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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to rehome my elderly cat?

52 replies

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 20:32

Namechanger here and have hard hat ready.

Any solutions to this greatly appreciated.

V brief backstory, cat is 16 or so (we adopted him as a stray). I have two DC, 3 and 13 months, the 13 month old still gets up quite a lot at night to BF and 3 year old prone to nightmares at moment. Husband moved out a few weeks ago - won't go into details, but it was sudden and traumatic for everyone - so just me on own with DC. For various reasons husband is having them for a few hours at weekend when he can, but mainly down to me. I have been quite ill over past few weeks and also been going through redundancy process.

So... the bloody cat keeps waking us all up at night. He comes in and yowls and yowls. Have small house and because of layout only place to shut him in is dining room...where he yowls and scratches so it wakes me and often DS up. DS then takes anywhere up to 30mins to resettle. Have tried shutting stairgate at bottom of stairs, cat scratches/bangs/yowls all night, wakes up me/DS/DD/all of us.

Can't shut cat outside as he yowls and wakes up neighbours.

Basically if one of the 2 DC haven't got me up several times a night, then it's the cat and I have had enough.

Other bloody anooying things which have pissed me off for ages:

Cat runs mud all round the house, sits on clean washing/beds/windowsils/clean sofas etc and gets footprints and lumps of mud everywhere - this is all the sodding time. Can't have litter tray and keep him inside as only suitable room dining room and too grim as where we eat, plus risk of DS eating litter/cat shit etc..

Am constantly moving cat biscuits up our of DS' reach as he eats them, then cat will yowl at me until I put them back down, then DS gets them again, etc etc..

The cat can't get over stairgate anymore so yowls at me to open/shut it for him multiple times a day which then cues tantrum from DS who loves opening and shutting stairgate/going up and down stairs for hours at a time and would do this all day if he could.

He is regularly puking or shitting on the floor which is not fun to clean up and I also worry that DD/DS will find or step in the sick/shit first (and in DS' case probably eat it).

Cat needs about £600 of dental work doing, can't afford it, feel awful. He's also going a bit senile and will yowl for food even if it is right in front of him til you shake his bowl then he realises it is there.

He's really more husband's cat than mine, but H can't take him as living with relatives temporarily. I feel guilty that he obviously needs attention but I genuinly feel I have nothing left to give. I'm surviving on very, very little sleep as it is and I work too.

The only thing stopping me trying to get him rehomed is I think it could be further upsetting for DD (3) with yet another change, but seriously, I could kill the fecking cat when he's woken me up again...especially when by some miracle both DC are asleep at the same time.

Ah... apologies this was very long. Poor sodding cat.

OP posts:
jade80 · 20/01/2012 21:05

You're doing the opposite of being soft if you pass him to rescue. No-one would want him. It would be positively cruel.

madaboutmadmen · 20/01/2012 21:06

at least speak to cats protection before you write him off. I sympathise, really I do but it must be worth a phonecall?

spanky2 · 20/01/2012 21:07

Please don't put your cat to sleep unless he is terminally ill. He is your family. Sad

Auntiestablishment · 20/01/2012 21:07

Aw, poor cat - must be traumatic for puss too.

Do try the sleeping in your room thing - he may be upset by his main owner vanishing and calm down when he knows the rest of you are still there. Also can you invest in ear plugs so you don't notice the yowling? (or would that cause problems with not being able to hear DCs?)

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 21:08

Maybe one of these organisations which foster cats could be an option, so they're giving him a home not looking for someone to take him on? I don't want to cause him any suffering, obviously (well only at 3 in the morning).

OP posts:
spanky2 · 20/01/2012 21:10

It seems abit mean when his Daddy has left that he has to leave his home. The RSPCA put unwanted cats to sleep, to make more space.

Ephiny · 20/01/2012 21:11

I'll say what I said on the last 'I want to get rid of my cat' thread - if you don't want him, why would you think anyone else would? I don't think an elderly cat with messy habits and needing expensive dental work is going to be easily 'rehomed'. There are far more cats and kittens out there needing homes than there are good homes for them - and most of them will be younger, healthier and easier to take on than yours.

And to be perfectly honest, the poor old thing is 16, he probably won't be with you much longer either way.

tabulahrasa · 20/01/2012 21:11

He's very very unlikely to be rehomed once in a rescue centre, he'll either live out the rest of his life there or be euthanized to make room for another cat.

Personally I'd work round my cat's issues as I took it on and it's my responsibility, but if you feel unable to, if he's as elderly and senile as you describe it's kinder to have him put to sleep yourself than put him through the stress of going to a rescue centre.

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 21:12

No, ear plugs sounds good! DS is 100% not ever going to sleep in cot, so planning to take base of bed and anything non babyproof away and then just lie with my back to him and earplugs in. TBH where I've been ill this past week I've been letting DS cry next to me and he is sometimes starting to resettle without a feed which is progress, if glacial. So to be sucked from a lovely, rare, deep sleep at 5 this morning and for it to be the cat waking me up rather than one of the DC was doubly crap.

OP posts:
yankiedoodledandy · 20/01/2012 21:13

Aw please get your cat checked out. I was at my wits end recently with my 13yr old male cat. I have DS age 2 and my cat was puking and urinating in house. Totally unacceptable. However I felt awful as I used 2 work in animal rescue centre as a teenager and hated people who gave away their animals because they had kids. However almost came to it myself over last few months, have 2 cats, male one starting spraying and vomiting everywhere despite us having feliway pheromone diffuser - took him to the vets with more of a view to how to 'deal' with the spraying and turned out he was suffering horrible skin infection and feeling really crap. Now he's treated, we are back to having our lovely well behaved boy. It's hard to remember the good times with your 'pushed out' pet when you have young kids.please remember why you got them in the 1st place, dogs/ cats are for life and all that..

marriedinwhite · 20/01/2012 21:14

OP - you have my every sympathy. When DS was a baby (he's now 17) he was chronically asthmatic and the cat was 12. She was being terrorised by a ginger monster and becoming more and more distressed - she was toileting everywhere; the baby was crawling and eating her food (why I never thought to put a gate on the utility room and keep the food in there I don't know and have thought about it a lot with hindsight), he was wheezing and in and out of hospital and we didn't know if it was an allergy. We did have her rehomed and were very lucky that the vet knew an elderly lady in her 80's who had just lost a cat and wanted an old one because she didn't want to outlive the cat! The cat at that point needed a quiet home and lots of attention and a littter tray. I have always felt incredibly guilty about it.

In your case, the cat is a little older and she belongs to your dh who sounds as though he has left you in the lurch with distraught children and his distraught cat. In your shoes I think I would say to him that actually I can't cope with your cat and give your children all the love and support they need at this difficult time for which you are responsible. I don't want any harm to come to the cat but I am going to book her into a cattery for two week while you make alternative arrangements for her. After the two weeks, she is your responsibility and I hope you will fulfil it. At present all my energies need to be devoted to your two children for whom I am now the principal carer.

I am a cat lover OP - we now have three. I don't think you need anything other than your dc to worry about at the moment and I think you need a break too - metaphorically speaking. I also think your cat may genuinely have dementia and I'm not sure you are in a position to give the cat the devotion he/she needs at this time in order to give the cat a reasonable quality of life.

Hope it all turns out OK.

botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 21:15

x-posts. I will try and do right by him. So no rescue centre then, vets next week and maybe bed in my room and we'll see. Hopefully H can take him at some point.

I suppose now DS is a bit older, the cat could be allowed on the foot of the bed again, but would still be worried about safety.

He is a lovely, cuddly cat. Just wants cuddles really all the time, but I am at maximum knackered/touched out stage.

OP posts:
botherthatcat · 20/01/2012 21:18

Oh dear, feeling guilty now. I don't think I'm even doing a brilliant job supporting the DC never mind the cat, I'm trying.

OP posts:
Mibby · 20/01/2012 21:18

He sounds very like my old cat, he had thyroid problems but once he was on medication he calmed down, shut up and slept a lot more. Please take him to the vet

tigerdriverII · 20/01/2012 21:19

I think you should see the vet and see what's going on. We "literally" lost our old boy same age in the summer who did the yowling but not too much mess. He disappeared and no doubt we'll find his bones in a field somewhere. Some of these things are fixable with pills, I knew ours wouldn't take to being regimented with pills and diet etc as had been an outdoor cat for so long so I didn't take him to vet but if you can treat him, you might be able to sort it out. I do know what you mean about yowling - the two new guys we have are young and don't do it but we had many broken nights with this. Poor old cat - I don't suppose he's missing your DH as cats don't really care much about us (tho we do re them) but he's probly just old.

thenightsky · 20/01/2012 21:20

agree with marriedinwhite's advice... your DH needs to care for his cat.

tabulahrasa · 20/01/2012 21:23

Ach don't feel bad, you're going through a rough patch, you've a lot on your plate and the cat's needing extra care too - of course it's getting to you

go to the vets and see what they can do and hopefully they can help you with him

solvendie · 20/01/2012 21:28

I don't think getting rid of the cat is the solution. It looks like the dental work may solve the problem. Anyone who takes on the cat will have to pay for this. Why don't you call PDSA and ask if you could get any help with this? Smile

marriedinwhite · 20/01/2012 21:31

OP - you have said that the things that stop you getting rid of the cat are your 3 year old's potential distress and the reason that stops you letting the cat sleep on the bed is your 13 month old's safety.

You are very very clearly do a very good job with your children. It is very very clear that you are supporting them to the nth degree and that you love them very much.

You sound like a very loving and caring mummy who is going through a rough patch and needs more than a bit of support.

Brew Flowers >>>>>>>>HUGS HUGS

WhatLarks · 20/01/2012 21:37

Some people will take on old cats, and cats can cope with a change, even at that great age. We adopted a 17 year old cat. His previous owner had bought him for their daughter, who had no further use for him when she went to university. He settled into our house very well, and is now 22.

monstermissy · 20/01/2012 21:47

Taking my old puss to the vets monday for some dental work, really really cant afford to do it and its money out of my household bills so i feel your pain. He is getting on now and isnt up to much.

I would take him to the vets, let him back to sleep on the bed and if his mouth is sore may benefit from wet food mashed up. My boy cant eat biscuits and wont eat meat unless it is mashed right up as his mouth is sore. Also cut yourself some slack sounds like a really stressful time.

Arrived75 · 23/02/2018 14:38

god, people are right! the vitriol on here. What a bunch of absolute bitches. I would have you put to sleep.

Poor cat.

UnicornRainbowColours · 23/02/2018 14:43

Cats prob dead now anyway sene as this thread is 6 years old and the cat was 16 unless it’s lived to be 20

BMW6 · 23/02/2018 15:08

Arrrgh ffs zombie thread

goose1964 · 23/02/2018 15:12

My cat was similar,she had kidney disease and was treated for a while but when her tablets stopped working she died very quickly

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