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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I just leave things the way they are?

50 replies

Becka1408 · 21/01/2012 16:46

Hi Everyone

I'll give you a basic run down. My friends husband was trying it on with me, I had no idea what he was doing at first because it was just a lot of talking over facebook. He tried to kiss me whilst drunk and begged me not to tell. I did tell him to get lost several times. He manipulated me into believing I was guilty. I hadn't done anything wrong. He had told me he loved me and things. This man was my husbands best friend from primary school so talking to him over facebook wasn't a problem for our other halves because we where all friends. Or so it seemed.
Anyway I felt like I was living a lie not letting my husband know what his best friend was up to so one night (after a few drinks with friends) I told him everything. He was furious but simply warned his friend that if he ever tried to contact me again he would tell his wife. Obviously he started getting a guilty conscience and told his wife 3 days later. He admitted everything. And I admitted I was wrong for not saying anything sooner and apologised profusely.

The next day I get a email from my friends male cousin. Threatening me. Telling me he would come to my door and attack me. Saying my friend will attack me to. He said that I must of done something to make him do it. (I did not) I blocked and deleted him off facebook as I was scared. I also blocked everyone that had anything to do with my friend and her husband. I was scared for the safety of my children so I went to visit family the next day and my husband had organised a weekend away for us to let things settle down a bit. We got home on the Sunday night and not even 20 minutes later I get a phone call from my MIL letting me know she had seen a post on facebook that looked like it was targeted at me and it made no sense. It said some dirty little fanny has hacked my other facebook. She is a dirty little whore who is to blame for everything because she lead him on. (sorry for language) Well I was shocked and assumed that she had made up the hacking thing because she hadn't got a reaction from her threats, because when MIL looked at her other facebook nothing had been wrote on it.
Fast forward 2 days she knocks on my door with the sweetest voice ever and asks if we can have a wee chat and talk about things. I simply shook my head and closed the door. I now feel like maybe I should of let her in and explained why I am so upset with her, I understand that she was upset because I hadn't told her sooner. But to blame me for her husband's actions accuse me of something I didn't do and put my childrens safety at risk by getting her family to come to my door to attack me is worse. I think.
So what do I do now? Do I leave things the way they are or email her somehow and tell her why I am so angry or ask her to come to my house.

Please someone reply. Knowone ever does lol

OP posts:
Sposh · 21/01/2012 20:08

For gawd's sake the jezza link was a joke Hmm and anyway, the people the OP was describing certainly sound like guests on JK. I didn't accuse the OP of being of their ilk. Double Hmm Hmm

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 20:13

s'alright the nm thread got pulled but this one will stay as we're groovy like that Wink

karmathreefold · 21/01/2012 20:18

SarahStratton I did warn you over there Wink

Becka1408 · 21/01/2012 20:31

Well that's exactly what everyone says.. You get accused of being a liar here when looking for help. What a lovely bunch of people you are. For those who tried to help Thanks x

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 20:35

who called you a liar?

It's a fair question before going into to detail to check you motivation for posting this. The other thread said you wanted to teach a lesson not that you wanted help?

And most people on the NM thread said that you got good fair advice, which is exactly what you have received.

Sposh · 21/01/2012 20:38

Except from me, apparently Grin

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 20:42

Sposh, don't sweat it the op came here with a big spoon, makes you wonder how she treats people on her own site? Wink

Thanks for your input op we'll let HQ know we're all nasty accusatory vipers.

Becka1408 · 21/01/2012 20:43

Lol

OP posts:
Becka1408 · 21/01/2012 20:44

Look i wrote the thread on netmums in the heat of the moment because i was in genuine need for some advice. I hadnt received the other replies by that point so i am sorry. Genuinely I am. I did not come here to cause problems.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 20:46

It's healthy and necessary to take every thread with a pinch of salt Becka, that way you don't get more involved than you can afford to be.

There's no doubt some people get a kick from leeching off other peoples sympathy, and if a poster finds out they've been used and have talked about deeply distressing and personal things, it can hurt.

But please don't make the mistake of generalizing the media portrayal that MN is packed to the rafters with bitter and twisted old hags they're all in chat Grin to all the posters on here, because that would make you one then Grin

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 20:58

Alright then in that case ....

STAY THE HELL AWAY Grin seriously this guy sounds quite manipulative. If your friend comes to her senses and realises you weren't at fault she can find another way to contact you. You've done the right thing and said sorry, I'd stay well away in case he is trying to get his own back.

Thanks for clarifying you were being genuine too

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 21:11

ahem sorry Blush ...I also now retract my spoon comment Blush

Becka1408 · 21/01/2012 21:32

I was in one of those moods where I take everything to heart so whoever wrote the jeremy kyle comment sorry for taking it so seriously xx I'm not a trouble maker honest x I just wrote on netmums because thats what I'm more used to and i needed to vent as I have know one and thought you guys where taking the piss.
So can we start over?

And to the lady who suggested I show my husband my messages I did. But somehow I am still getting the blame even though my friend had seen them too. Obviously my husband is by my side. I posted this whilst he was at work so I didn't have a chance to vent before i posted anything so sorry again xxx

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 21:42

AF there was a thread on Nethuns that Stratters and I noticed ... we got cross as the op up there decided we were nasty bjullying bitches.

We are not meanies

we rule Grin

she said sorry

so did we

all friends

Now do the decent thing and tell the op to stay away from the psycho man on not to the answer the door Grin

AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 21:46

hd I will take your advice and revisit the OP

AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 21:46

I was thinking the OP seemed alright AF, saying she was sorry and posted in the heat of the moment isn't typical wind up merchant behaviour.

AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 21:47

Saying she started the thread on netmums in the heat of the moment is what I mean.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 21:49

OP I trust hd 's judgement here

do not take responsibilty for the actions of a fuckhead bloke

that way madness lies

any queries coming your way, you bat off as "not my problem, you ask your man about that"

I don't think you did anything wrong, apart from perhaps falling into the trap of trying to appease as many women do (mistakenly)

get tough, OP, and stand up for yourself

AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 21:50

and AZZ's judgement too, which I cross posted with

JustHecate · 21/01/2012 21:52

I think it was wise that you did not let her in - she may have attacked you.

I strongly urge you to report all this to the police. Even if you want nothing done atm, it should be recorded in case things escalate (which I hope they don't).

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 22:01

I worked with a guy who used to think that every single one of his wife's friends fancied him. It was actually really his way of controlling her as she systematically fell out with people over their alleged attempts to trap him.

He got fired after another member of staff reported him for obscene email that were entirely one sided. The member of staff that reported him got paint thrown over her car, cctv showed it was the wife.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 22:07

hd, that is some fucked up shit

Honeydragon · 21/01/2012 22:10

He was a major league dick. We were utterly baffled tbh as when ever he brought her to work do's where spouses were expected she seemed so bright and intelligent, but she was totally dominated by him.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 22:17

that is quite sad, actually

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