Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to wonder why my exH's new dp absolutely HAS to come in when he picks DC up

53 replies

MistyMountainHop · 22/01/2012 15:20

me and exH are mostly pretty friendly now, we have been split over 5 years and i am remarried with another DC

he has been going out with his girlfriend for about 6 months now, and every time he picks up his DC (aged 5)
DC likes her and she seems ok, other than, she HAS to come in with exH when he collects DC, and they both just kind of stand there while i am getting dc ready and its all awkward, she doesn't speak really other than to say hello. and she stares at me, even my DH has noticed. i just pick up this uncomfortable vibe from her as if she doesn't like me. (i might be being paranoid here but its the impression i get)

she is by no means his first GF since we split, he has had quite a few and most i have met and got on with fine.

also a couple of months ago i friend requested her on facebook and she rejected it. which i found quite strange as she comes in my house every weekend and also has my son every weekend with my ex. obviously its entirely up to her who she is friends with on facebook but i just found it a bit odd.

its just weird, if she doesn't like me for any reason then why not just sit in the car, exH only comes in for a few minutes.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2012 15:23

Have the DC ready so there is no need for them to come in?
Have a quiet word with your ex and ask him to ask her to stay in the car?

KWL51 · 22/01/2012 15:23

She doesn't trust him and thinks you might be tryin to win him back or he might still be lusting after you.
The facebook thing is weird I wouldn't invite any of my xh's gf to my fb not even the one he almost married.

JustHecate · 22/01/2012 15:24

Jealous and insecure?

Some people can't cope with the fact that their partner loved someone before them.

Maybe make sure your child is ready and waiting so that you can open the door with a cheery hello and hand them over and close the door again?

And just hope that in time she gets over whatever her insecurity is.

Catsmamma · 22/01/2012 15:25

it's weird if she is going to glare at you.

I'd probably have to say something in a very PA way "oooh look let's be quick before we get the look" :o

DoMeDon · 22/01/2012 15:26

I was with you until the FB thing. Why would you friend request her? She clearly isn't your freind in any way, just seems odd to me. As for 'have' to come in - no she doesn't. You can either endure the awkwardness or ask her not to come in. I would choose the path of least confrontation as it's not worth the hassle. She's in your DS life so may as well keep it as civil as possible.

pigletmania · 22/01/2012 15:29

YANBU just tell your ex you would rather he just come to pick up dc or she waits in the car, there is no need for her to come in at all.

Dee03 · 22/01/2012 15:30

Very odd...y does she even get out of the car!!
I would have to say something to xp...

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2012 15:33

She's probably shy and awkward at the moment.

And if they've only been together for 6 months and you FR'd her on Facebook a couple of months ago...well that could have made her feel awkward too or perhaps your ex didn't want her to accept?

If you'd requested me that early, I'd be inclined to think you're just checking me out and nosing through my albums etc

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 22/01/2012 15:49

She has probably insisted that's he comes in because she is an insecure control freak and can't cope with the thought of her boyfriend being in his child's home without her.

Shodan · 22/01/2012 15:51

V odd.

Pin a note on your back: 'Stop staring. It's weird and freaky'. Make sure you turn your back on her though.

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2012 15:51

Or perhaps the OP's ex simply says, "Why not come with me"....

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 22/01/2012 15:51

I don't see the problem with the fb thing. My ex's girlfriend is one of my fb friends, and I have liked being able to read her statuses when she has been away with my dc on camping trips.

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2012 15:55

Yeah but if you're only on 'hello' terms with someone and they've only been with your ex for a couple of months, surely wanting to be their Facebook friend is a bit odd KitchenRoll?

Personally, I only have actual friends and family on mine so I would have refused the OP's request too until I'd got to know her properly.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 22/01/2012 16:02

YANBU I would feel uncomfortable too which isn't on in your own home. Would it rock the boat to suggest to your ex he leaves his GF in the car or at home when he picks up DS?

If it would cause too much upset to ask she stays away could you not play the GF at her own game? Stare back? Cross your eyes, stick out your tongue? I'm not immature, no siree! Ask her (politely) why she is staring at you? It is very rude to stare after all. Maybe she is trying to intimdate you in a "stay away from my man, bitch!" way?

Kayano · 22/01/2012 16:04

I don't think she has done anything wrong...

Why not?
Exp might have asked her
Or if the kids are never ready she might think 'well I don't know how long they will be so I'll go too, might speed op up a bit'

givemeashake · 22/01/2012 16:11

I would have kids ready and on the door step as the car pulled up. Sends a pretty clear message I think.

She sounds a bit silly actually.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 22/01/2012 16:13

Maybe she just thinks it would be rude to stay in the car but is just very uncomfortable coming in so goes a bit 'deer in the headlights' on you... I really wouldn't let it bother you. Just think 'mad poppet' and shut the door.

Mishy1234 · 22/01/2012 16:16

She's stamping her ownership on him. The equivalent of a dog pissing on a tree. The relationship is in the early days and it's her way of letting you know that he is 'hers' now.

Obviously you couldn't give a toss, but I think that's what it is. That and a natural curiosity as to what you are like and to have a nosy at the inside of your house.

Mishy1234 · 22/01/2012 16:17

Oh and I second having the kids ready to go when he arrives. Then there's no need for her to come in at all.

SolpadeineMaxed · 22/01/2012 16:32

She's probably insecure. Take it as a compliment.

cottonmouth · 22/01/2012 16:33

They like doing things together?

RuleBritannia · 22/01/2012 16:35

Next time you notice her staring at you, why not say, "Oh, you are looking at me quizzically. Have I a dirty mark on my face?" Say it, perhaps with variations, every time she stares.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/01/2012 16:39

I'm in the "have them ready so that you can hand them over at the door" camp, that way she can't come in.

Takeresponsibility · 22/01/2012 16:58

Why aren't they ready? - maybe she comes in to freak you out because they should be ready and this is eating into Dad's time with them.

If they are not ready because Dad is erratic with his pick up times then I would say to her "If you are going to stare at me in that gormless/freaky/moronic (delete as appropriate) then please wait in the car. Tell ex to get a grip and not bring her again, oh and to get a watch while he at it.

I think letting ex in house is weird - but then so is asking to be her friend on fb.

GrahamTribe · 22/01/2012 17:10

Beautifully put, Mishy and very accurate too, I suspect.

Flip

1 2 3