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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off that everyone thinks maternity leave is a doss and I have all the time in the world?

44 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 24/01/2012 15:29

Sorry - bad day.

Just seem to think that people think maternity leave is a doss.

Ok, there are good days when I do watch a bit of TV, but then there are days when I have to entertain a screaming baby all day on my own.

And don't get me started on the time it takes to get out of the house after timing feeds, changing puked on clothes (me and baby!) and sorting out exploding nappies!

I have friends without kids who I'm sure think I sit on my arse all day as they tell me how busy at work/tired they are.

I also have friends with kids who probably think 'wait until you have two, or wait until you go back to work' - yes, I know it'll be tougher then, but I'm hardly living the life at the moment.

Sorry - sleep deprivation kicking in today :(

P.S I do adore my baby - just fancied a rant

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 24/01/2012 15:32

But it is a doss (most of the time)

Disclaimer: am on ML myself with a deranged toddler for company, and it's still easier than working although DH would disagree! I thought the same when DD was tiny and imagine it to be the same when DC2 arrives in April.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 24/01/2012 15:39

Sorry OP but agree with Flisspaps. Yes, there are times when you spend all day dealing with a screaming baby but for me, the fact you don't have to abide by anyone else's routine, don't have to get dressed if you don't want to etc is far easier than I had going back to work and having to get out the house on time, looking respectable, missing my DD desperately, having to put up with dreadful commuting, missing all the coffee/lunch with friends who don't work.

Thankgodforcaffeine · 24/01/2012 15:39

What? Do you mean to say you don't sit around all day reading magazines and painting your nails?

Because it's what I do all day on mat leave. Or rather it's what DH thinks. (the fact that there are no magazines in the house, and that my nails haven't seen varnish since 2010 doesn't seem to be relevant to him )

My tip to stay sane: find your local sure start or similar and hang out with other mums. They'll understand.

In the meantime, have a

unreasonableannie · 24/01/2012 15:41

well you are faffing around on the t'internet :)

and if you are sleep deprived, get off the said t'internet and have a nap :)

HTH

TimothyClaypoleLover · 24/01/2012 15:42

And if you are sleep deprived you can have a nap when baby naps whereas if I am sleep deprived at work its tough.

SpikeInTheBasement · 24/01/2012 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Newmummytobe79 · 24/01/2012 15:44

Oh my word! Where is all the camaraderie?

Ok I get it ... said I was having a bad day!

I'll go and finish painting my nails now

OP posts:

Ilovedaintynuts · 24/01/2012 15:45

It was a doss for me.

In fact probably the most relaxing time in my adult life. Everything went tits up when I went back to work. Find juggling work, motherhood and homelife really hard.

LadyWidmerpool · 24/01/2012 15:50

I don't think it's a doss newmummy. I'll miss it though!

SilentBoob · 24/01/2012 15:50

Thing is that it is a doss but if you'd tried telling me that when I was on ML with my first I would either have punched you or burst in to tears. I do understand OP, I honestly do. The enormity of just getting out of the house is overwhelming some days. But now I look back and wonder what the friff I actually did all day. I know I was knackered, and I know that dh used to make me a sandwich before leaving for work because otherwise I might not have time to eat... and then when #2 came along I didn't really break my stride - I was back at toddler group when he was 4 days old and throwing a huge family party 2 weeks after that. Now expecting #3 in the next few weeks and not only will dh not be making me emergency sandwiches, I will be up and making packed lunches for the older 2 before lugging the baby on the school run and getting on with my day. But nevertheless ML with my first baby was horribly stressful and Not Fun because it was so exhausting having one tiny baby to look after all by myself.

JoandMax · 24/01/2012 15:52

1st baby was a doss definitely. When the 2nd came along and had lots of health problems it become significantly less so!

But even now with a 3 and nearly 2 year old it's still way easier than going to work (sorry, but it's true)

MavisG · 24/01/2012 15:53

God what a harsh response. I found the first few months of ML isolating and very difficult. It got easier as I got used to not 'accomplishing' anything beyond keeping us both alive and easier and more enjoyable once I'd made friends who were also on ML/sahp-ing.
I think some previous posters here are forgetting to empathise, perhaps because it is hard once you're back at work. Doesn't make the op's feelings invalid though. Sheesh.

TadlowDogIncident · 24/01/2012 15:53

I hated it. Definitely not a doss: it's much easier working FT than looking after DS (and I've been back at work for a year now). That said, he was a rotten napper: I might have felt differently if I'd ever had a break from him in the daytime (or if I hadn't breastfed and consequently got stuck with all the night feeds).

You have all my sympathy.

IWantMyHatBack · 24/01/2012 15:55

It wasn't a doss for me! The first 6 months were absolute hell. DS screamed all night, and while he did sleep in the day it was only for half an hour at a time, so not long enough to nap to try and catch up on sleep. Going to work would definitely have been easier.

It did get better though, once he was crawling and babbling and napped more predictably it did get loads better. It was over the summer and I was able to get out most days for long walks.. definitely felt likemore of a doss

Those early months are killer though.

Itchywoolyjumper · 24/01/2012 15:56

Oh Newmummy, I found it really hard too. I kept hearing about all this lovely homebaking and house beautiful stuff I was supposed to be getting up to and looking about my house and wondering if I'd ever see the floor again or eat anything other than ready meals and pasta :)

Completely opposite to Daintynuts, I found it a lot easier when I went back to work. I don't know if it was having regular contact with the grown up world or having to work to a schedule but it did get better. Horses for courses I suppose.

lagrandissima · 24/01/2012 16:00

I didn't think it was a doss at all. (Although I naively thought it would be before I had DS1). I struggled in the first few months with adjusting to sleep deprivation, only leaving the house with a rucksack full of nappies etc., sore tits, sore private bits, crying babies, never being able to be spontaneous etc. When I went back to work (FT) at 6 months, it felt like a bit of a relief (to be honest). I went PT then got pregnant with DS2 and had 3 years at home, and enjoyed that far more. By then I was used to doing everything in s-l-o-w time, talking to myself and carting bags of shite nappies around.

Everyone's experience is different though. Some people work all round the clock before they have babies - so for them, it might be a bit of a break not to spend their lives commuting and stuck at work. Others have babies who sleep, feed, burp and sleep in a continuous cycle of angelic loveliness. Others are grieving for loved ones, coping with sick children, living on smaller/larger budgets, coping with multiple births, living the life of riley with a live-in nanny etc. It's a different experience for everyone.

Personally I know where you're coming from OP, but others won't. Hope tomorrow is better

GwendolineMaryLacey · 24/01/2012 16:01

I hate it, not a doss for me. I'm knackered, dd1 dictates that I can't sleep when dd2 sleeps. I feel isolated, bored, frustrated and don't even have the satisfaction of a sparkling house. If anyone tried to tell me it was a doss I'd punch their lights out. Being at work all day, that's a doss.

DilysPrice · 24/01/2012 16:01

It is a piece of piss, but unfortunately most women, including me, can't see it until they have their second one.
If your eldest spends a day a week at nursery then the sheer dossiness of spending a day looking after a single new born baby is incredible.

It's a mystery unsolved by science why we can't see it that way the first time around.

Sorry, and hope you have a better day tomorrow and a good night's sleep.

howlongwilltheynap · 24/01/2012 16:02

On ML with my 2nd, so have a 2yo too, and I find it difficult and stressful in a different way to work. You need to self motivate a lot more at home to get anything done, in particular when you are sooo tired with little baby (and early bird toddler in this case). It can be monotonous and relentless. However once you get into your stride OP it is great - how old is your LO? I found from 8m (until I went back to work at 12m) with my first was great (but it was summer which made a huge difference, plus that is when he started to sleep through).

A friend recently took redundancy having worked nearly full time and is now a SAHM with her 2yo - she said 'not working is exhausting' - and I know what she means.

glamourmama · 24/01/2012 16:03

Hi how old is your dc? My ds is 4 weeks today and I am asking why oh why did I not hibernate whilst on mat leave before ds was born and bank all the sleep I am now losing(and being a very sore loser about!) I agree about taking AGES to do anything and get out the house and now dp has gone bk to work think he expects domestic goddess (desperate housewife is more like it) just out of interest do u sleep when your baby does? Was dreading doing the school run with older dd but I actually think its good cos it means I'm up and out the house. And I actually enjoy just the two of us for some cuddles\talking to him in silly voice\smothering in kisses without someone muscling in to try hog him! Think its hard adjusting to the fact you can't just get up and go! I'd defo rather do this than go work tho!

howlongwilltheynap · 24/01/2012 16:04

I do agree with Dilys though!

mamalovesmojitos · 24/01/2012 16:06

YANBU for me the first couple of months were grey with baby blues, dd never slept, I was sore, we couldn't get the hang of breastfeeding, bleeding nipples, mastitis. I felt isolated too and very tired. I understand where you're coming from .

ivorycoast · 24/01/2012 16:07

YANBU. I've done both - worked fulltime with dc and now at home fulltime with dc. Working fulltime was a doss compared to being at home. I didn't spend my day changing nappies, dealing with hysterical toddlers, cooking endless meals which didn't get eaten, constant cleaning and tidying up, being 'on call' 24 hours a day to entertain bored 5 year old and whiny toddler.

I did get to have adult conversations, go to the toilet in peace, eat my lunch in peace, not go out of my mind with boredom, not have to deal with tantrums every few minutes...

I don't understand how so many people think being at home with a baby is easy.

kickingking · 24/01/2012 16:11

Well everyone's experience is different but I felt like I was on holiday when on ML. I always said anyone who thinks being at home with a baby is hard has obviously never taught Year 6

Seriously though, I'm sorry you're having a bad day.

Sariska · 24/01/2012 16:12

Well, I don't think YABU. It depends on the baby surely and perhaps also on whether it's your first.

My first was an unholy nightmare for months. Severe silent reflex meant he would only sleep being held. Day or night. I was so tired and zombified I didn't know which way was up. Resented it hugely when people withered on about sleeping when the baby did.

Second time round was lovely much of the time and, when it was just me and DD, could have been described as a doss. But I still never forgot that first bewildering experience.

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