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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I just leave things the way they are?

50 replies

Becka1408 · 21/01/2012 16:46

Hi Everyone

I'll give you a basic run down. My friends husband was trying it on with me, I had no idea what he was doing at first because it was just a lot of talking over facebook. He tried to kiss me whilst drunk and begged me not to tell. I did tell him to get lost several times. He manipulated me into believing I was guilty. I hadn't done anything wrong. He had told me he loved me and things. This man was my husbands best friend from primary school so talking to him over facebook wasn't a problem for our other halves because we where all friends. Or so it seemed.
Anyway I felt like I was living a lie not letting my husband know what his best friend was up to so one night (after a few drinks with friends) I told him everything. He was furious but simply warned his friend that if he ever tried to contact me again he would tell his wife. Obviously he started getting a guilty conscience and told his wife 3 days later. He admitted everything. And I admitted I was wrong for not saying anything sooner and apologised profusely.

The next day I get a email from my friends male cousin. Threatening me. Telling me he would come to my door and attack me. Saying my friend will attack me to. He said that I must of done something to make him do it. (I did not) I blocked and deleted him off facebook as I was scared. I also blocked everyone that had anything to do with my friend and her husband. I was scared for the safety of my children so I went to visit family the next day and my husband had organised a weekend away for us to let things settle down a bit. We got home on the Sunday night and not even 20 minutes later I get a phone call from my MIL letting me know she had seen a post on facebook that looked like it was targeted at me and it made no sense. It said some dirty little fanny has hacked my other facebook. She is a dirty little whore who is to blame for everything because she lead him on. (sorry for language) Well I was shocked and assumed that she had made up the hacking thing because she hadn't got a reaction from her threats, because when MIL looked at her other facebook nothing had been wrote on it.
Fast forward 2 days she knocks on my door with the sweetest voice ever and asks if we can have a wee chat and talk about things. I simply shook my head and closed the door. I now feel like maybe I should of let her in and explained why I am so upset with her, I understand that she was upset because I hadn't told her sooner. But to blame me for her husband's actions accuse me of something I didn't do and put my childrens safety at risk by getting her family to come to my door to attack me is worse. I think.
So what do I do now? Do I leave things the way they are or email her somehow and tell her why I am so angry or ask her to come to my house.

Please someone reply. Knowone ever does lol

OP posts:
Housewifefromheaven · 21/01/2012 16:52

Yanbu. Bunch of nutters.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2012 16:53

No I wouldn't have let her in either given the threats.

At what point did he tell you he loved you?

Sposh · 21/01/2012 16:54

You know who to call.

Seriously though, it's bloody awful that they're blaming you for his actions. Typically misogyny. I take it they're not all that bright?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/01/2012 16:55

What does your husband think?

Are you scared enough to tell your local police?

annalovesmrbates · 21/01/2012 16:57

If you really feel threatened, then contact the police and let them have copies of e-mails / facebook comments etc.

annalovesmrbates · 21/01/2012 16:57

If you really feel threatened, then contact the police and let them have copies of e-mails / facebook comments etc.

Sposh · 21/01/2012 16:58

Oh yes, malicious communications is against the law these days, I forgot about that!

MonkeyTastic · 21/01/2012 17:38

Becka it doesn't seem like the other posters here are taking you very seriously. Just ignore that dig about JK from Sposh Hmm

This sounds pretty scary to be honest, I wouldn't take any chances. Call the police. They've threatened to attack you and have since been to your house uninvited asking to come in. Do you think this woman might have had her friends round the corner waiting? She sounds the type.

Stay the hell away from them. Have nothing to do with them. And ask your family if they hear anything about you being discussed on FB between these people to keep it to themselves unless it's a threat to you and your family's safety. Hopeful they'll get bored and fuck off.

This behaviour is the thin end of the wedge unfortunately.

troisgarcons · 21/01/2012 17:41

The next day I get a email from my friends male cousin. Threatening me. Telling me he would come to my door and attack me. Saying my friend will attack me to

Print it. Police.

duckdodgers · 21/01/2012 17:49

Why havent you phoned the Police?Confused

AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 18:02

I can understand why you might not want to involve the police, especially if you're thinking it might make things worse and given time it'll all die down on its own.

But if you did tell them it could just be logging that something has happened in case things do get worse? I'm sure they wouldn't take things further unless you said you wanted them to.

Otherwise I probably would just leave them to it and deal with anything else if and when it comes up.

He's obviously spinning her a line, but I can't believe he's only just started to be like this, she must know what he's like.

SarahStratton · 21/01/2012 19:06

Dear, oh dear, no wonder we have a bad reputation over there.

psketti · 21/01/2012 19:17

I wouldn't let her in. Wolf in sheeps clothing I think. She'd have got nasty. Stay well away. I think your dh is going to have to find a new friend.

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 19:22

Sarah what a coincdence I was just about to link that after reading it, dear oh dear.

icer · 21/01/2012 19:23

dear dear me.... whatever next

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 19:25

Well as a user of the internet I have this amazing ability to read more than one site.

So op, to you genuinely want help or did you fabricate this problem? If it is genuine I could be of help if not meh.

AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 19:29

Just reading on the thread you posted Sarah, the poster Susan looks like the one who got banned and was writing shitty things about MN posters on her blog a while back?

manticlimactic · 21/01/2012 19:29

I've read the first few replies on here and they're not that bad. A jokey line and then serious reply. Confused

They do sound like nutters. Sending emails and carrying on on facebook.

Just looked at that link. Op is a reg over there, judging by the tickers. Make you wonder....

manticlimactic · 21/01/2012 19:30

X posted.

AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 19:31

I should have read to the end of the thread Grin

Lola's just pointed out that Susan was the banned poster.

SarahStratton · 21/01/2012 19:31

Certainly does sound like SS

AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 19:32

And I think most people could host at least two episodes of JK from the shit going on in their lives Grin

FabbyChic · 21/01/2012 19:33

Do you still have the chat history on your FB with her partner, because I would have kept them as proof, as soon as he overstepped the boundary between friends you should have put a stop to it, YOu should have told your husband and SHOWN him the proof.

As it is you have two people who are saying different things and there is no proof, her husband would have lied to her she is obviously going to believe him over you.

Always keep proof to show your innocence without it you have nothing. Its your word against his.

SarahStratton · 21/01/2012 19:33

I shall have to be verrry careful. Now you all know I am Lola, and they know I am Stratters.

Grin
ImperialBlether · 21/01/2012 19:39

Yes, I noticed that Susan too, AgentZigzag.

I don't believe her for a minute.