to have pulled out this arrangement?

[BobMarley]

A school mum mentioned that she had a space for her DD at the sports club that my DD1 attends (DD's are best friends) and maybe we could alternate weeks with bringing them there. Great I said and excited for my DD that her friend was also going to go too.

Then a day later she mentions that her DS will also be going. Ok, didn't realise that when I agreed to the arrangement but my DD2 is also waiting for a space and will probably get one soon so it will all even out, although I am a bit hesitant to be in charge of four children (her DS can sometimes be a bit of a handful although not dramatically so). I would be picking them all up from the school and walking them to my house and get them changed and then drive to the sports centre and drop her children off on the way back. She would do the same with my two children every other week.

She then mentions yesterday that her older DS (who is 9) will be having swimming lessons during the same time and assuming that I'll be alright taking him too. At no moment did she mentions that she was planning to do this or ask if I'm actually alright with it.

So last night I felt quite manipulated about the whole thing and somehow the arrangement went from taking one child to taking three and sent her a text this morning that I'm not comfortable taking five children and I'll just be bringing my own children every week. Haven't had a response yet.

AIBU?

No way would I be doing this. One child would be fine, but not three. She is taking the piss and you need to say 'No'.

YANBU, but it would have been better to talk face to face, rather than text.

Is your car even big enough for 6? Is hers?

YANBU - she should have been clear from the begining about her expectations.

Do you have room for all these children in your car?

We both have 7-seaters so that is not really a problem. And yes I should have spoken to her face-to-face but I was worried she would somehow talk me into doing it anyway and really don't want to.

are you expected to feed them as well as it seems a long time to go without having any food

Cor some people don't mind do they?
yanbu

YANBU, your friend is taking the mickey. No wonder she is so keen to make arrangements when it will work out more beneficial for her than for you!

I try to steer clear of this kind of thing as it inevitably ends up becoming awkward or one sided. You have done the right thing.

I think text is often a good way to say something like that, as you get time to think about what you want to say before you press send and there is less chance of your friend "persuading" you to do what she wants like there would be if you were face to face

YANBU

YADNBU One child - yes, as reciprocal. Two children - starting to take the mick but not the end of the world. Three children - out and out pisstake.

I'm impressed at you standing your ground and telling her straight away that you can't do this. Much better than doing it reluctantly and it becoming a real issue.

CamberwickGreen - not sure actually, don't think so, maybe a snack when picking them up from school. My two have a hot school dinner on this day for this reason and I usually make them sandwiches for in the car on the way back from the sports club.

No - you did not buy into their whole family. You did right.

Thanks MrsKwazii at saying you're impressed. I didn't think I was being unreaasonable and normally do not have a problem saying 'no'. However, this is the mum of my DD1's best friend and I think she might be a bit off with me so wanted to test on MN that I'm definitely not being petty about this!

YABU

Having said the I share the school run with a friend and the times I don't have to do it more than makes up for taking her two (in addition to having my three in the car) even if it is a little hectic

I'd be tempted to say something along the lines of that you sometimes drop another couple of children off/pick up so you can't agree to taking all three as there's no room in the car. I wouldn't make a fuss about the first ds who's going to the same group, particuarly as if your dd2 starts going then you'll be wanting her to do two children.

DeWe - to clarify I didn't have a particular issue with taking her younger DS because as you rightly say she is going to take my two in the near future too. Although she has been on a waiting list for 6 months so could easily be another few months. It was adding her older DS and not being upfront about it in the first place. I might have actually said yes if I had a choice in it. I just really felt manipulated into it.

It's quite an ask, even if you were very good friends. She should've checked rather than assumed.

Cross posted. Exactly, it's the railroading that's unreasonable.

SaraBellumHertz I don't think your situation is the same as you only pick up and drop off. BobMarley will have to take her friends three plus her own two and walk home/provide snacks then take them all to the sports centre, then take all 5 of them back. It's a much bigger ask.

YADNBU.

YANBU... although if she'd ASKED rather than assumed maybe you could both have found a workable solution, like for example, sorting your own kids each! If I had a 7 seater I probably would do it, so long as there'd be no swim changing or too much hands on car as it would only be every other week.

But its nice to be asked rather than railroaded and for that reason YANBU to take the unreasonable measure of using text. :)

The older DS that will be going swimming is 9 and can sort himself out so wouldn't actually be that much more work. This is why a part of me wonders whether I'm being a bit unreasonable about saying that I don't want to. However, there have been some (minor) issues in the past where she expects people to do things without checking if people are actually ok with it.

I still haven't figured out whether she genuinely thinks people won't mind or that she is just being a bit crafty with offloading her children on other people!

For about five years, I used to take my three DCs to swimming lessons (big pool, all lessons took place in the same half hour). My DD's best friend also went to the same pool in the same slot with her sister. I used to love this one half hour, when I could sit and chat to DD's best friend's mum whilst watching the swimming lesson. Not enough time to do anything else, so it was very relaxing. Yes, we could have shared lifts, but I think we both just valued this time to sit and do nothing except catch up on what had been going on in each other's lives. Try suggesting you might manage something along the same lines.

Scholes34 it is funny you should say that. I just bumped in to her at school pick-up and although initially a bit awkward we decided we'll just have coffee instead and catch-up. So all is well and I'm really glad I just said I was uncomfortable with it in the first place rather than have built-up resentment.