AIBU about best friend being secretive?

[Elefriend]

we have been friends since childhood, sometimes not very close, she works in childcare sector so i understand about confidentiality but she has been stressed with a work situation but says she cant tell me about it, i understand but as her best mate i feel abit put out that she doesnt trust me that i wont talk about it with anyone else

what do u think, maybe im being too insensitive?

yabu - she is a professional and the rules state that she mustn't discuss what goes on. My close friend is manager of a nursery, sometimes things happen and she can talk about it loosely but not matter of fact - I accept that as should you!

YABU to press her. She's said she doesn't want to tell you so leave it. She's not being secretive, she's being loyal to those involved in the situation.

YABVU, how would you feel if your child was involved in an incident and their childminder/nursery nurse was blabbing about it to a third party, the confidentiality is there to protect vulnerable children.

YABU - it has nothing to do with trusting or not trusting you. It has to do with doing what she has promised and keeping things confidential. It wouldn't be very fair of her to expect you to keep something to yourself when she couldn't manage it anyway!

YABU. She's being professional, not secretive and if you are such a close friend it'd be helpful to understand and respect this.

YABU

My ex SIL was a Doctor's receptionist at the very local GP surgery.

She wouldn't tell anyone in the family anything about the medical history/records/ailments of other people.

Where I worked you had to sign a confidentiality agreement (pretty much just part of the employment contract you sign) and you could lose your job if anything you leaked came back to you. Apart from that aspect, it's simply not right to share sensitive information with anyone not directly involved. I won't even tell a social worker down the phone because I can't be truly sure who I am speaking to. They got annoyed with the delay but my boss backed me up.

Try to provide support in a different way if you can.

If I were you, I'd make sure she knew that I was there if she ever needed someone to just chill out with. Perhaps you could suggest a drink at the weekend? But don't pressure her to tell you what is going on, because confidentiality surrounding children is a serious business and she could risk losing her job if she told you anything. Part of her pressure could be that she wants to offload but feels she can't. In that case I'd advise her to speak to her manager about it or someone else who is equally involved.

She'll appreciate you as a friend if you don't put more pressure on her to break her confidentiality promise and you just provide a welcome distraction instead.

If my bf was pressuring me to break a confidence then I wouldn't think very highly of them at all.

YABU and very unfair too if you are putting emotional pressure on her to get her to spill the beans.

YAB totally U. If she is really stressed, she needs support not pressure. How would it help her to talk to you? She then just puts her own job at risk as well as having to deal with the situation itself.

YABU, if you were a good friend you would respect her confidentiality without question.

YABU. A friend of mine got her first job post-uni at GCHQ, and refused to give me some details on the boring every day issues in her job that I asked her about in conversation, as you would anyone who had just started a new job. She wasn't allowed to tell me as she'd signed the Official Secrets Act, and this covered some of these very boring matters. I was a bit at first, as I did feel that she was calling into question my ability to keep a secret, but she was just being very professional and taking her job seriously. So just get over it and leave your friend be. You can offer some support for the stressful situation she's in, but you don't need to know details.

good grief

Could you not say 'I can see that there is something on your mind. I know you can't talk about it, but is there anything else I can do to help?' Sometimes just the offer of help is a godsend. 'I'm here if you need me' is another good one.

I'm very pleased to learn that she isn't prepared to break confidentiality, even though she badly needs someone to talk to. She is very professional.

You should respect and admire that.

She isn't being 'secretive', she is being professional.

Encourage her to talk to her manager, there must be appropriate support for her to access.

eh ?

why do you need to know the details, she cannot tell you

can't you be supportive without coming as frankly, nosy ?

She's not being secretive if she's not allowed to share details. Before we were married DH had a job which he couldn't really talk about. I just learnt to not ask and then he wouldn't feel like he ought to tell. Didn't mean I couldn't be supportive though.

Its not eing secretive, i work in a school and there can be child protection issues which i wouldnt dream if divulging to anyone. A good gossip i do like, but i wouldnt dream of discussing anything sensitive regarding work.

She is really not being unreasonable in not wanting to discuss it with you.

yabu.

Put it this way - you confide in a professional person like a GP - wouldn't you be pissed off to learn that she breaks confidentiality but that it's ok because it's a "trustworthy friend" she is talking to?

Would you confide in her in the same position?

YABU and you're making this all about yourself. It isn't.

YABU, and very self centred.

I have a voluntary job that requires very strict confidentiality, and it really shocked me the first time so called friends asked about some of the cases. It was clear they only wanted gossip and a few juicy stories. I sometimes come home thinking a lot about things that I can't even tell my husband, and some people want me to break confidentiality just for their own amusement because they 'won't tell'.

The fact that you would even ask makes you the last person she should tell, even if she did choose to risk her job.

YABU, I don't even discuss confidential work stuff with my husband.