit seems to occur when I leave him in charge of the children so I can DIY. Not when I cook dinner I hasten to add!).

If it was me, I think I would possibly even stoop to telling the Sil myself that he won't be helping, the reasons why, and do it all in earshot of DP. If that doesn't work I would take the keys to the car.

I know this is not the right way to go about it but it is ludicrous for you to have to lose money because your Sil won't ask other family members to help.

Hide the car keys they can amazingly turn up oh at last thank Goodness sometime late the following day, in the bin or washing machine or down the back of the couch or somewhere...

YANBU, but your dp needs to be the one your anger is directed at. He needs to grow a spine and put his own family first.

I won't lower myself and text her, at the moment I've done nothing wrong.

I'm livid, he's turned a blind eye to so much shitty behaviour on her part and this for me is the final straw.

Examples, when I announced I was pregnant she freaked as she was about to and I ruined it, she was 4wks behind me anyway!! I waited to tell. She said we were stealing her limelight and wished awful things on me.
She laughs when her 1yo hurts my children, resulting in dd with a bloody nose
When we lost the baby at 13wks she said, oh well now the family can focus on mine. And the day I was in hospital having an erpc she texted me asking if she could have the outfit she knew I brought at 12wks
At christmas we sat and spoke about if we were buying for one anothers dcs she made a fuss and said can we please etc, said shed found something for dd, so we caved in and adjusted budgets, then christmas day a basket shows up with 3 home made biscuits 1 chocolate coin and 1 candy cane, for four to share...?
And now this.

Yes I do hate her, yes I'm overly bitchy about her.

But ultimately its dps fault its just easier to be cross with her.

If I hid the car keys he'd know it was me --because I did it before-- and we have 3 sets anyway, one of which i am clueless to whereabouts.

pom you could be a terrible influence on me --any one know how to temporarily stop a car working--

Stay out of it, why can't you? It's your DP's responsibility to answer for his own actions. If I were your DP I'd tell you to keep your cherry OUT...

What Lying said

And I'm loving the use of the word cherry there

Ok - well she is a bitch - no doubt! Can't believe your DP is so weak TBH given all she has done

You need to lay it on the line for your DP

is there a real risk you would miss the safari park? I assume you need the car to go? If so, tell him he needs to take the train up as you will not risk the kids missing out

My DH has a brother who gets his way no matter what. I never let it effect me because if I sense it will I shut it down. Once we had kids I made it very clear to DH that they were our priority. Luckily for me he agrees. Your DP should be too

Sorry but if this was my DH I would be going APESHIT right now. Ruining a planned family day out to go help someone who's been a bitch to his DW, when you can't afford it and she has adequate help already? No fucking way. Would NOT be happening. Obviously you can't physically stop him but I'd be making certain he knew he was several steps over the line and that I'd never forgive him. I have a SIL who would be likely to pull similar and have had to put my foot down on similar issues - his responsibility is to HIS immediate family, his wife and children.

take the ignition cable off the battery

OK well, maybe you are coming across as justifiably bitchy about his sister.

But I'd still try to paint the rational argument about why he needs to prioritise his DCs instead of having a fight about how awful she is.

DCs do NOT need to be prioritised on every occasion. Doing that is asking for the wider circle of family/friends to disregard them/you.

The EVENT should be prioritised, having regard to circumstances, urgency, need, etc.

Why isn't that obvious? No wonder families are becoming 'silo' resulting in disgruntled posters here saying how they don't get support from other people in the family...