to miss my brother's wedding in New Zealand

[Allegrogirl]

We can't afford for 4 of us to go. It's going to be at New Year so the most expensive time of year. DH has kindly suggested that I go alone. DDs will be 6 and 3 so a lot for DH to deal with on his own. I'd feel terrible leaving them and worry they would resent missing such an amazing experience when they are older.

So I feel it's all of us or none of us. I'm also feeling miserable about not having had trip abroad for two years and got quite excited a the thought of NZ until I had a proper look at how much it will cost.

oops got to get my words right, I meant to say "not that I thought he wouldn't"

I would talk to your brother. Would he rather see just you, for a short while or all of you at leisure at a later date?

Her brother lives in the UK, in the next street PicaK....

so go!!!! and enjoy, I REALLY think you shoukld OK

If it was me, I wouldnt go. For me a trip to NZ would need to be a shared experience with DH to make it worth the time, trouble and expense. I would hate the idea of seeing fantastic sights and not being able to turn to DH and say 'stunning isnt it?'

If you can't afford to do something then there is not question of whether it is reasonable, you just can't do it.

Posted too soon.

So it's not as if your DCs are missing out on anything - either you go or nobody goes. There is nothing for them to miss out on because there was never a chance that they would have gone. They'd be much better able to appreciate the trip if they were 16 and 13, not 6 and 3.

Absolutely DCs are not "missing out" - they will barely remember it at this age.

Do go!

It's your one and only brother. He will appreciate your being there. Your DCs are too small to think they are missing out.

PS You will have such a wonderful time.

tbh I would go. Presumably your brother will probably only get married once. i wouldn't want to miss my brother's wedding. It is clear your Dp will be fine with the kids. And the kids are too young to feel they missed out, or to really remember the trip if you could afford to take them.

Just buy your kids a nice toy to bring back with you and plan to take them abroad in a few years time.

p.s. I went on an amazing holiday to australia at 7. All I remember is the fish shaped fish fingers we had at dinner, a toy my parents bought me when I was there and playing in the sea. They could have taken me to skegness and I would have much the same memories!

is there any way your brother could help you all go? my DB was getting married abroad (cancelled now due to family illness) but he was more than willing to help me and DH pay to go out (and our unempliyed dad etc) as the expense of the whole thing was more than we could afford and it was important for him for us all to attend.

I also second talking to airlines as we found out that a booking of 8+ people will get a special rate, so maybe see if you can book in with others going out for the wedding too?? or flying christmas day as its at new year, can often be very cheap.

I wouldn't miss it, if it were me I would much rather regret doing something than having missed something I really wanted to be at iykwim.

I was going to say go when I thought he lived in NZ. Now i see he lives very near you I don't think I'd go. Perhaps have a celebration of the wedding on their return. It's not like this is your only chance to have a relationship with your DB this year.

Its a lovely opportunity for you ! If you can manage it you should be there for your brother. I think you would always regret not going.
Of course if you will b emiserable and not enjoy it - then stay with your family here.
You r children will not resent having missed it - They are very young and when they are older,.. it will just be something that happened in the past !

Let go,.. trust your DH to manage - and have a lovely time !

My big brother was in NZ when I got married (with the army so slightly different situation) and he now says that not making more of an effort to be there is a huge regret he has.

If you have the means to go then do it.

Try to go. I know it's hard to let go of organising the kids but I think your DH sounds like he is ready for the challenge. I missed my Brother-in-laws wedding in Mexico due to unavoidable circumstances and I still regret it!

I wouldn't go. If I was going to spend a couple of grand on a trip, I'd want to be with my DH and DCs. If my DB lived in the UK, was marrying a Kiwi out there for her family's sake, I'd expect them to have a small get-together back here, even a blessing (if that's their thing) in the UK, so that UK based friends and family could join in the fun.

But that's just my POV. FWIW I don't have a problem leaving a 6 and 4 year old with their dad for a couple of nights, but wouldn't want to be on the other side of the world from them. My homing beacon wouldn't let me sleep at night.

Thanks all for your replies. It's helped even though I haven't made my mind up yet. It's nice to be reassured that if I did go alone the DDs wouldn't be emotionally scarred for life. I'm sure there will be a party here for the UK friends and family and hopefully sis in law can be persuaded to wear her wedding dress so the DDs can pretend to be bridesmaids.

The SecondComing 'think anyone marrying on the other side of the world doesn't actually want anyone else there'. Really? Could it just be that they are marrying someone from the other side of the world? My brother desperately wants all his friends and family at the wedding and accepts that won't happen because he fell in love with someone from the other side of the world. She's settled here and it's only fair she gets the wedding with her family and friends.

No chance my brother can help financially. He's just turned 30 has spend much of the last decade traveling. The last few years between here and NZ with his GF trying to decide who will be the one to give up their friends and family.

Allegro - I hadn't appreciated that your bro and SIL-to-be live here in the UK. On that basis, whilst I still think it would be nice to go, it'd be much better all round if they had a party in the UK when they're back?

Have they looked to see if someone can Skype or Facetime the wedding, so you can at least watch it even if you can't be there?

Be fair though Second, this isnt a destination wedding is it? They havent announced they are getting married in NZ for the fun of it, we had friends who married in Italy and got the right hump when most of us couldnt go, so I know what you mean about that.

This is a woman from NZ and man from UK, one or the other set of friends and family would have to travel halfway across the world. It could just as easily have been her family. Would that have been selfish?

YANBU I couldn't do it. I couldn't be that far away from my small children. I would worry about getting back if there was an accident etc and I would either all go or not at all.

We had friends who married abroad and they had a party back here aswell where she wore the dress etc and had full evening do.