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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect nursery to adhere to my 9 month old's routine

49 replies

JoEW · 23/01/2012 19:24

my son has been at nursery for 2 months, he's actually 11 months old but was a couple of months premature. He was going for a few days a week so I wasn't too worried about his routine but now he is four days a week so it's really important that he gets enough sleep.

When I looked around the nursery they made a big deal about the separate room for the babies to sleep and how they were able to stick to individual routines. Now, two months later, I discover that the reason he's not sleeping well is that they only put the younger babies down to sleep on cushions in the main play room for their morning nap. They can't actually put them to bed in the dark, cot filled, room because they don't have enough staff.

We pay a fortune for this place, plus £60 a day, and I feel awful leaving DS there now I know that he simply won't sleep in the morning. I want to take him out immediately and find an alternative but we're moving house in 6 weeks and I don't want to completely disrupt him.

Argh. Am I worrying too much?

OP posts:

fishyonadishy · 23/01/2012 19:26

I wouldn't be happy with that.

They aren't offering what they said they would.

lisad123 · 23/01/2012 19:27

Childminder all the way

AmberLeaf · 23/01/2012 19:27

So he is having a nap but just not in the room designed for that purpose?

MosEisley · 23/01/2012 19:28

My kids always slept better on the floor mats than in the cot room, so maybe you are worrying more than you need to.

BUT, at the end of the day, you know him best and if you think he would be cared for better elsewhere, it is probably worth moving him.

Can you go back to the nursery and talk to them. Ask how well he sleeps on the mats?

Does he seem tired when he comes home?

Flisspaps · 23/01/2012 19:28

I would find a childminder as they can adhere to routines more easily. Perhaps try and get the change to happen when you move, then he can deal with one big upheaval rather than changing carer and then changing house?

valkilly · 23/01/2012 19:29

I would be annoyed at the sleeping on cushions thing - if it's nap tune it needs to be proper lie down otherwise what's the point? YANBU about that if they specifically told you that naps are always in cots.

But I think that when you send a child to someone else to mind them, be it grandparents/childminder/crèche you have to let them find their own routine as its not the same as when you were home alone.

PeanutButterCupCake · 23/01/2012 19:29

I would speak to them as they are not doing what they told you they would, which attracted you to the nursery.
Are the babies in with another age group for naps?

MosEisley · 23/01/2012 19:32

11 mo seems very young to be sleeping on the mats. Ours did that from age 2.

Original poster

JoEW · 23/01/2012 19:32

He's having a nap in the afternoon when they put all the children in the sleep room, but not in the morning when they don't put them all down to sleep. He's always been the sort of baby that will only sleep in his cot. I've talked to them about it but I get different answers and they have told me that they do put him down in the cot, though I think they might not be telling me the truth.

If he's at home he has two naps, one in the morning and one in the afternoon.

When I pick him up from nursery he's like a bag of sand. He's SO tired.

I think a childminder when we move might be best. But is this normal for a nursery?

OP posts:

MosEisley · 23/01/2012 19:35

It is normal for nurseries to put children to sleep on mats.

It is not normal to mislead you initially and then subsequently lie to you.

The different answers and lack of accountability would have my alarm bells ringing.

That said, I think it is normal for babies to come home more tired than usual after a very stimulating day with lots happening.

Finallygotaroundtoit · 23/01/2012 19:36

The lack of staff is a concern.

So the babies have to sleep where staff can watch other kids as well? I'd be worried what else is being compromised.

Original poster

JoEW · 23/01/2012 19:37

valkily, I don't think he's finding his routine. I think he's awake because he's not in an environment that's geared towards sleep. I get that it's different to home but I can't keep him awake at home in the morning and he's dog tired when I pick him up from nursery.

Peanut I was attracted by the happy babies and seemingly professional and pro children environment. Most of the babies are slightly older but not much. There are two others that apparently sleep fine in the main room. But I think they look knackered at the end of the day too!

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 23/01/2012 19:38

Surely if he is 11 months he will stop having 2 naps a day soon anyway?

That said if you're not happy then move him, but you probably wont find any type of childcare that replicates exactly what you would do unless you get a nanny.

AmberLeaf · 23/01/2012 19:39

Also him being tired after a day at nursery is quite normal as it is a busier environment.

LauraM20 · 23/01/2012 19:39

As a nursery manager this is not good practice. Firstly 11 months old is very young for a child to be expected to sleep on a mat, secondly as his mum the nursery should be listening to you and ensuring that they are doing what you feel is best for your little man. If you have identified a problem (ie he is struggling when he gets home due to lack of sleep) then they should be working with you to find a solution.I I would talk to the manager and explain the problem. Don't be put of by nurseries they can be amazing places for children to learn and grow :)

BandOMothers · 23/01/2012 19:43

YANBU he's so young he will adjust quickly...far better to move than allow this place to take the mickey. He needs a cot not a pillow! Poor thing and poor you!

YankNCock · 23/01/2012 19:44

DS went to nursery full time when he was 8 months. When he was still having a morning nap, it was on the beanbag cushions out in the room with the other babies. They all seemed to nod off at different times so I think this was why they did it, a 'set' morning nap time wouldn't have worked. I think DS did ok, they always sat with him and rocked/patted him until he went to sleep.

I would say he was a lot more tired after being at nursery, but I don't think it was due to lack of sleep. More like MoEisley said, it's just a much more stimulating environment than being at home with only me.

It's not normal for them to ignore your wishes like that though. If they've promised you he's going to be sleeping in a cot in a darkened room and you made your decision to put him there on that basis, they are in the wrong.

BandOMothers · 23/01/2012 19:44

Amber the OP says he was premature...therefore he's not "really" 11 months. He's more like 9 developmentally.

BlueyDragon · 23/01/2012 19:44

At my DCs old nursery they slept on mats once they were out of the baby room (year old at least, down to one sleep and walking). Before that it was in the child's routine and in the dark cot room. The philosophy in the baby room was all about the child and not the nursery.

The explanation given about staffing levels is not good, IMO. Have you spoken to the nursery manager (or higher, if it's part of a chain)?

BandOMothers · 23/01/2012 19:45

And as someone else said...11 months is very young too....I wouldn''t put MY 11 month old down on a cushion on the floor! They're not bloody dogs! Might be ok for a tougher toddler....not a baby.

Original poster

JoEW · 23/01/2012 19:45

Amber developmentally he's only 9 months. Everything I read suggests that a child that age should sleep for around two and a half hours a day and that's what he does over the morning and afternoon nap.

Laura thank you. The carers in the baby room are very helpful and do try but I think the issue is that they can't leave the other babies and can't leave my DS on his own in a cot. What I am surprised about is that they presented the place as though that was a perfectly reasonable expectation and I thought that it was important for children that age to get enough sleep.

OP posts:

Original poster

JoEW · 23/01/2012 19:48

Amber to clarify, when he's at home that is.

I haven't spoken to the manager yet. Didn't want to be horrid pushy parent. But I should talk to her.

OP posts:

PeanutButterCupCake · 23/01/2012 19:54

IIRC don't they have a safe ratio for number of babies per staff member? Surely if numbers are correct they should have the staff for children to sleep in cots?

YankNCock · 23/01/2012 19:58

That's where a childminder might work a bit better. If they are in a different room sleeping at a nursery, they have to physically walk in and check them, usually at very short intervals (I think our nursery was something like every 5 minutes?). Whereas a childminder could put them in a quiet room and have a monitor on like you might do at home. And when the childminder opens the door to check on a child, you'd not have the bustle of the nursery in the background to disturb them.

Original poster

JoEW · 23/01/2012 19:59

They have the standard one person to three babies. What I have just learnt is that one of those babies can't be in the sleep room if the others are not. So if DS is having a sleep in the cot then someone has to be with him. What's really odd is that they have never said this before and they were very clear: "We have a sleep room so babies can stick to their own routine". Clearly this is nonsense. But is that true of all/most nurseries?

OP posts:

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