Thinking about relocating - AIBU?

[northcountrygirl]

Have 3 children. Eldest 2 are twins (boy and girl) and just about to transfer to high school. It's the "best" high school in my town. Youngest DD is just about to start primary. Again (if we get in - which we probably will) it's a really good school - 3rd highest on league tables. Good ofsted report etc.

Problem is - my town is an absolute shit hole. It really is. No nice way of saying this. I went into town today with the girls and I couldn't believe how bad it's got - loads of pound shops. a "brighthouse", pay day loan shops, ambulance chaser solicitors etc etc. I've looked at the predictions for the town and it's not going to get any better.

At the moment we live in what is considered the best postcode in the town. But we are a "pocket" surrounded by deprived areas in a bloody horrible town. The plan was always to move out of the area but we were originally going to wait until the children had finished their education. I'm now rethinking that. I just don't feel that I want to give my 11 year olds the freedom that I had - because of the area I live in. I know a lot of their friends go to town on their own, and go to the cinema etc on their own but I just don't think the area we live in is safe enough.

I've been looking at houses in areas that I want to live. We would have to downsize considerably, but I really feel it would be worth it to live in a "nice" neighbourhood. We could afford to make this move now - albeit that the children would have to accept smaller bedrooms.

Should I do it now? Or wait until they have left school? (Children are DD1 -11, DS1 -11 and DD2 4).

What would others do?

Oh I know it will - I know he's a bit soft but I love him to bits.

It's more that I worry about them getting a bit of freedom - the town centre is a much scarier place then when I was there age. I'm a pretty tough "yorkshire lass" and I honestly don't feel comfortable going out on a night there anymore.

Compos - the lovely park - yes it is lovely but it's filled with complete scanks! Have you been in the last year or 2? Cos it's gone right downhill! I live just up the road from there so took the kids on a nice sunny day. The toddler area has benches by it - ALL the benches were occupied by people drinking special brew/ tennants extra.

My eldest daughter couldn't get on the zip wire cos the were a "gang" of particularly obnoxious teenagers hogging it.

And the swearing.

I used to like Greenhead Park but we don't go though now - we prefer Manor Park in Halifax.

What about the other practicalities of moving? Do you have a DH/DP? Do you both work? Would you be able to move somewhere nicer & still be able to commute or would it mean new jobs? Do you have an area in mind to move to and would you be likely to get good local school places for all three DCs there (bearing in mind that the admission deadlines for September have been and gone now)?

If everything fits & you are serious about wanting to move then I would say do it now if you can - before all three DCs start new schools in September seems like the perfect opportunity. Just be sure it's really what you want first .

a "gang" of particularly obnoxious teenagers hogging it

I did, went just before Xmas with my friend and his child. If you'd been there then you may have seen a couple of silly sods the wrong side of 30 (cough, cough) on the zip wire.

Actually I wasn't thinking about right now Popoozle but your right - why not?

Yes I have a DH - all he needs is to be near a motorway as he works all over (in construction). I work locally but can also work remotely. Or I could get another job -would probably get more money too if I went full time.

I do have an area in mind (north yorkshire - ideally york or tadsaster). My husband has a different area in mind though (ripponden).

I was originally thinking about getting all 3 through education - so 14 years time. Then the last few weeks I've been thinking it needs to be sooner but didn't really have a timeframe in mind. I could do it now though.

I need to think about this as now would obviously be a perfect time to do it.

Yeah compos but I bet you wouldn't have kicked me in the head!

Did you not se the people with special brew? Or is that just a seasonal thing?

And oldmumsy - thats what I want!

If you're going to move northcountry, IMO, your options are move now, move just before youngest DC goes to secondary or wait until after they've all completed school. Your schools are good, so really comes down to you and DH and where you want to be. Follow your instincts. Best of luck!

I'd say go now before your DC are teenagers wanting to go out and about in the evenings or at weekends.

Wow - I read your OP and thought 'I bet it's Huddersfield'! I bet I can guess the school too, but I shan't. I know exactly what you mean - I worked there about seven years ago and town was scary after dark.

The thing with there is you can relocate pretty close and get all the benefits of the M62 corridor without living in any of the big towns. Or do you not even want to feed into Huddersfield?

I personally always would pick location over size of property.

North Yorkshire v expensive, Tadcaster not as bad but York upwards is overpriced IMO. But understand the appeal, much nicer.

Hmm.

We live in a town I hate. It really affects me - I want to live my life in a place I like, that I enjoy living in.

No way am I bringing up my child here - we live here for jobs atm, but will absolutely definitely be moving in the next couple of years!

I think that it's really important, for both you personally and as a family. How depressing to live and bring up your children in a place you think is sad and grim. So my first instinct is to say MOVE. Move somewhere that will give you a spring in your step and make you feel happy and positive, because that will rub off on you all.

HOWEVER - your post focuses on your children, so to leave your feelings aside for the moment - what do they think of where you live? Do you think they'd be happier moving? Have you asked them?

When you have grown up somewhere, your perception of it is so different... My home town isn't actually that different in many ways from where I am now. Very deprived in places. But it's my home town, so I feel totally differently about it and could happily move back (to certain areas )

Ask your kids and also think about what the real BENEFITS to moving would be (as opposed to losing the negatives iyswim).

In your position, yes I would move now - rather than live a 'wishing your life away' existence for the next 14 years!

And yes I'm not far from Huddersfield and in your position I'd be off to York like a rat out of a drainpipe.

Oh, and to answer your actual question, I say go now and don't worry about friends. If you move to a nicer area you will be less nervous for your son so he will meet people ok. I think a huge amount is said about not moving kids but they cope. Obviously in Year 10/11 is bad but tbh if I thought a move would make the whole family's quality of life better I would move any other stage.

Wrt to parks, even the 'nicest' areas have 'yoofs' hanging around, in fact ime the nicer the area the more hanging around there is in parks as there is sod all else for them to do.

I love Greenhead Park, we always go there when we visit family.

I agree with compos

All parks have young people in them and rightly so, but not all parks feel threatening. Where I used to live had young and old people smoking pot plus rather scary dogs in the park. Now I live somewhere different and my local park is much friendlier.

I'd move now personally. 14 years is a long time to live somewhere you don't want to. Why is change always viewed as a bad thing?

If handled well, it could equip your dcs with some good social skills. I'm hoping to move to London from Edinburgh soon for 4 years, have an adventure in Sydney for 4 years, then back to London for the dcs starting high school. Different situaton from you due to different ages but one move before your eldest hits high school would be worth it to live in a better area. No brainer for me.

I live in leafy Surrey in a very nice town, but my son quit cubs because it was too rough, I thought it was him, not the fault of those squatter shops we sometimes get.

By the way I grew up in the area you want to go to - and while it may look nice on the surface it has the same problems underneath.
I'm not there anymore so can't give a current picture - but both places you mentioned had a rough reputation when you dug below the surface.
Also everywhere now has those crappy shops... its a sign of the economic times unfortunately.

Move to York.

Move. Huddersfield is only going to get worse. And I wouldn't move North either, not if the recession continues for the next 10 years as predicted(or flat growth).

I lived in Scotland during the strikes and the north east during the early 90's recession - I wouldn't move back.

If you're not happy move. You're right, it's not going to get any better. And moving now is much better than 3/4 years down the line.

I'd have put the line about the police helicopter hovering over your house all the time and alcoholics congregating in the park in your OP. A place that's poor can be a perfectly nice place to live. A place where you feel uncomfortable taking your children to the park in the middle of the day and crime is rising is not a great place to be.

Move to York

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York city centre at night can be like a particularly boozy wild west town. Too many pubs in close proximity, albeit with scared looking Japanese tourists wondering what they've walked into.

I would move, I am actually thinking of moving this year for much the same reasons as you. The area I am living in at the moment is not an environment I want my DD growing up in, I would be frightened to let her out to play or go to someone's house, luckily my DD is young at the minute so we don't have the school disruption issue to worry about. Reading your post has made my mind up for definite, I don't want to be stuck here in another 10 years and regretting it.

I love York and so do the kids. We go there quite a lot but admittedly only for days out and short breaks.

Theresasparechair - the school you guessed - is it the one with a good choir? Also ideally No - I don't even want to feed into Huddersfield. In a few years the twins are going to want to go into town with their friends and I don't want them going into Huddersfield on a night. It's not the same town I grew up in and I do feel my kids aren't as streetwise as I was in any case. I was allowed to roam all over the place but I just don't feel comfortable letting them do the same.

Thecrunch - that's the dilema really re children's "wants". The girls are fine - DD2 who's 4 is gonna have to make new friends at school anyway. DD1 (11) is very confident and would love to move - she just likes change really. It's my son that makes me reticent. He's had some horrendous bullying issues which really affected his self confidence. For the first time in years he actually has a smile on his face and seems really happy and confident - but he's so fragile and I do worry how he would cope with a move.

And I forgot to mention wrt the park - in addition to the special brew swiggers they were also the dope smokers.

mummytime - it was my sons fault re cubs. The other kids were all really nice - he's just a bit "sensitive" really...

Stuckinthefens - was it Ripponden or Tadcaster? I do also like York which always seems nice.

Robbie and mildlynarky - I know it's gonna get worse. I've been looking at the population forecasts and the predictions are that the "economically inactive" is going to grow by a lot. And it's already so high as it is (almost 50%).

Composhat - i've been out late(ish) in York with the kids and I fealt so much safer than in Huddersfield. We've been a couple of times on the ghost walks and got home about 9.30ish and it seemed fine. I have been out later than that with DH but maybe I was too boozed up to notice. it has been known

Lastly - anyone want to buy a house in hudds? Recently refurbished, nice and big, added protection of police helicopter, plus close to several places to "score"?

Abiggirl - do you know I even moved back here specifically for the schools! I really had no idea it was like this. I feel like I've been walking round with blinkers on. And now they're off and I'm starting to see the town for what it is...