to not know how to deal with my firstborn acquiring his first serious girlfriend

[longingforsomesleep]

I know I'm being totally unreasonable so I don't know why I'm asking really or whether this is the best place to post. My eldest son, 17, went into the sixth form in September. Having been to an all boys school he has had little to do with girls. But his school admits girls in the sixth form. He's gone from being a fairly immature, lazy, x-box fixated, rather slobby boy to a well-groomed, motivated, young man with a girlfriend - seemingly overnight. And I'm still reeling.

He's only been going out with her for a week or two but it's really full on and he spends as much time as he can at her house. I haven't met her yet. A couple of weeks ago if he was going out somewhere he would have asked me if it was OK. Now, he tells me. On Saturday he announced that he was sleeping at her house .... in her bed. Much as I wanted to I didn't feel I could stop him. She sounds nice. She seems like a good influence (got him revising for his AS exams). He's happy. I want him to live a happy and fulfilled life. So why do I feel so absolutely awful. I want to cry every time I think about it. I just don't feel ready for this - I want my son back for a bit longer and I feel like I've lost him. I'm being melodramatic I know.

I also feel hurt that he's happy to keep going round to her house but doesn't seem to want to bring her back to ours.

Somebody tell me I'm being ridiculous and need to get a grip.

Oh you poor thing and I'm so sorry about your mother - no wonder your sense of loss/fear of loss is heightened. You've had one hideous loss and the thought of another must be overwhelming. But please trust me when I say you won't lose him - it will change, but he'll always be your boy.

Don't worry about the tears - go up in a bit and talk to him. Explain you're missing your mum and finding things hard to deal with. That's what's so great about having adult/nearly adult kids - you can tell them this sort of stuff, and they do understand.

Re the sleeping together thing - I know from various threads on MN that I am on the laid back side of things here, but from the age of 16 both DS1 and DD had their respective partners staying over, once I'd met them and got to know them and once I felt it was a serious thing. I would rather they were doing it somewhere safe than somewhere dodgy, and they will be doing it regardless of what you say.

Oh OP I'm sorry about your mum.

I agree, maybe have another chat when you've calmed down a bit, but I'm not sure a teenage boy would hug their crying mum unless they wanted to - I bet he gave you a hug then felt a bit useless so thought he would leave you to it rather than say the wrong thing, so don't beat yourself up about him finding you clingy.

I'm sure your DS understands. You both sound super

I'm sorry about your mum. It does probably contribute to how you're feeling about it all and I'm sure he understands where you are coming from, he sounds switched on. He gave you a hug before buggering off? - he's DEFINITELY a bless poppet then. Let it go for the night, he's a good 'un I'm sure. It's OK to be a bit weepy and clingy after losing your ma, he's very nearly a grown up and it sounds like his shoulders are broad enough for it all x