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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be feeling a little upset

51 replies

ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 18:14

Bit if backstory: On/after my maternity leave I have applied for 4 days at my work instead of 5 as my son attends a music class one day a week that he loves. I have been refused every time so my DH had been taking him to the class, at first during a 'working from home' day but then he got made redundant early last year and so has still been taking DS while I have been at work. Money has been very tight as we have been basically living off savings for the past year as I earn a pittance. I have had loads of stress at work and have a very love/hate relationship with it.

Forward to now: DH has been starting to get some interviews and it looks like he may get a job very soon which is great news!
However if my work won't let me have 4 days (I'm applying by doubt they will) then I will have to leave work to look after DS and take him to his music. DS is in a lovely Nursary but I don't want him to be there full time as he loves his music so much.

AIBU to be upset at the prospect of leaving work? I should be and am happy for DH but....

OP posts:

ABatInBunkFive · 19/01/2012 18:16

squeakytoy · 19/01/2012 18:17

You are considering leaving a job for the sake of a baby liking a music class????

BuenTiempo · 19/01/2012 18:17

how old is the child?

can he not do the music in a different form i.e. home tutor in the evenings

seems a bit odd to be basing your entire lives around a music class for a toddler

CMOTDibbler · 19/01/2012 18:17

Give up work for a toddlers music class ? Really ?
He'd enjoy shaking a tambourine at home just as much you know

thepeoplesprincess · 19/01/2012 18:18

To clarify; you're giving up a full-time job to sing nursery rhymes?

RillaBlythe · 19/01/2012 18:18

Really?

needanewname · 19/01/2012 18:18

Leave work because you hate it not for a baby's music class.

TidyDancer · 19/01/2012 18:19

I'm sorry, but this can't be for real!

No one leaves a job for a baby music class.

LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 18:19

eh?

LeBOF · 19/01/2012 18:19

I find this extraordinarily difficult to believe.

Catsdontcare · 19/01/2012 18:20

As you've already been given a biscuit I will hand you a grip instead. Now I shall sit and allow my mind to boggle

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 19/01/2012 18:21

You know, if what you really want is to stay at home with your child, and your family can manage financially on your DHs wage (when he has one - why not wait until it actually happens?) then leave work and stay home with DS. It's not like people will spit on you in the street and shout Lazy Bitch everywhere you go. It is still perfectly ok for parents to either wok or not work. (except for that stupid woman from the government that time who said that sahm were "a problem" but she's just dumb and needs ignoring. harriet harperson maybe? i forget which one it was )

Dartfordmummy · 19/01/2012 18:21

that you'd give up a job just to take your nursery aged child to a music group. He probably does lots of musical things at nursery. My DS likes soft play - doesn't mean i'd give up my job just so I could take him on a Friday!!

Rindercella · 19/01/2012 18:21

How long does the singing session last for? 45 mins - 1 hour I am guessing. So you are seriously considering packing work for the sake of an hour long baby music session a week?

I promise you, your DS will get plenty of stimulation - at nursery and then at preschool and school. He will not be missing out on anything.

Out of interest, how old is your child?

Original poster

ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 19:08

My DS is 3 and the music class is not your usual kids music class which I agree he could do much better at home anyway. This is a class that teaches music fundamentals etc which guarantees kids will be able to read music by the time they start school and is the only one of it's kind in the country (google Len Tyler music school) being a semi-pro musician myself I can recognise that the 'training' they provide there is far superior to other classes. DS and I went to all the other music classes in our area (which includes the one that goes to his Nursary) and he was frankly bored by all of them and I wouldn't pay for then as could do better at home. This one enthrals him and he cries about missing it in school holidays when it is not on. (Though if he ever wanted to quit I would let him.)

The music class is not the only reason btw its also the fact that on my payscale and with DS's free hours at Nursary id actually have more money to take home doing a 4 day week than a 5!! And simply that I want to spend more quality time with my DS as he's growing up so fast and we spend so many weekends at grandparents houses (they live away from us) or doing chores that I want some time with him to myself! I won't actually be quitting my job until DH gets another one but that could be any day now then a 1 month notice for me but need to start thinking now about what to do for DS's non-Nursary day as that is also their busiest day so would not be ideal for them either.

As for if I like or loath my job - I loath a lot about my job, but the bits I do love and the people are great. Jobs come and go but your kids only get one childhood! We could survive on just DH's pay (when he gets a job) but I like my indipendance too.

At end of day I'd made up my mind to leave my job when I was refused my 4 days back in Oct 2010 but then DH got his redundancy notice just before I handed in my resignation so I decided to stay so we had at least some money coming in. I am just a bit upset at leaving my friends there. I was asking if IWBU about being upset, not about wanting my kid to carry on with something he enjoys.

OP posts:

LeBOF · 19/01/2012 19:10

Do you want to keep your job or not? I can't tell.

Choufleur · 19/01/2012 19:11

If you want to leave so you can spend more time with him fair enough. Despite how fantastic a music class it is I think you're mad to leave cos of thta. He's 3.

NinkyNonker · 19/01/2012 19:12

Well, I don't know about upset, but I think you're bonkers. Sorry.

W0rmy · 19/01/2012 19:17

He is 3, you will not 'miss the window' for him to be a great musician if you have to give up this class. If he's talented and enjoys it then structure some kind of class for him at home yourself.

To give up a job for a toddler's music class is a bit bonkers.

LeBOF · 19/01/2012 19:19

Yes, if you have some musical knowledge yourself, surely you can cobble something together?

Original poster

ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 19:20

I don't mind being bonkers - I know I am!

If my job could offer me part time I would love to stay and see how it goes but if not would rather spend time with my DS - even before the music class I wanted PT at work to spend time with him, it's just that the class is an extra reason that's giving me a guilt trip. (Suffer from depression and anxiety and also had PND when DS was born so I do tend to guilt trip myself a bit.)
Never intended to be a full time working mum!

OP posts:

LeBOF · 19/01/2012 19:26

So how have you approached work about going part-time? I thought that they were obliged to consider all reasonable requests these days?

Original poster

ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 19:27

I do intend to apply for another job that is PT (or do training so I can work at DS's music school) so I'm only giving up this particular job to avoid a messy interim and DS loosing his place in this class for when I am avaliable to take him again as they have a LONG waiting list.

OP posts:

LeBOF · 19/01/2012 19:27

I would just be concerned that you'll find it hard to get back into the workplace once he starts school, which isn't all that far off really, is it?

SarahStratton · 19/01/2012 19:27

Projecting much?

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