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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to rehome my elderly cat?

52 replies

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 20:32

Namechanger here and have hard hat ready.

Any solutions to this greatly appreciated.

V brief backstory, cat is 16 or so (we adopted him as a stray). I have two DC, 3 and 13 months, the 13 month old still gets up quite a lot at night to BF and 3 year old prone to nightmares at moment. Husband moved out a few weeks ago - won't go into details, but it was sudden and traumatic for everyone - so just me on own with DC. For various reasons husband is having them for a few hours at weekend when he can, but mainly down to me. I have been quite ill over past few weeks and also been going through redundancy process.

So... the bloody cat keeps waking us all up at night. He comes in and yowls and yowls. Have small house and because of layout only place to shut him in is dining room...where he yowls and scratches so it wakes me and often DS up. DS then takes anywhere up to 30mins to resettle. Have tried shutting stairgate at bottom of stairs, cat scratches/bangs/yowls all night, wakes up me/DS/DD/all of us.

Can't shut cat outside as he yowls and wakes up neighbours.

Basically if one of the 2 DC haven't got me up several times a night, then it's the cat and I have had enough.

Other bloody anooying things which have pissed me off for ages:

Cat runs mud all round the house, sits on clean washing/beds/windowsils/clean sofas etc and gets footprints and lumps of mud everywhere - this is all the sodding time. Can't have litter tray and keep him inside as only suitable room dining room and too grim as where we eat, plus risk of DS eating litter/cat shit etc..

Am constantly moving cat biscuits up our of DS' reach as he eats them, then cat will yowl at me until I put them back down, then DS gets them again, etc etc..

The cat can't get over stairgate anymore so yowls at me to open/shut it for him multiple times a day which then cues tantrum from DS who loves opening and shutting stairgate/going up and down stairs for hours at a time and would do this all day if he could.

He is regularly puking or shitting on the floor which is not fun to clean up and I also worry that DD/DS will find or step in the sick/shit first (and in DS' case probably eat it).

Cat needs about £600 of dental work doing, can't afford it, feel awful. He's also going a bit senile and will yowl for food even if it is right in front of him til you shake his bowl then he realises it is there.

He's really more husband's cat than mine, but H can't take him as living with relatives temporarily. I feel guilty that he obviously needs attention but I genuinly feel I have nothing left to give. I'm surviving on very, very little sleep as it is and I work too.

The only thing stopping me trying to get him rehomed is I think it could be further upsetting for DD (3) with yet another change, but seriously, I could kill the fecking cat when he's woken me up again...especially when by some miracle both DC are asleep at the same time.

Ah... apologies this was very long. Poor sodding cat.

OP posts:
Bearcrumble · 20/01/2012 20:35

I feel sorry for the cat but I feel sorry for you too.

I don't think a senile, shitting-everywhere cat is going to get rehomed to be honest - it's far more likely to get put down.

Can someone in your husband's family take the cat?

Slanket · 20/01/2012 20:37

poor cat

JustHecate · 20/01/2012 20:38

Why is he yowling? Have you taken him to the vets to investigate that and the vomiting and going to the toilet everywhere? To rule out him doing it because he's ill.

My blossy started yowling a lot and starting going to the toilet everywhere. Cats don't, normally, just go everywhere. Turned out she was really ill. Thyroid problems and a tumour too. Sadly, we had to have her put to sleep because there was nothing the vet could do and she would soon have really started to suffer Sad

There's probably nothing serious like that wrong with your cat, I'm not trying to alarm you! But you really should take him to the vet just to get it checked out.

If it is something that can be cured/managed - wouldn't that be better?

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 20:39

No, I've had a mental trawl through all friends/family I can think of and they are all a no.

And yes...I know poor cat, but seriously I would defy anyone not to get pissed off when they are being woken for the umpteenth time.

OP posts:
botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 20:41

With the shitting... it's not everywhere/all the time. The being sick has been more frequent though so wondering if maybe I should take him for that.

He's always had a yowl rather than a miaow - it;s not a new thing.

TBH I could cope with all of it other than the wake ups. That's what's killing me.

OP posts:
Onlyaphase · 20/01/2012 20:43

Sounds like you have my cat - also aged and senile. You have my sympathies as it is bloody irritating at the best of times - I have none of your stresses and shut the cats in the utility room at night where they can't disturb me, and I still find it irritating.

I know what I'd do with an incontinent cat, but I think I'm in the minority on MN in this.

jade80 · 20/01/2012 20:43

I couldn't bring myself to pass on a cat like yours. If I truly couldn't look after him I would have him put down at home. I would feel anything else was totally unfair and overly stressful for the cat.

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 20:43

He does go to vets regularly BTW. They told me last time about the dental work but said as he has a heart murmur they're not keen on his chances of surviving the anaesthetic. Other than the teeth/heart and an old injury we sometimes have to use steroids for, he was in good health at last check and he eats very well still.

Think he is missing husband TBH and I know I should be more sympathetic

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2012 20:45

Throwing up and messing inside. This cat is either ill or needs to get outside? Has it lost weight? I really would consult vet. If this is new behaviour then there must be a reason. Is it senile or blind?
BTW poor you. It sounds like you have far too much on your plate. Unfortunately the cat sounds upset too!

MaeMobley · 20/01/2012 20:45

I came on ready to flame you but I do feel sorry for both you & the cat. What about your husband? is he going to get his own place in the long run?

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2012 20:45

Sorry cross post

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 20:49

Aww, I can't get him put down. I really, really can't. It's not his fault and he is such an affectionate (if v bloody annoying) cat. I thought maybe he might still have a few years left and a lving home where he can get all the attention he needs would be better.

Maybe if I put a basket in my room he would sleep there and feel connected enough. Problem is DS cosleeps with me so cat not allowed on foot of bed where he would be otherwise.

Husband is eventually aiming to get own place but I'm not holding my breath.

OP posts:
StepfordWannabe · 20/01/2012 20:49

It's a CAT - it's had a good life, it is now demented, incontinent and driving you crazy, got to the vets and get it put down for the love of God.

spanky2 · 20/01/2012 20:51

I'm not sure a 13 month old needs milk at night. It sounds to me like the cat needs to go to the vet. Shutting a cat in a room will make them meow and scrabble about. I think you might need someone to babysit your dcs and you have a sleep. It sounds to me that you need your friends and family to give you some support, as you and your dh have separated, you are being made redundant and you have been bf through the night for over a year. That sounds like alot of stress to me. I think you have put all of this crap on to the cat, as that is easier to deal with. I do that, I worried about Mummy Mafia, rather than ds1's reading problems. I was really worried about ds1. Make sure you are not depressed, it sneaked up on me. If you have a good health visitor you could go to them to get some idea about how to help your dcs sleep through the night.

BeeBawBabbity · 20/01/2012 20:52

Don't feel guilty about rehoming the cat. You have loads on your plate and you need the sleep. Try animal shelters and see what they can do. Your mental and physical wellbeing trumps the cat's.

spanky2 · 20/01/2012 20:54

I live with a cat who tiddled on the bed when she had cystitis and puked mostly every day, always in 2 places. I loved her and still miss her even though she died 4 years ago.

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 20:56

DS not sleeping is another thing I have to sort out. So tired am just putting one foot in front of another most days and BF is fastest way to get him back off with me still being horizontal.

I will speak to vet for some advice next week and get him checked over.

OP posts:
jade80 · 20/01/2012 20:56

Well if you can't bring yourself to put him down in a calm safe place he knows, please don't pass him to a rescue centre. Only pass him on if it is to someone you know, who won't pass him on again. Make sure they know exactly what he is like, all his quirks, and that they are happy with them. It just isn't fair on a cat to be passed from pillar to post when old and not the most straightforward of pets. Don't do it to him...

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/01/2012 20:57

Stepfordwannabe, what a lovely post Hmm

madaboutmadmen · 20/01/2012 21:00

see if you can get some advice here, they may have an adoption centre near you, they're very good. www.cats.org.uk

NatashaBee · 20/01/2012 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spanky2 · 20/01/2012 21:01

I hear you, with the feeding at night...Please take the cat to the vet. It might not be that he is being an arse, he might be trying to tell you he's not well.

Samvet · 20/01/2012 21:02

You need to take him to the vet. Various conditions including high blood pressure cause crying at night. Treatable. Take him ASAP. Do not try and re home. He will stay in rescue as no one will home him. He would be better off put to sleep in that case.

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 21:03

Will def make vet's appointment

Stepfordwannabe - I get what you are saying - several people IRL have said similar. Not sure if I am being a bit soft/sentimental/martyr.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 20/01/2012 21:05

I'd give the poor old boy a couple more weeks to settle done before making any big decisions. It sounds as if he's missing his daddy.

I do hope ;you get some sleep soon tho.

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