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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are women so harsh to each other? Can we learn something from men?

74 replies

perfectshadeofgrey · 18/01/2012 15:17

This is nothing new but it makes me kind of sad.
Why are women so cruel and unforgiving to one another? There was a thread here this week about a woman who called in sick because of period pain. The OP was outraged that should be a good enough reason. Wtf?! Do we have no sympathy for other women?
A couple of similar things happened at work this week so it got me thinking about this...
Can we learn from men do you think? I've never heard my DH to complain that someone at work called in sick or slag off other men.
So IABU to think that us women should bloody learn to stand by one another?

OP posts:
CamberwickGreen · 18/01/2012 15:46

Yes men, so lovely with each other that they are overwhelmingly responsible as a gender for warfare, rape and violence towards each other (and women).

you obviously havent been out in the town on a friday night lately LOL - the women are far worse than the men ime

ArtexMonkey · 18/01/2012 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunshineandbooks · 18/01/2012 15:49

According to the British Crime Survey men are overwhelmingly more likely to be both the perpetrators and the victims of street violence.

In domestic situations women far, far outnumber male victims of violence. 1 in 4 women will experience DV and 1 in 9 will be raped. 2 women a week are killed by a partner or ex-partner (compared to 2 a month for men).

cory · 18/01/2012 15:51

ime men complain just as much if they suspect that a colleague (male or female) is not pulling their weight

and just like women, they are sometimes justified in their complaints and sometimes not

in my own workplace the person who moans most about the incompetence etc of colleagues happens to be a man; in my last workplace it was a woman

I don't think in either place, the colleagues were particularly incompetent: it's just a personality question

porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 15:52

oh for fucks sake, the OP you refer to for me was a blatant case of excuse making. you are talking SHIT!!!!! sorry but men are just as bad

and commit more murders, rape and torture

mojitomania · 18/01/2012 15:54

I'm saying that in me experience I've met with women being bitchy about each other but not men

Apparently men process things differently?

izzybiz · 18/01/2012 15:55

I read this on FB the other day, it made me smile.

Men communicate with each other by slapping one another on the back and punching on the arm, they don't mean it.

Women communicate with eachother by saying nice things about one another, they don't mean it either!

ShirleyForAllSeasons · 18/01/2012 15:55

You've got to be kidding! I work in an all male environment and believe me, men can be just as "bitchy" as women.

They all talk about each other behind their backs only they have the added element of being complete bastards to each others' faces as well. Lots and lots of really nasty pranks, no sympathy or empathy EVER about ANYTHING to each other, and lots of jostling for position.

Not ALL men are this way obviously, the same way that not all women are judgemental about each others' choices and blah blah blah.

I think it's HUMAN nature not confined to women.

Lueji · 18/01/2012 15:56

Men, for a start, don't have periods.
They have the flu.
And all of them know how serious that is.
So, none of them would complain about if a colleague missed work for that reason.

Women, on the other hand, have different degrees of periods.

;-)

mojitomania · 18/01/2012 15:58

oh for fucks sake, the OP you refer to for me was a blatant case of excuse making. you are talking SHIT!!!!! sorry but men are just as bad

Is this necessary? why do so many threads turn into this sort of thing. The OP is asking a question, that's all Confused

ClothesOfSand · 18/01/2012 15:58

I have found most women to be very supportive. I don't see that there is an issue here.

MrGin · 18/01/2012 16:00

why do so many threads turn into this sort of thing. The OP is asking a question, that's all

As a casual observer, I've got to admit I'm often bewildered at how fast threads on MN can descend into cattiness. .

Original poster
perfectshadeofgrey · 18/01/2012 16:01

Art - I do have positive relationships with women although I've always had a lot male friends and absolutely despise large groups of women :)
In terms of 'bitchy' women , I experienced some amongs mothers. Some can be very harsh when it comes to parenting styles and their DC achievements ( 'OUR DC has been walking since he was 9 months, your DC is really quite late isn't he' that sort of thing) . Never heard a father say that.

OP posts:
ShirleyForAllSeasons · 18/01/2012 16:02

You despise large groups of women?

Original poster
perfectshadeofgrey · 18/01/2012 16:05

I despise being in a large group of women (such as an all female party) - would drive me nuts :)

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 16:05

It was the phrase "can we learn from men" that annoyed me, and that annoyance tinted my response into being so RUDE

blonderthanred · 18/01/2012 16:06

By all means learn from your DH if he is a kind, compassionate man. Unfortunately that doesn't extend to all men but there are plenty out there.

Same goes for women. Just take your lessons from the ones you want to be like. There are plenty of loyal, sympathetic types around.

Funny how women are cast as the 'caring' sex when it suits and the 'bitchy' one when it doesn't. It's like we're all living in a Daily Fail article.

ClothesOfSand · 18/01/2012 16:06

I don't think that the walking comment is bitchy. DD didn't walk until she was 2. People did comment that she was late walking. I didn't mine them asking me about it; it would have been ridiculous to pretend she wasn't a late walker.

Perhaps what some women could do with learning is to stop imagining insults and to be more positive towards people who are good at something, particularly when that person is somebody else's much loved child.

SolpadeineMaxed · 18/01/2012 16:07

But we could learn from some men, not from all.

mojitomania · 18/01/2012 16:10

Think most of us still have a lot to learn Sad

Original poster
perfectshadeofgrey · 18/01/2012 16:12

Maybe the walking example wasn't the best one.
I've heard a mum say: 'Oh are you really putting your DC into a nursery so young? I could never do that. How can you do it to him?'
I'm sorry that to me is a bitchy comment and not very considerete of the other perosn's circumstances.
Maybe Clothes is right and we should stop imagining insults.

OP posts:
MitchierInge · 18/01/2012 16:13

best example of bitchiness so far is the whole premise of this thread

everything else is just examples of social interaction

yellowraincoat · 18/01/2012 16:14

Men are just as bitchy as women.

What ArtexMonkey said above about projecting is so true. I've seen two threads started on here recently where people have said "why can't we all just be NICE to each other" and the OPs were two of the people who are always mouthing off on here.

porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 16:14

look people can be shit, and each gender has their own special field. nuff said!

but I will concede some mummys have some shocking comments, my neighbour has come our with some gems too the bitch

mojitomania · 18/01/2012 16:15

ClothesOfSand - your gorgeous daughter was just concentrating other skills. She walked when she was ready is all.

My friends DS started walking at 8 months, I found that scary. Reminded me of the dancing baby off of Ally McBeal Grin

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