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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave the kids "Home Alone"

93 replies

StickyVicky · 20/01/2012 12:08

Yes or no answer needed really.

I am due to go out tonight for a birthday do. Babysitter has pulled out last minute and there will be upset if I don't go.

I have left the kids alone before and they've always been fine, however I've never left them late at night. This would involve leaving them from 7pm until around midnight.

They are 11 and 13. No friends come back here, I can guarantee they will be where I left them when I get home (xbox and laptop).

However I am aware that midnight is pushing it somewhat. So over to the jury - is it really irresponsible for me to leave them alone tonight?

OP posts:

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 20/01/2012 21:03

YANBU, but I wouldn't stay until 12 I would be back by 11.

DilysPrice · 20/01/2012 21:04

Don't get drunk, come back a bit earlier, ring and check on them every hour.

ByTheSea · 20/01/2012 21:10

I could leave my DDs and they are slightly younger than yours.

hatesponge · 20/01/2012 21:10

I think the length of time is ok if they don't fight but midnight seems quite late.

I've left my 13 year old home on his own from 5-10pm, but would feel uncomfortable being out any later than that - possibly not so much if I had gone out later though. When his 10 year old brother is with him I wouldn't normally leave them for more than a couple of hours in the evening, only because they tend to get more argumentative with each other the later it gets. And they are both chronically lazy so will not make themselves anything to eat, which eqully doesn't help their mood!

mojitomania · 20/01/2012 21:11

I also used to babysit from the age of 13.

My DS is 14 and I leave him every now and then. Left him last Saturday night till about 12.30am. I was 15 mins away in a bar with friends.

I'd say yes as long as they don't fight and the younger one is happy with this arrangement and the older one won't take his position of "being in charge" too literally.

Just give them a call every hour (making sure you speak to them both)

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 20/01/2012 21:13

It's fine. My parents left me and Dsis at this age occasionally. We'd get a video and a pizza. I have very happy memories of those times.

mamalovesmojitos · 20/01/2012 21:22

I would leave them and you can check in from your mobile . I don't have dcs that age but i certainly was babysitting for neighbours at 13.

mojitomania · 20/01/2012 21:35

mama I discovered Berry Mojitos the other day mmmmmm

Driftwood999 · 20/01/2012 21:41

No.
If you went, did you tell the other party goers, that you left your kids "Home Alone"? Or something else?

fbnomore · 20/01/2012 21:43

i would happily leave kids that age alone if i knew they were responsible enough not to set fire to stuff. my aunt found out the hard way that her kids couldnt be left.
Mine, i happily leave.

mamalovesmojitos · 20/01/2012 21:45

mojitomania hi! raspberry mojitos are indeed vair tasty.

FabbyChic · 20/01/2012 21:46

The OP has already fucked off out.

Norwegiana · 20/01/2012 21:47

I used to babysit from the age of 11-12, both for my brothers (4 years younger) or the neighbour's children. This is before mobile phones, but I always had a phone number to contact them on. But this is Britain, not Norway, and 2012, not the early nineties...so I think it's sensible to involve your neighbour just in case something happens.

HazleNutt · 20/01/2012 22:24

when I was that age I was home alone for 2 weeks, parents went to Spain. They'll be fine.

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 22:30

The OP has already fucked off out.

Hopefully she has happily gone off, having briefed her very sensible DCs. I hope she comes back tomorrow and tells us how well it went-that the washing machine didn't mysteriously explode and the power stayed on.

doinmummy · 20/01/2012 22:34

I dont see much difference between leaving children during the day and leaving them at night . Washing machines can blow up during daylight hours too!

exoticfruits · 20/01/2012 22:42

Many MN posters wouldn't leave them in the day either!

mummymeister · 20/01/2012 23:43

exoticfruits - sorry you felt i shouldnt point out to the OP the kind of bad things that could happen but sometimes with everyone else yeah great go for it you need a bit of balance. check out the dot gov websites and what they have to say about leaving kids alone. Start off slowly at first - maybe an hour then build it up not straight for a 5 hr stint. The advice isnt just for the evenings it is during the day as well because of course washing machines blow up then too. At the end of the day they are the OP's kids and her risk and if she was confident about her actions then why ask a bunch of strangers for their views. In a couple of years time when my daughter is 15 i will have a chat with her about sitting her younger siblings and then go out for an hour up the road to see how it goes. if others choose to do differently then that is entirely up to them but you well know that if something does go wrong there will be an "AIBU to think this mum shouldnt have left this child" posted here within minutes of the news and everyone will be tutting and saying how terrible.

exoticfruits · 21/01/2012 07:50

She has got into it gradually-if you read the post-it isn't sudden. She has left them alone in the day and early evening-just not late at night. They are happy about it and they are sensible.
When they get to 15yrs they are 12 months off being able to get married themselves or join the army, so I am sure they can babysit younger siblings in their own home for 4 hours.
Of course web sites will play safe-imagine the fall out if something happened and the mother said 'SS told me that I could do it'!
You need common sense and you need to know your own house, location and children. She asked because everyone is a bit nervous the first time. I guess she just wanted reassurance that people had done it.
I bet you didn't go to bed last night mummymeister worrying that your washing machine would blow up-I bet you didn't even unplug it!

exoticfruits · 21/01/2012 08:56

I decided to actually look at the NSPCC guidance for leaving DCs alone and leaving them as babysitters and I was very heartened that it was sound common sense.
It says :

There?s no legally set age at which it?s OK to leave your child at home alone.

It depends on whether yours is mature enough to cope in an emergency and

feels happy about being left alone. Children mature at different ages and every

child is an individual

I was pleased to see that it wasn't black and white. Some 12 yr olds would be fine, others wouldn't.

The whole thing is here NSPCC

I would say that OP fell within the guidelines.

cory · 21/01/2012 10:59

The truth is that children are all different and families are all different. Just because some children are nervous about the dark or prone to panicking in emergencies it does not follow that all children are.

For a child who has never been alone before an hour in the daytime at age 13 might be a suitable starting point, another child may already have progressed beyond that and be ready for the next stage. Which is why the NSPCC very sensibly add that bit about children maturing at different ages.

We will be going out to the theatre and leaving 11yo ds on his own until however long it takes us to get back after the show. He has plenty of experience of being alone, he is not fond of Oscar Wilde and he knows what to do in an emergency.

I really do not believe there are any greater dangers related to him sitting at home in front of the radio and going to be if he feels tired than walking home from school every day, a half hour walk which involves crossing a main road and various smaller roads.

When it comes to nextdoor's children of the same age, though, I feel nervous even leaving them to go downstairs into the kitchen when they are round, because they fight and wreck the house and seem very dependent on adults. But then they don't walk to school either.

When I was 13 I was taking the family boat out. I dealt with any emergencies rising from this, had about the same seaman skills as I do now, and was no more prone to panicking than I am now. In my old home country it is still the norm for 11yos to go swimming with their friends, unsupervised by adults.

cory · 21/01/2012 11:00

that should have been "swimming in the sea"

Suzietastic · 21/01/2012 16:24

You know your children - if you think they will be fine then go with it. All children are different. I know I used to stay home with my sister at that age. Presumably you'll ring home etc to check they are ok & they will have your mobile number too.

exoticfruits · 21/01/2012 17:05

I was actually thrilled to see that the NSPCC was common sense.

People keep referring to SS and similar as if you are doing something dreadful and you will be in BIG TROUBLE should you be found out!
In actual fact it says exactly what I said, that you can't have a cut and fast rule, all DCs are individuals and if the responsible parent has safeguards and the DC is happy it is fine.
It hasn't a single mention of exploding washing machines!

How did it go OP?

RainboweBrite · 21/01/2012 18:58

Come on then, OP... did you go? Did you have fun? Was everything fine? (Will be amazed to hear any different!)

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