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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to wonder whether DD yr 7 is old enough to be on her own in school holidays?

56 replies

daisie4 · 18/01/2012 12:47

I'm not sure at what age children stop going to holiday activity clubs, and if they don't go what do they do.

I'm struggling to find interesting clubs for my dd. I'll be out from 9.00 to 4.00 - what age do you think its okay to leave dc on their own, and do you set guidelines on what they should do or let them watch Glee all day in their pjs?

OP posts:

WinterIsComing · 18/01/2012 13:05

Doubt I could leave my DD 11 alone all day, she has no inner resources whatsoever and has even been known to say of the internet that, "there's nothing on it"

She could probably veg in front of the Disney Channel all day however

Depends on the child. I would happily spend every Sunday at home alone reading my mum's Virginia Andrews novels improving and worthy books and generally loved having the house to myself but DD is different.

Maybe you could sort of structure the day for her?

TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 18/01/2012 13:05

Depends on the child. Mine were left during the school hols once they got to Year 7, but I tried not to leave them for more than a day or two at a time, just because they got so bored.

Original poster

daisie4 · 18/01/2012 13:05

So sorry, should have said dd's age, she's 12 and sensible, I wouldn't leave her all week, just odd day maybe one or two days a week (I only work 3). The summer holidays are easier as there tend to be lots of sport and drama clubs, its half terms that I struggle with. But 7 hours seems like a long time and I just wondered what other families did.

OP posts:

Tiggles · 18/01/2012 13:05

I think for days on end through a holiday that is a bit too much for an 11 year old (fine for the odd day)- she might be bored at holiday clubs, but surely being at home alone would be worse?

mrspnut · 18/01/2012 13:06

I left my daughter from the end of year 6, but I worked 9-3 and still arranged quite a few visits to her friend's houses.

I would ask your daughter what she wants to plan for the holidays, I'm presuming you're looking at feb half term to begin with.
It may be that she has ideas of things she can do, swimming with friends, town etc.

ShirleyForAllSeasons · 18/01/2012 13:07

It is crap that once they hit 12 the "daycare" all dries up.

My DS2 will be too old for the club that runs in our local leisure centre this year and I'm dreading leaving him home alone - although he does have an older brother.

It's so stupid - there's all this shit about "feral yoof" and yet no provision made for yound teenagers at all.

Jins · 18/01/2012 13:09

My two would have refused to go to a holiday club because they are seen as being for little kids. You know, primary age, about 4 months younger than they were at the time

It's all about being grown up in Year 7

Foxinsocks · 18/01/2012 13:09

what we normally do is that if we need to leave dd for that length of time (for whatever reason), she goes over to her friend's house (where there's an adult around, even if they then go to the cinema on their own, at least I know someone's got an idea of where they are and what they are up to).

We have full childcare anyway but it's the odd weekend when ds has some miles away sports tournament that is really pointless for her to go to (and dh works weekends).

I then return the favour at some point etc. etc.

Arcticwaffle · 18/01/2012 13:12

I leave my yr7 dd for half days at a time, or for the evening, but not whole days, I think she'd be safe enough, she's sensible and used to being home alone, but she would get a bit lonely and find the day rather long.

We have quite flexible jobs, so I usually arrange for one of us to be home for at least half the day, and I book her into clubs and activities, which she really likes, or arrange some reciprocal care with one of her friends' parents. My yr7 will happily go to watersports activity days or weeks, or art/craft days. or away with her youth group. I

titchy · 18/01/2012 13:14

I would let her stay on her own for maybe 1 day a week this year, then 2 days a week once she's in year 8. DD (yr 8) is left on her onw for INSET days and a couple of days each holiday week now when ds is elsewhere. She sleeps till 10.30 anyway, and y the time she's got drerssed it's lunchtime and I'm home a couple of hours later anyway. Or she arranges to get the train to see friends (middle of nowhere here)

Ipomegranate · 18/01/2012 13:14

I will have to leave my Y7 DS when I (hopefully) get a job and the school holiday thing bothers me too. Will try and have a reciprocal arrangement with a friend and her same age son and will (again hopefully) be only working part-time. DS is only 11, not 12 until August. He does actually love being left alone and likes the independence but I think a whole day would be very boring for him.not to mention the mess the house would be in when I got home

I'll have even more of a problem when DD gets to that age as although she's more mature than her big brother she really hates being left alone and won't let me leave her for a few minutes even if DS is around.

It seems ridiculous that there's nothing about for this age group.

titchy · 18/01/2012 13:14

Oh and she has to text me when she's up, and if she's going somewhere, and once she's arrived.

5Foot5 · 18/01/2012 13:18

"It is crap that once they hit 12 the "daycare" all dries up."

Well I used to think that when DD was about to start secondary school and, like an earlier poster, wondered if this was a gap in the market.

But TBH when the time came with DD she was more than happy to stay at home alone and as she was always a fairly sensible kid I was fine to leave her. In fact when another Mum gave us details of a holiday club she could have gone to with her daughter DD was adament she didn't want to be enrolled in any clubs.

In short I think it does depend on the child bit IME Y7 home alone can be fine.

Clownsarescary · 18/01/2012 13:20

They stay in bed half the morning at that age at least mine did.

I think she'll be absolutely fine, and she may make plans to see friends anyway.

mummytime · 18/01/2012 13:22

All day (if you work quite long hours) might be a bit much, but can she organise activities eg. going to visit friends? And can you keep in contact via mobile?
If she isn't doing something I would think she would be bored, and might get a bit spooked.
But couldn't you arrange things so for instance: she get a lie in, then gets up grabs some lunch (or a Sandwich you've left), then goes swimming with a friend for the afternoon. You phone when she needs to get up, lunch time and maybe 4 pm ish?
However there are some clubs for that age group organised around here, even during half-term.

Original poster

daisie4 · 18/01/2012 13:31

Thanks for all your replies, I'm thinking maybe one day at half term but encourage her to see local friends. Her friends from school live about a mile away, so she'll need to hook up with primary school friends. I do find it very difficult to let go and I think the boredom thing is going to be tough too.

Last year I paid a Post grad to look after her with her friend which worked well as they didn't seem like a babysitter, but they've all got jobs now.

OP posts:

mummytime · 18/01/2012 16:31

A mile isn't very far away! My kids meet up with friends who live 2-6 miles away (admittedly we are usually lucky because we live near town so my house is the base).

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 18/01/2012 16:38

Times ave changed, I was left alone from aged 5 if I was ill, inset days etc because mother worked and we didn't have a phone to arrange anybody tho the neighbour would pop her nose in.

I think she'll be fine, but ultimately it depends on how sensible she is.

NinkyNonker · 18/01/2012 16:47

Not all day, no. There is no saying what she would do, both in and out of the house.

cory · 18/01/2012 18:01

I am fine with leaving Yr 7 child alone at halfterm- it's only a week so no tragedy if they don't actually do much- but would find it unkind for the whole of the summer holidays.

Mrsrobertduvall · 18/01/2012 18:28

My dcs arrange their own entertainment in the hols ...I only work term time but don't get involved in their arrangements. I just ask what they will be doing over the next few days. They are 12 and 15.
They've never done holiday clubs...just had friends round/gone to the park/shopping etc.

Original poster

daisie4 · 18/01/2012 18:50

A mile is quite a long way when I've left her at home and she has to get there and back by herself isn't it? She walks that far to school, but so are lots of other children at the same time and its the same route every day. She's never walked to friends as I've always driven her there. We live in a city so lots of traffic etc. Am I being precious?

OP posts:

mrspnut · 18/01/2012 19:03

My daughter walks 3 or more miles to get to her friends houses, although we do live in a village.
She has walked home from the city before now when she has spent all her money and there is no one about to give her a lift and that is 5 and a bit miles.

foreverondiet · 18/01/2012 19:05

I think too young for all day TBH. Fine for a couple of hours.

Lonnie · 18/01/2012 19:10

I would if the child is sensible and is able to get through to adults close by if any issues. I have never needed to myself but body dd1 (14) and dd2 (12) have been left alone for 3-4 hours without trouble. I work close by (walking distance) so if they have issues they can come down to me. Hasnt been needed usually they are only just getting up as I get home at 12

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