Why are women so harsh to each other? Can we learn something from men?

[perfectshadeofgrey]

This is nothing new but it makes me kind of sad.
Why are women so cruel and unforgiving to one another? There was a thread here this week about a woman who called in sick because of period pain. The OP was outraged that should be a good enough reason. Wtf?! Do we have no sympathy for other women?
A couple of similar things happened at work this week so it got me thinking about this...
Can we learn from men do you think? I've never heard my DH to complain that someone at work called in sick or slag off other men.
So IABU to think that us women should bloody learn to stand by one another?

perfectshade, you despise being a in a big group of women? You are aware this is... er... Mumsnet, no?

Oh also smiley faces don't negate saying insulting things. There's no way for me to say that without sounding impolite myself. But, really.

You sound a bit suspicious of women! Despising large groups of women? What on earth do you think they are going to do? :) Please don't go to the WI or a lesbian bar, you'll have a meltdown :)

I've heard plenty of men compare themselves or their children favourably to others. I really think this is some deep seated suspicion/ fear of women causing you to read into comments. Can you remember having some sort of early trauma around this - maybe being bullied at a Girl Guide camp or something?

I think most people, men and women are pretty nice or are nice when you treat them properly. Don't let a few idiots spoil your life.

OP why on earth are you scared/whatever of large groups of women? You sound like you notice perhaps more than normal whether comments come from men or women.

I think women more often make personal remarks about other women, because they are not afraid of being seen as (or actually being) pervy/overinterested etc - it's the stereotype of masculinity that men just don't notice someone's hair/clothes/child/lifestyle choice, so many men stick to it. SOME of the remarks will be nice, others not so. But maybe consider that it's nice that other women are interested enough to know/care about your child's development. For every shit remark you may have had from a woman, you've probably had a hundred "haven't they grown!" or "look what lovely hair he has" or "isn't he clever, doing that all by himself", also from women.

Gawd you should hear the competitive "dadding" that goes on here - it really is quite spiteful!

OP doesn't appear to be interested in reading about some men being just as shit as women though so I feel like I'm wasting my typing!

And I guess as a women in a large group of women that I'm being despised anyway!

Plenty of dads DO do it as well. My mum has an acquaintance whose wife was pregnant at the same time as she was - apparently he was competing even before birth and STILL when he sees her tries to compare my job with that of his son. Tis ridiculous.

I work in all-male (apart from me) envionment and there is no bitchiness at all between the men.They rib each other, sure.But no nastiness like you would almost certainly get in a workplace with 14 women !

Mojito, yes it was all fine. I thought it would be because DH didn't walk until he was 2 and it has not caused him any problems. I also felt sorry for my friend who had 2 under 2 and the younger one did walk really early. She would say, 'look, look, he is pulling himself up on the sofa!' as if it was the most horrifying thing ever, because she knew she would have to contend with two roaming about.

Perfect, I've heard the pro/anti nursery comments on rare occasions outside of MN. I just see it as their issue, not mine.

I've worked in some fucking lovely all female environments. But then I'm pretty fucking lovely me.

Shirley - I know shit men and I know shit women. In my experience women are the bitchier of the two.
By despising large grouop of women I was thinking of a recent hen do I've been to. 30 women in a house in the country for the whole weekend. Maybe because I din't know that many women there but it was awful. Comparing designer clothes and trying to out do each other over how great their Dc are/ how much they can afford to spend on stuff etc. Didn't enjoy it at all.

Possibly, if men are more likely to resort to violence, bitchiness is avoided as it may escalate into a broken nose ?

I remember a friend in LA telling me there is very little road rage there as you never know who has a gun in the glove compartment. Same thing sort-a

I think ( generalizing ) that women are more community thinking / behaving and find themselves in groups of women more often, with topics that invite more opinion, where as men are more insular and seek out individualistic pursuits like fishing or interests like cars.

Men do things like go in to work and say fuck off you fat, bald cunt and kick off at each other like that all day. Sometimes as banter but then if they actually dont like someone that means you can get away with saying whatever you like to them.

My manager and i were discussing this a bit ago about how our DHs dont get how you cant do this in female jobs if someones pissing you off!

I think the problem there is probably hanging out with people who are a bit shit. Why do it?

But if you do have a point, I think that women are often encouraged to put other women down BY some men. They seem to find it hilarious, and who can blame them, to watch the underlings fight each other, haw haw haw.

If I really ponder this - leading on from Mr Gins point - this so-called bitchiness is perhaps the sort of passive aggression that women can be prone to, precisely because we are not brought up to punch our enemies or to tell them directly what we think. Maybe men do mostly aggressive agression and they don't bottle things up. Maybe bitchiness is a kind of inhibited competing that is the result of social conditioning?

I still can't agree that "14 women" would cause more bother than 14 men or a mixed group. I still think the major factor in other peoples behaviour towards you is the behaviour you are projecting out.

I think its true as what Dh says when they have arguments at work they call each other names and start slamming about in a huff. You cant do it in all female jobs but its common place in mens.

I'd like to learn to pee standing up from men. Not sure I have the right equipment, though.

You don't need men for that, Chickens. You just need one of these.

Coo. Do you tape it to your nethers and wear it under your clothes? It looks a bit phallic. I could pose and scratch myself in a manly way

I do think men are more straight with each other whereas womena re a bit more complicated, they don't like to say no etc but men can be quite competitive with one another and blunt.

i manage men & they are definitely complicated!

they will say yes in a way that means no. say they understand something when they dont....

I'm not reading the whole thread, but I did read the other thread and I wanted to point out to the OP that the OP of the original thread didn't sound at all outraged, she was genuinely asking for advice and opinions which she then took on board.

Please be more careful.

I don't think it is just women. I think western society has encouraged people to care less about fellow man, to lack empathy. To be rude and vindictive. To get ahead.

on an anonymous forum where people don't even have to pretend to be kind and thoughtful, I have seen shocking behaviour

Isn't it more about posters wanting to release tension by having a go at anonymous people? Sometimes you just want to let it all out and even say things you don't really mean just to get some indignance (word?) off your chest then walk away from it.

YABU to generalise about men and women on the basis of your experience.

IME women can be both bitchier and kinder than men. I do think they whinge less though.