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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to take my 3yr old DS to ballet classes?

63 replies

choceyes · 17/01/2012 12:05

I know my DH will be Hmm at me, but I've found a ballet class in town for 3-5yr olds and planning to take my DS to it.

Is it unusual for a boy to learn ballet? I think I will draw the line at buying him ballet shoes. The instructor said barefoot was fine.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Seeline · 17/01/2012 12:06

Not if it's something your DS wants to do. My DD started ballet at 2.5 and there were 1 or 2 boys in her class.

Seeline · 17/01/2012 12:07

BTW boys usually have black ballet shoes so don't worry about them being pink with ribbons Grin

DawnOfTheDee · 17/01/2012 12:08

YANBU. I bet he won't be the only one either. And it's good fun, great for balance & co-ordinations...I'm sure he'll love it Smile

carrotsandcelery · 17/01/2012 12:08

My ds started ballet at that age. It was his choice. He saw his big sister going and wanted to go too.

After a while he became aware that he was the only boy and switched to another form of dance that was heavily populated with more boys his age.

It is not something I would force a boy to do though. Mind you, I wouldn't force a girl to do it either. Grin

funnypeculiar · 17/01/2012 12:09

Does your ds want to go/enjoy dance? If so, then of course YANBU

Ds does dance classes (he's nearly 8) - and there has always been at least one a boy in dd's class. Black or white ballet shoes are fairly easily available if he likes it & wants to carry on.

choceyes · 17/01/2012 12:09

My DS doesnt' know what ballet is, but he likes music and dancing.
I did have visions of pink ballet shoes with ribbons, but just been having a look online and they do some for boys too in non gender specific colours.

OP posts:
lolaflores · 17/01/2012 12:10

my friend's son goes. he loves it and it gives him an opportunity to have a good old mess about to some degree. it is not about masculinity, it is about expression. Please refer your husband to the perception of ballet and men in russia. this attitude is a stupid philistine left over from the stone ages. would it be better if he did hip-hop, street dance or jazz tap? you go on with your plan. lets not have a billy elliot situation. he will have beautiful posture, an appreciationn of music and a way with the ladies that no other lad will have a clue about.

fridgeraiders · 17/01/2012 12:10

DS started ballet at 4, now on second term. He is the only boy in the class but loves it! Boys wear black ballet shoes, black shorts and white socks and t-shirt (or leotard) to class. Its really good for posture, balance, etc. I've had a few comments but do not give a flying arabesque what others say! Grin

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 17/01/2012 12:10

It is unusual, there are far more girls who do ballet but when my girls were that age there were a couple of boys in the class.

When I was a child there were 2 brothers who did ballet classes right the way through and now they are both famous dancers Smile

I think my husband would think I was mad taking a boy too but if your DS wants to go I would say go for it

Ephiny · 17/01/2012 12:10

I think it's more popular with girls, but no reason boys can't go. There are male ballet dancers, after all, they must have all started classes at one point! Three seems pretty young though - or is that normal?

I'm confused why you wouldn't buy him the proper shoes because he's a boy (they don't just come in pink!). Or do you just want to let him have a try and see if he likes it before buying stuff?

choceyes · 17/01/2012 12:12

It is a drop in class, so not tied into paying for a term at a time. So if he doesn't like it we don't have to keep going. I just think at that age, he has no idea what is a girl's type of dance or a boys one, so trying to take advantage of that before he rebels and wants to do street dancing instead!

OP posts:
choceyes · 17/01/2012 12:15

ephiny - yes I will buy him shoes. will just go to the one class first and see if he likes it first.

OP posts:
tryingtoleave · 17/01/2012 12:16

It's a tricky one. We have been talking about finding a class for dd, who is 3, and ds (5) has started fussing about going too. He even got very upset when I told him men didn't dance en pointe. Considering he leaps from one short lived enthusiasm to the next and is starting school in two weeks and will have enough on his plate getting used to it and socializing with new children, I'm not sure whether to do anything about it or not.

tryingtoleave · 17/01/2012 12:18

Hmmm, maybe a drop in class would be the way to go... I suspect ballet schools are quite keen to get boys in, maybe they would allow some kind of trial even if they don't normally.

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 17/01/2012 12:18

I'm with lola, ballet is really quite manly. Look at Russian male ballet dancers if you aren't sure. I would also recommend watching something about professional ballet and you will see that it is not at all a 'girly' thing to do (I recently watched the year with the Royal Ballet series on the Iplayer and almost keeled over at how hardcore these guys are).

Also on a personal note I have fond memories of a boy at my primary school who was very into ballet dancing and was drop dead gorgeous and not even the tiniest bit 'camp' or 'girly', in fact he was very confident and athletic. All the girls were terribly in love with him :o

fuzzpig · 17/01/2012 12:19

Go for it! My DS would love it if we could afford lessons. When he's older he might be more conscious of it being "too girly" so make the most of it while he's young :)

DressDownFriday · 17/01/2012 12:24

When my DD went to ballet classes there were 2 boys there. I helped out at the yearly show once and one of them told me he'd prefer to do football Grin

Fast forward 3/4 years and I recently saw the other boy in a show so he'd obviously moved onto a theatre group - which may be an option for your DS if he continues to enjoy singing and dancing.

Fo0ffyShmo0ffer · 17/01/2012 12:26

Yanbu. Take him. My dd is 3 and goes to Ballet. Her best friend there is boy. They both adore it. Exercise, socialising, fun it's excellent.

Fo0ffyShmo0ffer · 17/01/2012 12:27

Oh and my DS goes too. Ballet, Tap, Modern. He is almost 10 and a real boys boy.

bettybat · 17/01/2012 12:49

On a general note, encourage him to do whatever he'd like to do. You wouldn't stop your little girl from playing football, right?

On a specific ballet note - no way in hell will any of my (future) children be doing ballet. I did ballet from a very young age - I did well at it, saw many tutors and teachers and professionals. Who all said I shouldn't bother carrying on past the age of eight, as they could all tell I wouldn't grow into the "correct" shape. I was watching Dancing on Ice the other night, and the Hollyoaks girl said she had pretty much the same experience - only they said she was overweight as a child and shouldn't bother carrying on.

Even though I was just doing it for fun and had no thoughts about being a professional, this absolutely devastated me.

They put children in pointe way, way, way too early and regardless of what kind of parent you have (in other words, not the pushy stage parents), the teachers generally tend to be adhering to that very specialised body-fascist ballet type.

An ex, whose mother was an ex professional ballerina, had similar stories - of children being x-rayed at five years old and turned away because they wouldn't grow into the right kind of body shape.

There's no way I'd want to expose my children to that kind of absurd pressure and criticism. I'm sure all your children have lovely teachers, I couldn't possibly say otherwise...

But I had several teachers, in different cities, and they were all the same: demanding, critical, bullying and putting ideas into my young head about body shapes that I should not have been exposed to. My parents had absolutely no idea until the "professionals" rejected me for my wrong body type. My rib cage would grow too wide, apparently Hmm

AnnaBegins · 17/01/2012 12:53

Go for it! Ballet is so good for teaching discipline and self control, as well as being great for strength.

As others have said, boys tend to wear shorts and t-shirt and black ballet shoes.

If your DH is Hmm show him some videos of male dancers, especially doing partner work (e.g Vadim Muntagirov, or the sword fighting scene in Romeo and Juliet) - they are so strong to lift their partners and so impressive! Not girly at all! Bound to win him round.

AtYourCervix · 17/01/2012 12:56

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Mishy1234 · 17/01/2012 13:02

I would go for it. If he enjoys it then great, if not he doesn't have to go back.

My mum taught ballet and my brother did it for a while. After a while it was clear he wasn't enjoying it so he stopped. No problem.

lolaflores · 17/01/2012 13:04

bettybat ballet world has a long and illustrious history of narcissim and body facism as you point out. But, I think the littlies get fun out of galloping around, expression through mime and wearing little tutus. Mine loves lining up although she is half shetland pony (really really gallops, like its the grand national). At this age I would really hope it is about building in a future appreciation of all types of dance.

lolaflores · 17/01/2012 13:05

Also, break down ideas that are homophobic.

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