Extra curricular activities,am I right to restrict or are my kids missing out and will they resent it in the future?

[MrsHeffley]

Firstly I should say we can't afford them anyway atm so it's bit of a no brainer anyway however this is the thing.

They do swimming once a week payed for by grandparents as we live near water and they have to swim. When they're safe it will end.

2 dc do the piano and 1 does the guitar once a week each but practise 10 mins a day.Again we have help.

They do Rainbows(although dd hates it) and Cubs.

Now all dd's friends do ballet and all manner of dancey stuff,the ds's friends do football,judo etc too.DD would kill to do riding.2 are nagging.Dd isn't that good at PE quite bad actually,dance would help.One of my ds's would love football and judo would benefit him greatly as he's small(he gets tired easily and concentration is an issue).I've said no on all counts as

a) we can't afford it
b)I feel they do too much as it is
c)I want their school work/homework to be the priority and they're exhausted as it is,it's only going to get worse as they're 7 and 8.

Basically taking money out of it I want a bit or reassurance my dc aren't missing out and I'll be regretting it one day.I'm not judging others as all kids differ eg some are talented or have incredible stamina etc.

It's an issue we're just dipping our toes into and money aside is restriction good for academic achievement/happiness/development or actually the reverse?

Don't want a bunfight just a bit of reassurance I guess and some advice on a long term policy from those who have older kids.

TIA

Should add I'm not sporty but slim(ish).We hike and bike ride but should my kids be doing more sport.So many other kids seem to do at least a sport out of school.I loathed PE/team games at school,am I dooming my 3 to PE failure too?

I did swimming on a Monday and Thursday.
Dancing on Tuesday
Live saving and guides/ brownies etc
On Friday
Ice skating on a Saturday

I only had a wed and Sunday off but then dad insisted we go on 8 mile bike rides every Sunday.

Good memories but as soon as I was able I stopped dance, it all got a bit much and I ended up dropping swimming to concentrate on school.

Then my dad bought a
Sweet shop and my new activity became eating and sitting around... Lol

Thanks, do you think it effected your school work?

If DD hates rainbows could you swap this for a sport?

Yes I just
Posted again but lost it.

I quit swimming and dance as had to concentrate on school. I also did music lessons on a Thursday after swimming but
Didn't like

Honestly I would say do LESS activities as it put pressure on me and I didn't even particularly enjoy some of them. As soon as I was old enough I quit a fair few

Then my dad bought a sweet shop and My new hobby became eating

I would say let them pick favourites and be done. Don't just do everything
For the sake
Of it.

I was more resentful feeling I had to do all these things

I don't think you should beat yourself up about something you can't afford. If you haven't got the money, that's just how it is.

I don't think your kids are missing out on that much either - they are involved in extra-curricular stuff and it isn't the end of the world if they don't go riding/do ballet etc. None of these activities are required to grow up into healthy, balanced adults. :)

That said, I think the appropriate amount of extra-curricular activity varies widely from one child to the next. My dd thrives on being busy and does quite a lot of activities - all through her own choice. I don't feel that this is detrimental to her school work, and I think she does benefit from these activities in many ways. But we are in the happy position of being able to afford stuff. If we couldn't, then I would take a different approach.

I also felt like I was a jack of all trades and master of none due to doing
Too much an not concentrating on what I loved (ice skating and swimming)

Swap rainbows for something else. my mum made me do an extra curricular that was expensive and i hated because she liked it. I used to beg to learn an instrument or basically anything else.

I resent all that money being spent making me do a sport i hated, sounds like your children are doing plenty though.

My parents weren't well off but they still managed to let me do piano, ballet, Brownies and horseriding. Dad offered for me to have singing lessons too but I foolishly turned him down :(. I didn't do swimming - parents didn't seem to think it was massively important (Mum couldn't even swim) but learnt at senior school (thank goodness! My sister still can't swim).

Didn't affect my schoolwork. Horseriding was only once a fortnight, because it was expensive - that didn't seem to matter.

The one thing I regret is that I wasn't allowed to take skating lessons, which I really wanted to - I would have happily swapped ballet for skating.

So - what do I think - if you can scrimp together and afford to let them do what they're interested in, it would be better. If your DD hates Rainbows, then maybe take her out of it and let her do dance instead.

I don't think your children do "too much" - unless they're already falling behind at school or failing to do their homework - and I think letting them do something more active outside the home is a very good idea, especially given the obesity trend! Encouraging outdoor exercise-type pursuits is an excellent plan, even if you hated it, you shouldn't project your feelings onto them.

Why does dd do rainbows if she hates it?

Absolutely agree that activities should be based on the child's interests and not the parent's! But as the mum of a child who does both ballet and rainbows, I would say that it wouldn't be a simple swap - rainbows is very affordable whereas ballet is becoming shockingly expensive!

DS1 (11) does
Monday - football training/match after school for school team
Thursday - dancing
Saturday morning - dancing
Sunday evening - dancing

DS2 (7) does
Monday - art club at school straight after school, karate (sometimes)
Tuesday - football club straight after school
Wednesday - violin at school straight after school, karate again
Saturday morning - dancing
Sunday morning - rugby evening - dancing

DS1 used to do guitar, rugby and cubs but stopped 18 months ago to concentrate on his dancing and with the move to secondary school and the increased amount of homework.

DS2 would like to do football but I've said no more unless he drops something else. I don't think it does them any harm to have a restriction on clubs but I do like the fact that they have both done a wide variety of activities including music and sport.

We lived in the arse end of nowhere whan I was a child so there were no after school activities available. Its mind-boggling to me how much is on offer for children now. I don't know how we are going to react when DD gets big enough to take an interest in it all

Ds does horse riding and golf and has just stopped rugby as he hates it. He also has singing lessons and sings in a choir. He does three after school activities at school during the week and has an instrument lesson at school. He doesn't do horse riding and golf every week as they are expensive. He started learning both when he was 4 and now at 7 is very proficient.

I learnt to ride as a child and always have had confidence when riding. I learnt to ski as an adult and never feel confident, hence I was keen for ds to learn those activities as a child when you don't have fear of falling off etc.

Lots of ds's friends do a lot more.

Surely the important thing is to strike a happy balance? Of course you want them to be able to concentrate on school work but I think extra currcular activites are important if its something the child enjoys, whether or not they are particularly talented at it.

Personally when mine are school age I will encourage them to take on activities that they might enjoy (finances permitting) My parents couldnt afford for us to do anything outside of school and I do sometime think I might have been more confident socially and developed a wider circle of friends if I'd had the opportunity to pursue interests and mix with kids other than my school friends

I think you can do the sporty stuff with then yourself- eg you said you do hike and bike which is great. If my dc express an interest in something we can often sort it ourselves cheaper than weekly activities-we go to the park in the summer and play cricket/tennis/badminton-courts are very cheap and you don't reallly need one anyway.
Riding is a massive commitment and that would be a flat no in this house financially.
I would swap an activity if she hates rainbows why is she going-send her to street dance or whatever instead if that is what she likes.
Football can be covered in school-those with talent will be put in school teams and if they're not talented they can get the exercise playingg it with you/friends.
Also some stuff might be cheaper than you think-ds goes to choir and it's £1 a week for a lovely social and musical activity.

I think it depends on your children really. I posted about extra curriculars a while ago as my DD4 was desperate to do Brownies, but I felt it would be too much.

Per week, DD1 and 2 have:
3 hours competitive cheerleading
5 hours ballet
3 hours gymnastics

And DD3 and 4 have:
3 hours competitive cheerleading
3.5 hours ballet
2 hours gymnastics (DD3 has 3 hours gym)

As you can see, we chose (with the agreement of the DDs) to specialise/focus on dance/gymnastics. They love it, and whilst we've had the odd interest in playing recorders, going to brownies etc, they aren't crazy about anything else. Sometimes I worry that they won't be well rounded enough, and have missed out on music, football, netball type things, but there isn't enough hours in the day to do everything.

My DDs are busy, but I make sure they have 1 full weekend day free and at least 1 after school night free. That works for us.

Taking cost out of the equation.

As a child I went swimming 3 nights a week, and on a sunday morning.

I went to brownies, then guides.

I had piano lessons once a week.

None of this had any negative impact on my school work. In fact if anything it probably helped. Music certainly helps with maths, and english to an extent.

I wasnt over tired, or over stimulated, and I still had plenty of time to play out with friends too.

If your children want to do these activities, and you can afford it, then I think it is wrong to stop them.

They do swimming once a week payed for by grandparents as we live near water and they have to swim. When they're safe it will end.

Why will it end? because the grandparents are no longer going to pay for it? Swimming is excellent exercise, and stopping them going once they can swim seems a daft thing to do.

She has to do Rainbows to get into Brownies here(huge waiting list)but to be frank I agree.However our Brownies are much better than Rainbows so I was hoping it would be worth it.Maybe not.

Our local stables do a holiday all day session(mucking out horses etc) we and she could perhaps save up for twice a year but she couldn't do ballet too.

Like me she hates PE.All the girls are doing this ballet school has pushed quite heavily and I think she feels a bit left out to be honest,has been drawn in by the literature but I wonder if it would do her good. Actually Rainbows isn't cheap if she dropped that we could perhaps manage ballet but would it be worth it?

She did ballet when 3 but didn't like it and just pulled her leotard up her bum as she skipped past all the(very keen)mums.I just wanted to die.I'm a bit scared from that past experience to be frank.

They're all doing well at school but as an ex teacher I worry as I know what's coming and to be frank I'm struggling with fitting in homework with all 3 already.Also 2 of mine can flag at school when tired.

School do free clubs and one does football at that in school time,no free dance though.

I just don't know,kids seem to do so much these days.I grew up in quite a rural area and none of us did anything bar Brownies.I just don't know if times are changing and kids miss out if they don't do stuff.Should say my 3 do love/need downtime eg reading,playing etc.Also 1 of mine is very driven and will work like stink even when tired the other 2 errr not so.

Also, we are quite honest with dc about cost of stuff-ds2 wanted to do trampolining and I said he could if he dropped the £10 a week school dinner for a far cheaper pack lunch- he was more than happy to do that.

Ds1 has asked for karate lessons for his birthday present from both grandparents-it's £4 a week so he'll get quite a few lessons.

Not being able to afford it is a big enough reason not to, but I would take issue that they are doing too much. When I was primary age I did ballet, tap and modern (changing to ballet and national when I changed dancing school); piano, brownies, plus we went to Saturday morning pictures and Sunday School.

My DH let DD1 leave ballet at 5. Once she was a teen she wanted to get back into it and really regretted giving up. It's something you can't really start late. That may not be important to you but sounds like it might be to your DD? OTOH a couple of mine would have loved to do horseriding but there was no way we could afford it. They took it up once they had their own money.

Would it cost that much for the boys to play football?

Yes there has to be a balance and schoolwork does comes first but it can be useful to do outside activities. As for long-term, I don't know whether it really makes much difference. I was always worried one of ours had a huge natural talent in something I wasn't interested in, so we wouldn't know and it would never come to light. Presumably that would come out at school?

Squeaky it'll end due to finances,I hate my parents paying for it,I really do.As soon as they can survive if pushed out of a boat I'll be happy.

The prob is I think all 3 will be fairly academic,they're quite bookish(like me)however I know how much homework you get in secondary and school now a days seem to expect far more of them.

Just got to feed the dc will read and be back later.

I remember wanting to do various clubs as a child and my parents refusing as they felt I should concentrate on school work. (I did swimming and brownies/guides which I enjoyed as my parents felt these were "beneficial").

My children are (nearly) 6 and 8 - my feeling at this age is that I like to give them the chance to try a variety of different things so they can find out what they like doing. This is as long as they are able to fit in homework, have some free time and are not too exhausted!! It's worked well - they've both had the chance to try a variety of things, some they've liked and some they've not. I think they are at the ideal age to try things really - as soon as they hit secondary age I can imagine that they won't have the time/inclination to do lots of things so then they can focus on the things they really want to do.

Thing is, mrsheffley, I think kids just learn to manage their time around the school work and the extra-curricular stuff. They may not get as much "down time" and that's a decision they have to weigh up carefully - not a bad lesson to learn.

The "taster" riding days sound like a good compromise. If you decide to go for ballet over rainbows, make sure you factor in the cost of shoes and clothes as well as exam fees, show costumes and tickets etc. It can turn into a small fortune!