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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a little upset

51 replies

ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 18:14

Bit if backstory: On/after my maternity leave I have applied for 4 days at my work instead of 5 as my son attends a music class one day a week that he loves. I have been refused every time so my DH had been taking him to the class, at first during a 'working from home' day but then he got made redundant early last year and so has still been taking DS while I have been at work. Money has been very tight as we have been basically living off savings for the past year as I earn a pittance. I have had loads of stress at work and have a very love/hate relationship with it.

Forward to now: DH has been starting to get some interviews and it looks like he may get a job very soon which is great news!
However if my work won't let me have 4 days (I'm applying by doubt they will) then I will have to leave work to look after DS and take him to his music. DS is in a lovely Nursary but I don't want him to be there full time as he loves his music so much.

AIBU to be upset at the prospect of leaving work? I should be and am happy for DH but.... Sad

OP posts:
LeBOF · 19/01/2012 19:30

Sorry, what do you mean, Stratters?

Original poster
ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 19:31

Applied to work in writing by stating the financial reasons for wanting PT and quoting section 80f of the employments rights act 1996 which states the only reason I need is I have a child under 5 who I want to spend time with. Unfortunately they have always managed to 'screw me over' on it and, if it wasn't for the depression i would have fought them over it.

OP posts:
DressingGownQueen · 19/01/2012 19:39

But why does it matter if he can or cannot read music by the time he goes to school?

My ex-p is a seriously talented musician, music degrees, masters, succsesful career ect. He couldn't read music till he started his lessons aged 8.

Original poster
ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 19:41

True LeBof though once he starts school I'll be teacher training! :smile:

As for 'projecting' maybe I am, but not consciously - both DH and I are musical so DS has grown up with it. If DS chose or wanted to give up the class he could in a heartbeat, but he doesn't want to so why should he have too because of people who don't know him or us making it difficult! (incidentally these classes go in up to 7 Yrs old but you can't go beyond 5 without attending the younger classes to get the groundwork)

TBH it not about the music but about spending time with DS, I'm using the music as an excuse for myself as have NEVER been out of work since I was 15 - even at uni I had a holiday job and the whole concept is alien and scary to me even though deep down it's what I want if full time work is the only other option!

OP posts:
LeBOF · 19/01/2012 19:46

So are you applying to do teacher training? Could you use the nursery hours to get some classroom experience so you don't feel you are setting yourself backwards, career-wise?

Original poster
ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 19:53

That's a great idea LeBof! I also intend to be 'on the books' as a GCSE exam invigilator at the school if I do leave to keep my hand in. It's just the prospect of relying on someone else for money scares me!

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 19/01/2012 20:12

OK, if you're desperate to keep him in this class, how much annual leave do you have? Could you book half a day a week for a few weeks after your DH starts work, until he's accrued enough leave to do a couple, and just take it term by term? Then save your 'holiday' money to help fund your retraining period?

(I wouldn't; but then I have grumpy cloth-eared children, on the whole, and my priorities are not the same.)

Original poster
ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 20:17

Unfortunately, working in a school means I don't get any holiday days other than school hols! The school may be becoming an academy in September anyway so would have to re-apply for my job then whatever so... Don't think I'd bother so it's just deciding what's best for the next few months.

OP posts:
spottyscarf · 19/01/2012 20:23

Find a childminder or nanny who will look after him and take him to the class?

Or get pregnant and then you'll be on ML (a bit extreme unless you were already planning a 2nd child...)

spottyscarf · 19/01/2012 20:23

Find a childminder or nanny who will look after him and take him to the class?

Or get pregnant and then you'll be on ML (a bit extreme unless you were already planning a 2nd child...)

NatashaBee · 19/01/2012 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FionaBruise · 19/01/2012 20:31

actually although it sounds totally mentallistic I don't think YABU but wait till bloke definitely has the job.

MUSIC is as important to the developing brain as RRR

Original poster
ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 21:02

Reasons given were 'understaffing' though no effort was made to recruit more people and last year there were two redundancies made in our department. (Well, we were down to have two redundancies but 1 person left anyway cos she was mooving and 1 took voluntary cos was off long ter sick!) 'Would be difficult to find someone for 1 day', 'It's a full time job' (even though one other team member got PT just before I went on ML and another, who has since left, got PT 3 months after my first request was turned down because she wanted to study art at college) and the latest one was because the interim headteacher at the time 'didn't think part time members of staff were good for the kids and was cutting down on them!!!!'

We have yet another interim head at the moment (the joys of special measures) so I will def try to apply for PT again and see what happens and this time, as I am starting to recover from my depression and gave support I WILL fight if I am turned down!
Im just not too hopeful.

OP posts:
LeBOF · 19/01/2012 21:05

Good luck with it- there is some excellent advice to be had on the Employment boards.

FionaBruise · 19/01/2012 21:06

not sure now this is about the music for dc think it might be about your need for music which is just as fine

FionaBruise · 19/01/2012 21:07

we all need music

GoingForGoalWeight · 19/01/2012 21:14

Employ a carer for a couple of hours to take DS? Where is your DS whilst you are both at work?

fluffywhitekittens · 19/01/2012 21:14

Can you find someone else to job share with you?

Original poster
ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 23:05

The last time I applied I offered a jobshare with another collegue of mine but we were turned down because of the then head's views on part time staff!

OP posts:
Original poster
ProPerformer · 19/01/2012 23:06

(that collegue has since left so it's not an option now.)

OP posts:
Laquitar · 20/01/2012 01:50

Hmm everybody now is going to google the classes.

Nice advertisement op! Grin

Original poster
ProPerformer · 20/01/2012 07:29

Lol laquitar hadn't thought of it like that! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
ProPerformer · 20/01/2012 07:32

(though now you mention it maybe I should post a link to advertise!)

OP posts:
BuenTiempo · 20/01/2012 08:22

When you do your teacher trading, make a note that nursery is not spelt nursary

ranteetheranter · 20/01/2012 08:56

The excuse given that I could not do a 4 day week was that it would be difficult to find someone to cover 1 day. On that basis have you tried offering to do a 2 or 3 day week if you can afford it.