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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to invite this guy to my house until I REALLY know him?

50 replies

TylerLips · 24/01/2012 08:49

I got talking to a man on a dating site about a month ago (rough estimate as I was talking to a few guys around the same time) and got to quite like this one. We swapped numbers and text each other for about two weeks after that. He kept saying he wanted me to cook him something (in response to me saying I made a great curry) and I assumed he meant way down the line. So anyway he initiated a meet and wanted to buy wine and come to my house. I said no, we'd need to meet in public place first. He agreed and we met for a drink. We did get on really well and had a laugh and both wanted to see each other again but he's going on about coming to my house with wine again and me cooking.
AIBU to say I'm just not ready to give my address out yet? I don't know his address.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 24/01/2012 08:50

Not at all U. Don't do anything that you aren't comfortable with. Tell him that.

RuleBritannia · 24/01/2012 08:51

YANBU. If he's persisting in wanting to come to your house, it makes me think that he's expecting there to be more in it than a meal and drink of wine!

poppycat04 · 24/01/2012 08:51

Yadnbu at all. You don't really know this guy at all. Look after yourself.

Original poster
TylerLips · 24/01/2012 08:52

That's another thing I'm worried about Britannia, I don't just want to be a quick shag and never hear from him again.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 24/01/2012 08:53

So anyway he initiated a meet and wanted to buy wine and come to my house. I said no, we'd need to meet in public place first. He agreed and we met for a drink. We did get on really well and had a laugh and both wanted to see each other again but he's going on about coming to my house with wine again and me cooking.

Oddball alert.....

SmellyMouthedPrickfairy · 24/01/2012 08:57

Please be careful, I have met some right nutters from online dating sites.

-a jehovahs witness who gave me a time limit to sleep with him
-an arrogant pig who was rude to my family and friends when he happened to meet them
-a man who kept trying to make me lie down under a tree with him on a first date
-a man who, when he finally met DS, he undermined me so much and bought him so many toys that DS (3) decided he didn't like me any more
-nutcase who started turning up at my house in the small hours, and pretty much, well.. stalking me.

I don't do the online dating thing now, I'd rather meet people through friends or work and have at least some idea of their background.

squeakytoy · 24/01/2012 08:58

He could be after a quick shag, or he could be skint and looking for the cheap option and a free meal.. or he could be someone who doesnt feel comfortable going out...

I would be inclined to avoid him, or at least spend much longer getting to know him, including meeting his friends before taking it further.

A person's real life mates are usually a reasonable indication of the type of person that they are.

MistressFrankly · 24/01/2012 08:59

Keep meetings public until you feel comfortable and know him better. If he is a good egg he wont mind.

SmellyMouthedPrickfairy · 24/01/2012 09:00

Oh, and I've seen my violent XP on dating sites. I actually reported his violent history to the site, but they didn't care.

thisisyesterday · 24/01/2012 09:00

the fact that he wants to come over so that YOU can cook would be enough to put me off Hmm

why don't you suggest that you take the wine to his place and HE bloody cooks.
gah.

Pagwatch · 24/01/2012 09:06

no. It doesn't matter why you feel uncomfortable -you do.

Say to him ' I am sure you will understand that, however nice you are, I am not going to invite anyone to my home without having met them first. It would be unreasonable of anyone to think I would. So let's meet at xxx place and talk about it after that. It is nice that I can say that openly knowing tat you will respect that and would not wish me to feel awkward'

aviatrix · 24/01/2012 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iscream · 24/01/2012 09:43

I agree with the collective. Tell him you don't bring anyone to your home, it is your sanctuary/haven. If he wants a curry so much, he can buy one.

Cherriesarelovely · 24/01/2012 09:50

YANBU really don't feel pressured at all. Hassling you is not on at all.

janelikesjam · 24/01/2012 09:55

IMO the fact that you are even posting this means you have some real doubts, and if I were you I would listen to them.

Dating sites IME does attract some strange men - some are harmless, but some are not. Even the slightest doubt do not invite back for any reason. If you must have sex and cannot wait (!) better to go to their place.

janelikesjam · 24/01/2012 09:59

And I agree with others, my home is also sacred place to me, I am not going to invite some guy i barely know from a dating site. I think he has got a bit of a cheek to be honest, he's bought you a couple of drinks (maybe you even went Dutch!) and now he expects you to cook a meal and hopefully throw in some sex. I'd laugh if it was funny, grrr....!

marshmallowpies · 24/01/2012 10:05

No, if you've only met him once I wouldn't invite him to the house. I had been on about 6 dates with DP before he got to see the inside of my house, and we had mostly met in central places that were not that near where either of us lived.

I had one date who was really pushy about wanting to cook for me - we'd been on one date and I'd been fairly cool about meeting him again, then got a really smarmy message saying he knew it was a bit forward but he'd really like to cook me dinner and could he come round to my house that Sunday? NB the Sunday in question was Valentine's Day and I had made sure not to be available for any dates that day to avoid any Valentines awkwardness.

I just ignored the message I'm afraid and hoped he'd get the message - he did randomly text me months later to ask if I was still single but I ignored that too!

VikingLady · 24/01/2012 10:07

He does not sound normal. Worrying.

Whatmeworry · 24/01/2012 10:08

He wants to look over the new lodgings and check if the cuisine is OK asap

FredFredGeorge · 24/01/2012 10:25

There's not really enough information to say if he's an oddball - it could simply be that he thought the chat about cooking made for a good choice of date and would be something he'd be very comfortable with compared to being out. Or it could be he's a git and believes it's a quicker route to a shag, or he wants to case the joint to see if there's anything worth stealing, to see if you have any center parcs brochures, to see if your house cleaniness is up to his standards in a maid, some nefarious reason.

regardless YANBU to tell him NO, and you can find out what sort he is on more regular dates.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 24/01/2012 10:29

Creepy. If you like him, just laugh it off and suggest a place to meet e.g. a restaurant (not indian!). If he gives you the shuddders, just say no thanks.

I dated a guy recently who kept trying to INSIST I went to his house and he cooked for me. Usually that would be a nice offer, but I was genuinely wondering if I would end the evening chopped into little pieces so I found an excuse. Instincts are good.

SarahStratton · 24/01/2012 10:36

I'd have dumped for that. I'm getting very harsh and intolerant.

ChaoticAngel · 24/01/2012 10:49

YANBU If you like him and want to give him a chance tell him you're not ready to invite him to your home yet. If he's a nice man then he'll understand, if he keeps banging on then he has no respect for you so dump him.

coffeespoons · 24/01/2012 11:13

No way, he might turn into a stalker and then he will know where you live! He sounds very odd and creepy.

aviatrix · 24/01/2012 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.