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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu/wwyd mil and nappies?

47 replies

GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 18:51

Have been mulling this over all week and i wanted some opinions before i go in all guns blazing.

Mil looks after my kids fairly often for which i am very grateful. She likes having them and they like being there. It a huge help to me but i am concerned about something she does while they are there.

She puts nappies on them even though they are fully toilet trained to "save her furniture". Neither is prone to accidents, in fact I can count on one hand the occurence in the last 6 months. Neither have ever wet the bed.

Now I have already spoken to her about this and she said she would stop, however on Sunday when they returned from her house ds (4) smelled a bit weird, and when I asked him what it was he said cream. He had nappy rash and she had put some sudocrem on it I think hoping I wouldn't notice. He said he had a sore bottom from sleeping. I asked if he was wearing a nappy and at first he said yes but then when i asked again he said "oh no, granny said its not nappies its my special pants".

So, aibu to be annoyed at this and wwyd about it?

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 19/01/2012 19:59

Is she providing childcare while you work? Could you use a nursery or childminder instead? This would really bother me.

OhTheConfusion · 19/01/2012 20:15

YANBU. A huge help is one thing, but she is being cruel to the kids too.

She is encouraging them to keep secrets from you which is never a good thing :(

What does your DH say? I would not be asking, I would be politely informing her that the children are going to become confused. Im sure your 4yr old does not want a sore bottom from wearing a nappy, he is a big boy and can manage fine without. (can you imagine the pre-school conversation with the health visitor?...'mil puts the kids in nappies...')

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 20:19

No she isn't daisy. I have fibromyalgia and dh works offshore so this is time where I get to rest and catch up with housework. It is a lifesaver and the only proper rest I have which is why I am so grateful and why i am worried about rocking the boat. I live in an isolated spot too and don't drive so she often helps with shopping too. She's a bloody lovely woman and a wonderful mil and granny apart from this one silly thing

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 19/01/2012 20:26

Hmm, I can understand why you don't want to jeopardise things. Could your dh say something? Would she take it better from him? I know it's only one thing, but it's quite a big thing really IMO.

saladsandwich · 19/01/2012 20:27

could you spend a day at hers with the children rather than leave them then she might see they are toilet trained?

SecretMinceRinser · 19/01/2012 20:39

Or could she come to yours and entertain the kids/take them out somewhere then her upholstery would be safe.

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 20:45

Dh thinks its awful too but theres not much he can do i think as im probably closer to her. I do spend time there every fri we go for the afternoon and she comes over here too so she does know they are trained. I think i'll just need to bring it up and hopefully she'll realise that ds will tell me if it happens again. I hope she gets the message this time though

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 19/01/2012 20:48

Good luck, hope she mends her ways Smile

Jnice · 19/01/2012 20:50

I think you should gently put your foot down here. You can offer her to look after dc at your house if she's worried about accidents. Seriously, this could cause your dc some real toilet issues that you do not want.

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 19/01/2012 20:55

Thanks for all the support guys its great to talk to someone about it. Dh is away just now and I cant talk to him much til he comes home

OP posts:
FaithHopeAndKevin · 19/01/2012 20:57

Can they get to the toilet in the.night - is it light enough, can they reach the doorknobs.... Just trying to find a reason why your DS would have felt he had to use the nappy. Otherwise it's just Bonkers.

Primrose123 · 20/01/2012 16:25

How about buying a few nice cotton covered waterproof mattress protectors to cover her furniture, and then having a little chat with her? You could say that you are really grateful for all she does, and don't want to upset her, but ds was upset about the 'special pants' and would she be happy to cover the furniture when the children are there?

Something like this...

www.mothercare.com/Dual-Mattress-Sheet-Waterproof-Protector/dp/B002GV0ZTM?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_5&nodeId=42764041&sr=1-5&qid=1327075994&pf_rd_r=130APHKBCM6A1HZFX4FY&pf_rd_m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&pf_rd_t=301&pf_rd_i=0&pf_rd_p=231490887&pf_rd_s=center-7

(sorry can't do links)

Primrose123 · 20/01/2012 16:26

Apparently I can do links...

Miette · 20/01/2012 16:31

Could you invite her over and ask that she wears nappies to protect the furniture. "Just in case."

porcamiseria · 20/01/2012 16:32

oh but laughing at "granny said its my special pants"- cunning old biddy!!!!!

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 20/01/2012 16:36

I'd sit down with her and say that you know what's been going on and ask her why she's been doing this when they are toilet trained.

Explain that they can't stay overnight again until this stops as it's undermining their toilet training.

Almostfifty · 20/01/2012 16:46

Leather couches and she's putting them in nappies.

Tell her never again, please.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 20/01/2012 16:54

My MIL was exactly opposite. DS had bed wetting issues. He wore pull ups at night until he was 8. When he stayed over, she would take them away! "he is a big boy now, he doesn't need them". I tried to explain that this is totally normal in boys, and they make pull ups up to age 11 for a reason, but she wouldn't have it. I know for a fact that he wet the bed there, because he told me. I think this is possibly more undermining than putting them back in nappies! I was to young and weak back then to stand up to her. I sure as hell would now though!

keepingupwiththejoneses · 20/01/2012 16:59

That is a strange thing to do. You could use a bit of reverse psychology and a few fibs, by having a little talk to her along the lines of, how you are really worried as the dc's have been having lots of accidents and at first you thought it was maybe because they where wearing nappies at her house but then remembered she wasn't putting them in nappies any more Wink. Really naughty I know but might just guilt her into stopping.

gallifrey · 21/01/2012 10:59

I have a strange friend who has 2 boys aged 9 and 7, he is not with their mum so he has them stay with him in the holidays. He puts them in pull ups overnight when they are with him as apparently they are not 100% dry at night and he only has 1 set of bedding! I told you he was strange...
Their Mum tells him not to as they are fine at home but he does it anyway.

Original poster
GingerSnapsBack · 21/01/2012 11:11

How odd gallifrey! Imagine having one set of bedding. That's nasty. And the poor boys too :(

OP posts:
gallifrey · 21/01/2012 16:31

He is the master of lame excuses! They don't even have their own beds when they stay with him, they sleep in his bed and he sleeps on the sofa, honestly I despair of him sometimes!

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