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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn off DHs bedside light before I go to sleep?

63 replies

sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 09:58

DH likes to read in bed before going to sleep.

I like the room dark in order to get to sleep.

He normally switches his bedside light on and then proceeds to watch TV downstairs, before coming upstairs and reading. My theory is that if I am in bed alone, I have the right to turn off all lights in the room. His theory is that he should be OK to have his bedside light on for when he comes up to read.

Not a biggie I know Wink, but just wondered how others did the whole bedtime different go to sleep times / reading thing? I can't wear one of those eye cover things, as they just annoy me.

AIBU to get annoyed he wants to leave his bedside light on when he isn't even in the bedroom?

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 10:21

hmmm, maybe i need to find a dimmer light then.

lottieb - i guess i'm asking really aibu to ask my dh to leave a sidelight on when i'm trying to get to sleep (when he isn't in the room)? i wouldn't want him to turn any lights on when i'm asleep, but equally it annoys me if i go to bed first and he deliberately leaves his sidelight on and then watches tv downstairs.

OP posts:
pictish · 17/01/2012 10:23

My dh comes to bed later than me, and likes to read. He just switches the light on when he comes in. As is right.

squeakytoy · 17/01/2012 10:26

This reminds me though of the times I have got up to go to the loo, switched the lamp on, so that I can see and not trip up over the dog who is generally sprawled somewhere between the bed and the bathroom. Came back from the loo about a minute later to total darkness again.

He had woke up, leant over, and switched the light out. Angry

What does amuse me is,my husband can fall asleep on the sofa, with all the lights on, telly on, dog running around and making noise, me tapping away on the PC, and yet a very low lamp and a page being turned can keep him awake.. Hmm

lottiegb · 17/01/2012 10:26

I must admit I like it when DP is away overnight for work and I can go to bed and read comfortably in my own time without being concerned about waking him, or him interrupting me. If he's awake he'll usually talk to me, about nothing much, when I get into bed, thus occupying my precious reading time. I don't go and talk to him when he's reading.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 10:27

pictish - but putting a sidelight on when you're asleep????!!! i think that's even worse than leaving it on. doesn't that wake you up? maybe i'm just a light sleeper.

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 10:29

lottie - if dh does come up and start reading, i do then start talking, as i can't get to sleep with the light on, and he then gets annoyed that his reading is being disturbed every couple of minutes. i just find it hard to switch off if i'm not in a dark room.

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Deux · 17/01/2012 10:30

We have had this dilemma over the years and have solved it using a multi-pronged approach. Smile

We have those touch dimmer lamps with low wattage bulbs. The lowest setting is not intrusive. DH has a clip on book light. I have a kindle with light built into the cover. Harmony.

DiscoDaisy · 17/01/2012 10:30

My OH and myself leave each other's lights on so that the person who is later to bed has a light to read by.
I have a Kindle with a lighted cover so I tend to turn my light off as soon as I get into bed and read using that.

SilentBoob · 17/01/2012 10:33

Tell him you want him to sit in the dark downstairs while you;re asleep in case you decide to come down for a glass of water without blinding yourself on harsh lighting.

lottiegb · 17/01/2012 10:35

sheep so you want total continuous darkness from the moment you go to bed? Are you really saying then that raeding in bed is not acceptable, however it is lit? Or would you tolerate a small head-torch or similar when he's in bed?

If it matters that much you are asking him to change an ingrained habit and do all his reading elsewhere, which he could rpobably do if he thought about but would take a bit of adapting to.

I've read in bed since I learnt to read - a continuum from being read bed-time stories - and, as a night-owl (DP is a lark) it is a natural thing to do and the most relaxing, comfortable and quiet place to do it. I will sometimes go and sit in bed during the day to read. I could read elsewhere before coming to bed but part of the pleaseure is reading until you find your eyes shutting, then being able to put the book down and go to sleep almost instantly. It's a wonderful way of letting the brain wind down and determine when it wants to sleep.

pictish · 17/01/2012 10:36

OP - you can't expect him to never switch the light on to read ffs!
I agree it needn't be on if he's not there....but if you are expecting him to not read in bed, because the light disturbs you, then yabu.
You need a light on to read. Deal with it.

AgathaCrusty · 17/01/2012 10:37

The whole reading in bed if I'm trying to sleep annoys me. Lights, or just the light from a tablet, flickery stuff and wriggling. I can't stand the wriggling that people do when reading in bed, turning pages and jabbing at screens and all that. Puts me in a proper bad mood Angry

Robotindisguise · 17/01/2012 10:38

I think this is a real sticking point for some people. I know DH would love to read when he comes to bed (at around 1am) but it would wake me up (I've always been a very light sleeper, even more so since having DD) and it would take me a good half hour after he eventually deigned to turn out the light for me to get back to sleep. So it's a complete no no for me.

NewYearEverything · 17/01/2012 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 10:40

I'm happy for him to have a dimmer lightbulb to put in his side light and totally happy with him using book light thing (as I say he had one of those, but never got on with it, but I'll look into those. His last one was quite a cheapie, so maybe we need to get a better quality one).

Like you, he enjoys snuggling under the duvet and reading. I don't want to stop him having that, it's just the light on prevents me getting off to sleep. It doesn't matter if we go to bed at the same time, as it takes me a while to switch off anyway, but I get annoyed if I'm in the room alone with his sidelight left on. It's that situation that I was asking if IABU or not.

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lottiegb · 17/01/2012 10:41

The talking is unreasonable in my view and makes you just as inconsiderate as you think your DP is being. You are preventing him from winding down. Why does being unable to switch off have to involve talking (so preventing the other person from switching off)?

LordGiveMeStrength · 17/01/2012 10:41

Sounds like our house. But thankfully once i'm asleep, i'm pretty much dead to the world. So I turn off the lights when i go to bed, and whenever DH comes up from watching Match of the DAy or whatever he'll then put on his dim bedside lamp to read. Thankfully i'm blissfully unaware that any of this has happened.

I like someone's suggestion of an eye mask though if you are a lighter sleeper.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 10:42

I will def look into booklight things and try to make sure we get a lighter one. I think his cheap one last time was too heavy, if I remember right. I know he didn't get on with it, which is why he doesn't use it now.

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JsOtherHalf · 17/01/2012 10:45

I have a dimmer plug, into which I plug a normal light (ordinary bulb, not energy saving). I can then vary the light to the level I want.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mercury-Dimmer-Switch/dp/B000LAU04K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326796988&sr=8-1

lottiegb · 17/01/2012 10:45

Well it sounds as though there are lots of possible solutions then. Either manage things so you can go to bed at the same time, or persuade him to get a better reading light. I like sleeping the in dark too. It's just fortunte that DP doesn't mind too much having my bedside light on (he faces the other way to go to sleep).

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 10:46

lottie - i talk because the side light keeps me awake and keeps my mind whirring over, things i'd forgotten about etc, because i can't get to sleep. you're right, it'd be in both our interests to find a solution so i can get to sleep and dh can read!

... thanks for posts

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squeakytoy · 17/01/2012 10:47

My MIL spent nearly 40 years putting up with my FIL who insisted that they both go to bed at the same time. He would then sit there reading, munching and crunching on toffees, rolling cigarettes and smoking them, while she tried to sleep!!. They also only had a double bed, not even a king size.

Now THAT would be intolerable!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 17/01/2012 10:47

Whoever is first in bed turns their light off and leaves the other one on, so that the person who is later can see to get into bed and read if they want without banging about in the dark.

OP I think you are BU. I am generally the owl in this house and I would be pissed off if DH took your stance. Can you not get a very dim light and then sleep facing away from it? That is what we do.

ArielNonBio · 17/01/2012 10:48

Here's what we do - I leave his bedside lamp on the floor next to his side of the bed. Nice and dim :)

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 17/01/2012 10:49

JsOtherHalf - perfect, haven't seen that. thanks for posting.

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