Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu/wwyd mil and nappies?

47 replies

GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 18:51

Have been mulling this over all week and i wanted some opinions before i go in all guns blazing.

Mil looks after my kids fairly often for which i am very grateful. She likes having them and they like being there. It a huge help to me but i am concerned about something she does while they are there.

She puts nappies on them even though they are fully toilet trained to "save her furniture". Neither is prone to accidents, in fact I can count on one hand the occurence in the last 6 months. Neither have ever wet the bed.

Now I have already spoken to her about this and she said she would stop, however on Sunday when they returned from her house ds (4) smelled a bit weird, and when I asked him what it was he said cream. He had nappy rash and she had put some sudocrem on it I think hoping I wouldn't notice. He said he had a sore bottom from sleeping. I asked if he was wearing a nappy and at first he said yes but then when i asked again he said "oh no, granny said its not nappies its my special pants".

So, aibu to be annoyed at this and wwyd about it?

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 19/01/2012 18:53

I think that's quite odd actually. Is she OK with them in other ways?

needanewname · 19/01/2012 18:54

How old is he?

Witchofthenorth · 19/01/2012 18:55

Yanbu I would be furious! My MIL tried this with me once. Told me she was going to put a nappy on my youngest when she had them while she was shopping as she couldn't be arsed with the faff of taking her to the toilet. I didn't leave my youngest with her that day. She didn't try it again after I told he how ridiculous she was being.

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 18:56

She is perfect with them otherwise. Ds is 4 and dd is 3

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 19:01

I don't want to upset her as she is of massive help to me so what should I say? I thought it was wierd

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 19/01/2012 19:02

yanbu

Feminine · 19/01/2012 19:06

That is weird.

She is being lazy ...and wanting to protect her furniture! Confused

how long will she continue to do it I wonder?

she won't be able to wrestle them on to the changing mat at 6 will she?

hard though, as she sounds quite helpful.

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 19:11

Exactly feminine! The only reason I knew she was doing it in the first place was because ds told me he doesn't like it. That was month ago and i thought it was done with. I don't get why she would do it. But them she can be a bit ott with cleaning. She still won't let them drink water in the living room. In a sippy cup. In case it spills. I thought that was quite funny really but this just isn't.

OP posts:
Fayrazzled · 19/01/2012 19:11

I would just be straight with her. Tell her your son mentioned had a sore bottom and mentioned he had worn "granny's special pants" then ask her what these are. Reiterate that you don't want them to wear nappies. See what she says.

eachpeach80 · 19/01/2012 19:12

It is very strange. But I would probably be more concerned about the fact she said she would stop but hasn't. Not sure of the best way to tackle it though...

FelicityWits · 19/01/2012 19:16

MY PARENTS DID THE SAME THING!

They also made DS2 sleep in a cot until he was 4. So he wouldn't 'wander around'.

I bought them mattress protectors like the ones we have at home. All DCs now sleep in beds though they put DS2 in bed with DD so she can 'keep an eye' on him.

FelicityWits · 19/01/2012 19:17

It was especially bizarre because my parents used to let me and my DSis wander around naked weeing wherever we wanted (early EC-ers), and they live in the same house that we grew up in.

My DCs telling them they didn't want to wear nappies anymore plus the mattress protectors worked.

bookbird · 19/01/2012 19:19

Oh dear, you're between a rock and a hard place. Putting nappies on TT DCs is not on, but I have no idea how you express this.

Feminine · 19/01/2012 19:21

This is a really difficult situation to manage.

Its not you can suck it up, because its actually very unhelpful to your children.

Normally its Granny giving out too many biscuits...

Its such a peculiar habit...

Could you put them in training pants for her visits, tell your kids not to use them (still ask for the toilet) then she would think that base was covered.
You, would still be in charge Wink

As your kids don't soil ...it would just be silly underwear for G'ma. I think your kids could do that.

SecretMinceRinser · 19/01/2012 19:22

That is weird. If he had nappy rash has he been going in the nappy then? How confusing for him.
It's not the most serious thing in the world but it would worry me that she thinks it's acceptable to be dishonest about it. I would wonder what else goes on you don't know about.
How useful is she? Does she mind them while you work?

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 19:23

Yes she still had dd in a travel cot until recently. They already have a rubber sheet on the bed from when her mother lived there so i don't think its the mattress shes worried about

OP posts:
FelicityWits · 19/01/2012 19:23

Ginger, a thought, if your DS had nappy rash does that mean he did in fact wee in the nappy?

Was he told to, do you suppose? Because that's massively undermining of his training. Or might your DM use it as 'evidence' that he needs them?

TidyDancer · 19/01/2012 19:25

Wow this is weird. I had no idea people did this!

I think you just need to face it head on. You have asked MIL not to do it, the mad old bat has continued anyway, inducing your DS to in effect lie to you. That is not acceptable. She has shown she can't be trusted and she therefore needs to know she's been caught out.

I'm usually one for saying 'free childcare, you play by their rules', but this falls well outside the remit of that. MIL's behaviour is massively out of order.

Jnice · 19/01/2012 19:28

How horrible for your kids, humiliating Sad they are having their independence taken away Sad

I would freak. The lying is the worst part. It's crucial to be able to trust caregivers. I hope you can make her see sense. Offer to clean any mess if it happens? The irony is she is making mess more likely by confusing your poor dc.

FelicityWits · 19/01/2012 19:36

I'd ask, jovially if you can cope with it, if she kept your DH in nappies and if so, until when. Might shame her a bit?

Agree with others that encouraging your DC to lie is totally unaceptable.

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 19:38

I'm assuming he must have weed in it but i don't think he would have done that out of choice. He is very independant and gets up in the night by himself to wee if he needs to so perhaps he thought he wasn't allowed to do that. The fact she has told him its special pants makes me think she has switched from normal nappies to pull ups to put me off the scent. I just don't know how to handle it she is quite sensitive

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 19:40

They are both at school nursery too and ds starts school in August so it could cause problems there too :(

OP posts:
FelicityWits · 19/01/2012 19:41

Yes Ginger I think you are right, just because my M did something so similar. Even down to using pull-ups because 'it says on the packet they can be used up to 6 years old', nevermind that my DCs were dry.

It is very very concerning that your DS may have felt he had no option but to wet himself. That could lead to confusion and accidents at home and a vicious cycle.

I think you just need to ask her why she is doing it. And if she did it with her own children. And if not, what's different. You can offer to pay for upholstery cleaning if she uses that as an excuse maybe?

TidyDancer · 19/01/2012 19:44

It doesn't matter if she is sensitive, she has already been asked not to do this, and she's gone ahead and done it. She needs to be firmly told her behaviour is not on. She is not in charge, she does not make these decisions.

I really think the only way to handle something like this is to be direct. Sit her down and tell her you are aware she put your DS in nappies and wait for her reaction. You don't need to be aggressive in confronting her, but you need to make it clear with her that you know what she's done and that she is wrong.

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 19:58

I think offering to pay for cleaning may be the way to go but she has leather couches so I suppose it would just be carpets? I need to be as gentle as possible. She is a huge help and i don't want to jeopardise it

OP posts: