AIBU to be slightly aghast at invitation to a baby shower... for chum's second pregnancy??

[cheeseycharlie]

Obvs I'll be going along and enjoying copious amounts of cake but all the same it strikes me as a bit of a sauce (as granny would have said). Bit much, no?

I am currently planning a Blessingway (a bit like a baby shower, but more mother focussed and less presenty) for a friend who is having her second. The reason I decided to do it for her is because I know she is working her arse off looking after DC1, and I wanted to make a fuss of her, and for her to see how much support she had from her friends, before she got even more snowed under with DC2. It's just a special day to pamper her and have fun.

This is hilarious half the threads say, "Oh these are vulgar and grasping so American." and the other half say, "Oh, I loved hosting mine at Mothercare. . ."

So it sounds less like a transatlantic cultural divide and more like a divide between people with manners and people without.

As PPs have pointed out, a baby shower in America is an opportunity to acquire vests, receiving blankets, nappies etc. -- things you need for your first baby. If you have a problem with giving these things to a friend, don't go to the shower. And, if your friend invites you to Mothercare for a glass of white wine and a shakedown, that says more about your friend than the tradition of baby showers.

Thanks GML - been feeling a bit paranoid through the schoolrun that all my friends were thinking I'm grabby, but you're right, they wouldn't, because they're my friends.

Also yes it was "more mother-focused and less presenty" so although I was a bit cautious about buying stuff before baby (had late miscarriage first time round) somehow this didn't feel the same.

I really like the Amercian traditions that I know of; the problem is when they're 'imported' here by people who get the gist but not the sense and what we have then can often become some grotesque parody at its worst. I think the UK version bears little resemblance to the lovely American tradition.

Aw I love baby showers. But i think they are usually thrown rather than arranged by mother-to-be. Don't think I've been to any for second children though before I had my second, I went out to dinner with a group of close friends, a sort of last supper...

And I didn't have it at Mothercare! Just at home.

And also I said to them "don't worry, it's not going to be some ghastly American thing, just tea and lots of cake" (apologies to the Americans on the thread. The actual history/ones you've been to sound nice. It would've been great to get lots of nappies! My only previous experience before my own was watching the Sex and the City episode where they go to one).

I think the American origins of Babyshowers is neither here nor there, and I find dismissing it as tacky and American is very rude towards Americans! (NB. I am not from America)

NannyOgg what is a BlessingWay? Sounds interesting.

Attended a Blessingway recently. It was very emotional and so different - a wonderful way to support a friend. Felt a bit sad when the ribbon was cut even though that meant the baby was on the way

I have no idea at all how or why Badedas works, but it most definitely does - my section healed beautifully and quickly! It's magic in a bottle :) Plus it was a fantastic incentive to give myself a regular hour or so of 'me' time after DD was born.

Don't feel obliged to give the baby gift too, personally I would keep that for when the baby arrives as originally planned.

Opinions on baby showers obviously vary widely, as well as how they should be conducted! Try and enjoy it (and the cake) and I hope your friend enjoys it too.

I have def found in the US that at times if great change the community rallies around. Meals are always provided, small practical gifts are dropped off etc. I have seen this happen for people suffering (bereavement, illness, house burnt down) and celebrating (birth mainly but also house moves). It is just the done thing to help out neighbors and they will help out you when you need it.

^I'm always amazed on these shower/wedding present threads how much you must all hate your friends. How sad.

If I were to be asked to something like this I'd think "how lovely, a chance to get together with Gertrude before she gets snowed under with Baby". My first thought wouldn't be, "God that Gertrude's a greedy cow", because she's my friend and I know she's not.

You all seriously need new friends.^

Hear bloody hear. Also see - weddings.

A blessingway (or Mother's Blessing) is a lot like a baby shower, but generally more spiritual and focussed on nurturing the mother. There don't have to be presents, but if there are, they are for the mother, not the baby.
How you go about it depends on the mother, some are more like a celebratory ritual, and some are more social this is a fair summary pregnancy.about.com/cs/blessingway/a/aa102202a.htm

YABU

I'd love to go to a baby shower but no-one I know has had one. I might have to organise one for a pregnant friend myself.

Thinking about it, with the cost of nappies it wouldn't work out as a cheap present anyway!!!

My extended family throw babyshowers - I didn't have one because I live on the other side of the world (and no, it wasn't the US!) They were always get togethers for siblings, cousins and good friends (often a relative anyway!), a chance to catch up, help out, buy a small 'mothering' gift - with LOTS of nattering and laughing.

TBH I don't think I really appreciated how wonderful they were until I had my own DSs. I would have LOVED the opportunity to catch up with loved ones who you just don't get to see all that often, and had some moral support for the upcoming birth.

Lying, I like that phrase about 'people who get the gist, but not the sense'.

I think it's lovely to get together before the baby and if you would have bought a present once the baby had arrived, then I can't really see the difference in getting it before the baby comes as that's more helpful to the parents. I think it's about the motivation behind the shower - you know if your friend just wants to get together with her mates and the pressies are incidental. Holding a shower at Mothercare, is a clue that you 'friend' is the other type.

I'm expecting a 3rd. Had a baby shower/party, whatever with first and some of my friends brought presents, but mainly I just wanted their company. After a rubbish pregnancy this time I was considering having a baby shower/pregnancy/just a gathering type party for my friends at my house. Not because I want presents, but I'd quite like to have the excuse to invite my friends over before I'm pretty incommunicado with a newborn.
Thankfully most of them are childless so won't feel obliged to bring anything but cake and wine.
OP - you don't have to see it as an excuse to ask you for a present, your chum may just want to have a bit of fun chatting with you.