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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have deleted her embarrassing video of me?

30 replies

Prunella79 · 20/01/2012 18:31

unbeknownst to me a friend filmed me drunkenly dancing. the next day the camera was passed around for everyone to watch - i was quite happy with this and glad to be laughed at amongst friends but then she mentioned that she intended to upload it to facebook and worse youtube, so when it came to my turn to see the video i deleted it...
...the room went silent, there were a few open mouths.

but wouldn't you delete too to avoid humiliation?
is it so unreasonable? - in the past i have regretted not deleting a similar film.

OP posts:
Goldrill · 20/01/2012 18:32

Well I would have done too, but I would probably expect other people to see me as BU. And not really given a toss.

ColdTruth · 20/01/2012 18:33

YANBU

it's a video of you which she intended to make very public once something is on the internet there is no taking it back.

WorraLiberty · 20/01/2012 18:33

If you made it clear you didn't want it on the internet and she still insisted she was going to do it, then YANBU.

Doesn't sound like much of a friend though.

hiddenhome · 20/01/2012 18:33

YANBU

She shouldn't upload it, that's no kind of friend Sad

MsHighwater · 20/01/2012 18:33

NBU at all. Some "friend" she is. What did she say?

KittyFane · 20/01/2012 18:34

Awful 'friend'

schobe · 20/01/2012 18:34

Don't blame you, I'd have done the same with all the talk of youtube.

Hard cheese to her.

Not sure I'd be that comfortable with the level of hilarity at my expense with a group of 'friends'. Depends on the normal vibe between you all though.

WellBlowMeDown · 20/01/2012 18:35

I would have deleted it too.

TroublesomeEx · 20/01/2012 18:38

I would have deleted it too.

Original poster
Prunella79 · 20/01/2012 18:41

she's a friend's new girlfriend - we get on really well but i don't feel i know her well enough to trust her to keep it and not upload it.

she didn't say goodbye when they left. i think i may have to apologise when i next see them, though it was all done in a very jovial manner - there was no animosity

OP posts:
ChitChatInChaos · 20/01/2012 18:43

SHE should be apologising to you for videoing you like that!!! Ugh, who would want friends like that??!!

DawnOfTheDee · 20/01/2012 18:44

Well done you. I would have deleted it to.

I have a 'friend' who does this with photos ie you politely ask for them to be deleted as you find them upsetting/really don't like them and she pretends she doesn't know how/won't do it/thinks it's funny. I hate people who do this...should feel sorry for them as it's a bit sad that they enjoy having that sort of 'power' over people but it is fecking annoying.

YankNCock · 20/01/2012 18:44

Honestly I wouldn't apologise, I can imagine that coming out rather awkwardly and making the situation worse. What could you say? 'Sorry I deleted it, but I don't trust you to respect my wishes.'?

noblegiraffe · 20/01/2012 18:45

It is utterly unacceptable to film someone and then upload it to the internet for everyone to take the piss, without their permission.

Deleting it was perfectly reasonable. She has no right to be pissed off - why would she want to keep it, except at your expense?

Bunbaker · 20/01/2012 18:45

This is one of the many reservations I have about Facebook. Unfortunately there are photos of my daughter on there because other people have taken photos at various events and uploaded them without asking me first. What happened to privacy?

YANBU at all. I refuse to be in other people's photos nowadays because you never know where they will end up and as ColdTruth has pointed out, once they are on the net they stay there forever.

YankNCock · 20/01/2012 18:46

also YANBU. I think it's bad form to upload things without asking the subject's permission first, particularly to a public forum like youtube. At least on FB there would be somewhat restricted viewing (assuming she has things closed to only friends), but even that is too far if you said you didn't want it on the internet.

WorraLiberty · 20/01/2012 18:47

Apologise? Fuck that for a game of tiddly winks Hmm

Xmasbaby11 · 20/01/2012 18:49

Good for you! Maybe she will think twice before doing it next time.

MissMogwi · 20/01/2012 18:49

YANBU I'd have done the same. It's a video of you, so it's up to you if it's out there on the Interweb.
Balls to her, don't apologise.

TroublesomeEx · 20/01/2012 18:51

More than that, if this is a new friend, you have now made your boundaries very clear and she's unlikely to try taking the piss in future.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/01/2012 19:05

Absolutely do NOT apologise to her.

She overstepped the mark by videoing you, you were kind enough not to call her on it when only friends saw it; but uploading it? Making it public? The acid test for that is, if you wouldn't want it on the front page of your local newspaper then you don't put it on t'internet.

Interesting that she is new to your circle.

whatsallthefuss · 20/01/2012 19:09

i would have deleted it too

and then laughed and said... how are you going to post it now?

toddlerama · 20/01/2012 19:13

She sounds like a bit of a bully tbh. What was her motivation for laughing at you with a group and posting it online?? Confused

I would have deleted it too.

shouldabeenwashedinajug · 20/01/2012 19:16

How old are you all?

It sounds like something a group of 15 year olds would do.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 20/01/2012 19:18

YASNBU
I get the hump if people post photos of me in profile on FB, my nose is not something I need reminding me of. My sister also managed to post a pic where I had moved and my bum looked like it had been fatboothed - oh shit I hope I had moved and it doesn't really look like that!
Too many people printing pics of folks on public sites if you ask me, hmph!