To want a bit of attention for dc2..

[tholeon]

Had dd a week ago. Also have a ds, who is two and a half. He came after years of infertility and now having them both is all i have ever wanted, and I know how lucky I am. But am also of course shattered - breast feeding every two hours night and day, and ds though lovely is also pretty wearing, and wants me all the time, not dh. So am also pretty tearful and emotional. Anyhow, when ds was born we got loads of attention, cards and flowers and presents. In comparison there has hardly been anything for dd. And i would like there to be! I don't mean i want expensive presents - I guess more that messages of affection - and yes attention - would help me get through the emotional exhausted bit. Dh says I am being spoilt - and am aware it is not a biggie in the grand scheme of things - but still... I always get cards and gifts for second and third babies, even when was feeling bitter and twisted cos I couldn't have my own. A I b u?

I felt a bit like this was DD was born. After DS we had loads of cards and gifts for him, very little for DD though.
Without wanting to sound patronising it is probably your hormones and tiredness making you feel so upset about it and in a few weeks, months, it really wont be important.
My DD is 22 months old now and she definitely doesn't let people ignore her now!

Congratulations, but I would say you are being a teeny bit unreasonable.

Put it into a positive light, that your son would be a bit confused wondering why his little sister was getting loads of fuss, and he wasnt getting cards and presents. He is the one who will notice.. not his little sister!

I felt a bit like this too after DS2 was born. He didn't even get a card from my PIL! I was all compounded when he was hospitalised with meningitis at 10 days old. I think DH had a word, as there was a card pretty sharpish from PIL then!

I would try not to get upset about it. It's just one of those things. YANBU or spoilt though!

When my ds was born prem no-one even said congratulations in rl. No cards, no balloons, no flowers. It made me very

YANBU.

YANBU you are just being hormonal. get a few friends round for lunch (all from a packet, quiche salad etc) and i am sure you will feel a bit more positive. my third child was born and i even had people unaware that i had 3 or that he had even been born!

Same thing happened here.
First DC after infertility - huge fuss , literally hundreds of cards. DD2 two years later and barely anything. Even my mum and sister didn't get anything for the baby.
I understand why it's not as exciting for others but it feels sad for the 2nd DC.

YANBU. Each baby is special not just the first so why do people, even those who are very close to you and even related to the baby act like they don't give a shit?! . . . er well that's what happened to me.

It's not hormones, my youngest is 3 and it still pisses me off! He is just gorgeous (as was my oldest and as are they all) but there was hardly any fuss. This particularly grated from the ILs who practically hung banners from the hospital when their daughter had her second baby, but then my DH (their son) and I had ours they -
A. didn't want to look after my oldest so that DH could be at the hospital with me during my horrific labour despite having done the same for their daughter.
B. didn't visit at the hospital so we didn't have anyone to take dc1 for a little walk or anything despite having been there as much as their daughter needed them, fetching nappies and stuff etc.
C. didn't help out at all during the pregnancy even though I was very high risk and practically begged for help. Were there as much as their daughter needed them.
D. Did eventually look after dc1 during my labour but insisted that DH pick them up IMMEDIATELY after I had given birth so they could go shopping (found out it was actually so they could look after their daughters kids instead, they lied).

I have no family to help, they know this. Fucking arseholes!

our DD was 3 when the twins came........ i put a note on the front door (it stayed for over a month) saying Please say hello to DD when you come in and ask her if she would mind showing you her new babies.

It made all visitors stop and have a chat with DD before she led them to her babies - kudos to those who bought DD a little prezzie/smarties as well as the twins somthing :)

We had no help from friends/family (despite my mum having twins so she must of known how bloody hard/tiring it was). I hope it will get easier for you soon. My twins fell into a routine with DD at about 6 weeks - they also both started sleeping 11 -6 at this time on their own.

congratulations on your new addition xx

Congratulations! And no, I don't think YABU. I felt the same way after DS2 was born - hardly anyone sent a card - many of our close friends didn't bother. His bl**dy grandparents and aunt in America didn't send a thing, yet they bombarded us with stuff for DS1 (we were living near them at the time, so I realise it's different and he was their PFB grandchild, but still). I felt hurt and upset at the time, but I think second and subsequent children get overlooked when it comes to general excitement about their arrival. I remember seeing the pile of cards my mother received after she me (huge) and the much smaller one she received after my sister was born. It's just the way things are. Apparently third babies get even less recognition

I think it's to do with gifts and attention for starting a family.

YANBU I kept all the cards received for both DCs and put them in their memory boxes. I'm dreading the day when DD asks me why she doesn't have as many cards as DS.

My mum said she felt like this when I was born. DB was 17 months and had had loads of attention as the PFB, but when I came along it seemed only the grannies cared! She remembers feeling a bit sad about it.

If it helps, it didn't really affect me!

Interesting! OP YANBU, congrats on your new addition.

I'm due DC2 and was curious about how many cards and gifts we might get when she or he is born. When DC1 was born I could have papered my entire house with the huge amount of cards we got.

I've heard the excuse that "the novelty has worn off" by the time a 2nd child comes along, but I think that is cheeky and wrong.

Thanks all am glad you don't all think am being spoilt! Will try to stop getting hope up when postman comes to avoid being disappointed! X

I felt exactly the same when DS was born. He'd had a sticky start, had to be resuscitated and spent some time in scbu. We received far fewer cards/gifts for him than we had for dd. It wasn't about the gifts/cards themselves but I really felt that he was largely overlooked and felt utterly unsupported by our friends and family.

We ended up going to our local toddler group the morning after we came out of hospital just because I knew the folk who run it would be pleased that he'd arrived and celebrate both our children in a way I felt our family and friends didn't.

yanbu this happens a lot. understandable in a way but it is a bit sad really, especially from family

Congratulations OP!
I do not think yabu at all. We were showered with gifts, cards, attention on the birth of ds1 and indeed throughout the Pregnancy.
Very little interest shown throughout the pregnancy with ds2, neither of the grannies knitted despite having done so for ds1, which hurt. When he arrived we were positively underwhelmed. He was very ill and needed 6 days in nicu then another week in a hdu at 11 days old. The lack of cards, texts, phone calls, visits etc really stung. I wasn't expecting close family to treat two children so differently and took it as a rejection of my then frail, tiny baby. Tbh I've never forgiven my mother for her lack of interest.

Nope dont think you're BU at all.

When I had my DC2 in the middle of last year no one came to visit. We have no family close by and my BIL was having a major health crisis so the IL's couldn't come up straight away. My parents live overseas, so could only phone and skype so I really could have done with a friendly face dropping by to coo at the new baby and ask me how I am. It took a major crisis of our own a few days later to bring people around, and lovely and very very appreciated as it was, it wasn't quite the same as someone just dropping by to visit.
I know some of it was people not wanting to intrude, but I also think people do forget that additional babies are just as special as the first and it's often harder as there are other children wanting attention you can't give them so well.

Congratulations on you beautiful new DD xx

Methe I was exactly the same, DS is now 15 weeks but arrived 8 weeks early, I got no cards, no flowers, nothing. I remember breaking down in Asda when he was 2 weeks old and still in NICU because no-one had brought me a balloon with 'It's a Boy!' on and everyone else on the post-natal ward had balloons. Saying that, everyone else also had a baby, mine was in NICU.

I was (and still am a bit TBH) also very upset that DH brought me a crappy bunch of chrysanths, which he knows I don't like. He even left the receipt in the bag, so I knew they were £3 from Morrisons. Still haven't quite forgiven him but know he was in almost as much shock as I was!

After mine was born, all the hospital staff would take one look around my room and knowingly say 'firstborn?'. Apparently second time rounders never get balloons, flowers, enormous teddies, big bags and boxes of goodies and 50 very excited visitors every day. Dp left every evening with whatever he could carry and it took us about an hour to clear the room on the day we left.

I was warned by the staff to expect nothing if I ever have a second

I think most people get excited by your transition from non-parent to parent status - so the first child will always be the most exciting just becauses of the changes it will bring.

YANBU, but the interest definately wanes with each child.
Huge [flowerrs], and for you, and I'm afraid you'll have to have a virtual teddy for DC2 cos the pombear smiley has gone whilst I wasn't looking.

Grr.
That was my second go at spelling the word too!

Oh I give up.

Have a virtual bunch of flowers and I shall wander off hanging my head in disgrace. I never get my head round writing "thanks" for the flowers one,

See actually I think it's the opposite. When friends have their second babies I always wait until a couple of days later to congratulate/give gifts as I think they will want the first few days getting used to the adjustment of a new person.

No ill feeling, just trying to be considerate and caring for new mum and baby.

I bet in a couple of weeks you will be littered with gifts and cards.