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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with my sister

66 replies

fridakahlo · 19/01/2012 20:09

for referring to my ds and dd as her babies. Specifically ending an e-mail with 'How are my babies?'
Probably, yes?

OP posts:

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 19/01/2012 20:53

My parents refer to my kids as 'their' babies. But they don't imply it is exclusive. i think it's nice. they are the whole families babies. I don't need to have exclusive rights!

pranma · 19/01/2012 20:53

I say 'who's grandma's best boy?'and stuff like that to my dgc all the time-is it wrong?

Bogeyface · 19/01/2012 21:17

But the point is she wouldn't babysit AT ALL

So?! Neither has my sister but that doesnt mean that I object to her calling my DD "my little XX (her nickname for DD)".

You dont get to buy a relationship with babysitting credits you know!

mayagoldmamma · 19/01/2012 21:25

It's not really childcare/babysitting imo when it's your mum's wedding. Weddings are about families and loved ones getting together and enjoying themselves. Why wouldn't your sister want to playwith/have fun with your children for an hour, and know she was also allowing you some guilt free grown up fun time, safe in the knowledge that your children were in good hands? A good, caring, loving sister would want to do that for you, imo.
But sisters can harbour all sorts of strange feelings about each other which come out in strange ways...my sister and i have misunderstood each other over things forever, and both felt aggrieved about a zillion things that happened as we grew up and so on
It's a hard relationship to enjoy sometimes, esp if one sister has things in life the other one wants and doesn't have...and by things i don't mean cars and stuff like that...
Perhaps it wouldn't bother you at all if she was kind and supportive...then you might well feel that they were her babies too, in a not really her babies, but I don't mind her saying that kind of way
Oh sisters! Soooooooo tricky

OnlyANinja · 19/01/2012 21:39

YANBU to be annoyed.

It is annoying.

lazymonkeyface · 20/01/2012 10:39

Oh clawdy calm down. Everyone is not in the same position and everyone has different likes. I understand im lucky and already i was prob being precious so your comment was not needed.

lazymonkeyface · 20/01/2012 10:40

* already said *

ReebleBauble · 20/01/2012 10:58

I have friends and family who do this and I HATE it. My friends seem to have stopped doing it now DD is older but MIL and SIL still do it. I think the problem I have with it is I know that they wish DD was
theirs and would be happiest if I wasnt around. DD is 13months and they're already asking when a brother for her will be coming along. Im just the brood mare.

newmum953 · 20/01/2012 10:59

It's sweet - she's showing that she love them.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 20/01/2012 11:02

Well if it was your mums wedding presumably it was her mums wedding too? Why should she have YOUR kids, it's not a requirement you know!!

YABVU!

BuenTiempo · 20/01/2012 11:08

But the point is she wouldn't babysit AT ALL.

why should she? they are your kids, your responsibility

not hers, not your mums, yours and their father's

DeWe · 20/01/2012 12:33

Personally I would find it a bit weird having someone else (except probably grandparents) refer to my children as "my babies". Whether they babysat or not. It's sort of sounds like they're trying to take possession of them.

Saying "my special boy/girl" I'd find okay if they did have that sort of relationship with them. Even "my special baby" or "my precious baby" or similar (assuming they were a baby not older) would be better.

If I heard someone refer to "my babies" I would assume they were a parent or grandparent.

aldiwhore · 20/01/2012 12:40

I wouldn't take offence at this terminology, but most people I know who refer to 'their babies' are talking about animals!!

Original poster

fridakahlo · 20/01/2012 12:43

Just to give more context, we live in the states so she hardly ever sees them anyway and she (hopefully won't be for years) already jokes about how she is planning to use me for free childcare over school holidays when she does have children. My mum, as a single mother, frequently did do this with her parents, sending us to stay with them for periods of two-three weeks.
As a stand alone issue though, I can see how I am being unreasonable, but I'm not going to beat myself up for an emotional reaction. What matters is how I approach it, not how I feel about it. So if I turned round to my sister and said "how dare you call my children YOUR babies' then yes I would be being unreasonable.
But I have no intention of doing that.

OP posts:

MrsPotter · 20/01/2012 12:56

i hope you told her where to stick that idea!

theressomethingaboutmarie · 20/01/2012 12:58

I agree with the poster here. It would drive me insane if someone kept referring to my daughter as 'my baby/my darling/my girl' etc. No! She's my girl.

My MIL occasionally does this, "How's my baby?" and it makes me seethe! She's my baby and my husbands' baby! I'm glad that she cares for her but I don't like the way that she refers to my daughter.

TheGrandOldDuke · 20/01/2012 13:06

Having a sister who gives not a monkeys, just be grateful she cares!

Original poster

fridakahlo · 20/01/2012 13:27

Don't actions speak louder than words?

OP posts:

BuenTiempo · 20/01/2012 13:29

My MIL occasionally does this, "How's my baby?" and it makes me seethe! She's my baby and my husbands' baby! I'm glad that she cares for her but I don't like the way that she refers to my daughter.

how bizarre

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 13:31

you poor posters! how awful that your rellies are fond of your children! best nip it in the bud now you don't want you kids growing up with that kind of caring extened family!

theressomethingaboutmarie · 20/01/2012 13:48

Okay, let me clarify this. I'm sure that most of those who do not like others calling their children 'my' this that and the other are very appreciative of the fact that their relatives care for their children. That's not the issue. The issue is that these relatives use terms that imply that they are the parents of the child at hand.

ScrambledSmegs · 20/01/2012 13:51

Surely it's just affectionate? Unless combined with extremely possessive behaviour I would be pleased that she was taking an interest.

I have some greek cypriot friends and sometimes they suffix my name with 'mou' ie Sally-mou (my name is not Sally!) as a term of endearment. It translates as 'my Sally'. I like it, it's not saying they're replacing my mother, but it just implies a closeness and affection.

With all your history maybe it's difficult to see that she probably doesn't have an agenda? It's really only one line in an email.

ScrambledSmegs · 20/01/2012 13:52

Oh, I'm not saying that they get my name wrong, btw! I just don't want to say my real name

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 14:21

"The issue is that these relatives use terms that imply that they are the parents of the child at hand"

phf no they're not! jez, it's just a term of endearment!

Davsmum · 20/01/2012 14:26

WHat a daft thing to get annoyed about.

As for trying to take ownership of them as Mayagoldmamma suggests,.. Thats mad. I think being annoyed about what is an effectionate expression makes you look insecure as a mother.

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