AIBU to be slightly aghast at invitation to a baby shower... for chum's second pregnancy??

[cheeseycharlie]

Obvs I'll be going along and enjoying copious amounts of cake but all the same it strikes me as a bit of a sauce (as granny would have said). Bit much, no?

grabby and bit weird to do it before baby has arrived.

I hate the baby shower concept.

Friend of a friend held hers in mamas and papas complete with glass of warm white wine, bowl of twiglets and a baby shower list so that guests could cough up purchase lovely gift at her their convenience.

I think they are vulgar and grasping in that incarnation. A group of pals getting together to celebrate imminent new arrival and choosing some nice things for it is a bit different.

If its just a get-together with friends (which is nice, of course), then why not call it that? The word shower does seem to imply being showered with gifts.

Ooh 10 points for "Americanism" Tis a good MN bingo thread

Wait wait wait.

I grew up in the US - and certainly where I was, you didn't arrange your own baby shower - friends arrange them for you - as a surprise!!!

I mean, everyone knows they are going to happen, like you know if your friends are going to throw you a surprise birthday party - but you don't do it yourself.

I am currently organising a baby shower (here in UK) for a colleague but she doesn't know it's happening!

I hate them so YANBU.

But it seems to be more common here these days.

I can't stand baby showers and would never go to one if asked.

If your mate/relative is pregnant and you want to buy them a gift then fine

But to hold a 'shower' well it just seems rather vulgar and OTT to me.

TuesPM - yeah, I love that. Because Americans sneak around Britain pointing guns at people's heads and forcing them to eat junk food, celebrate Halloween, and hold baby showers.

Otherwise, British people would celebrate significant events by dancing on the village green and drinking the squire's ale.

YY Revolting

I've no opinion on whether one should have a shower for the second child, but I just had to say that in the States (at least where I come from) the mother doesn't throw the shower. Usually a friend or auntie throws the baby shower, invites people, and then surprises the mum-to-be by telling her there is going to be a party. I would never dream of throwing myself a baby shower.

I find the whole concept uncomfortable as celebrating somthing that has not yet happened (and could yet go wrong) seems to me in very bad taste. I'm so glad they are not commonplace here. Though, are they beginning to replace christenings as the celebratory oppportunity for a child? I hope not, I'd rather focus on an alternative post-natal celebration.

I can see the idea of acquiring things you need and wouldn't have - and yes, I will be buying things for my own baby before it's born, as would be just impractical otherwise but, it's the celebratory element I find uncomfortable.

That has no bearing on whether it's ok to do it twice! As a social gathering regonising the impending event, I'd have thought ok, with an expectation of significant gifts, not really and in poor taste, rather like havng a massive wedding list second time round.

Ah, I see that RevoltingPeasant got there first. Ah well RP, you can't hold it against someone if they imitate an American tradition and get it all wrong. Although I'm sure there are some in America who are grasping beotches with no manners who throw their own showers. But I don't know anyone like that.

Hormones have a lot to answer for, we had a gift list for my 2nd daughters Christening, I still cringe. It seemed like a good idea at the time to avoid duplicates of the shite essential baby goods we already had.

Yes, exactly missus - it's like when kids here go trick or treating and expect money and people call that 'grasping and American'.

Has it not occurred to these people that the offenders are not American and therefore they just be, oooh I don't know, greedy and graspy all on their own?

A baby shower is just (or should be) just a girly night in with closest friends, a few token gifts for the mum-to-be/baby, and a chatty evening prior to the mother having her baby and being pretty much exhausted and not in the mood for socialising for a couple of months.. they dont need to be extravagant or expensive.

I'm really not a fan of baby showers anyway, think they're a bit American and cheesy and I think I'm a bit old fashioned in the sense that I think baby should be safe and sound in Mum's arms before you start celebrating. Sorry I know that sounds maubid but my friend had a baby shower for her 1st, no complications in the pregnancy, the next day she gave birth and it died within minutes.
But even before that happened I've never really liked them.

The history of them in the US is quite different from the UK imitations.
It used to be when women gathered together to help provide for the new baby (a bit like buying house gifts for a couple who were marrying), and would have a 'woman's talk' about giving birth & being a mum. Think early pioneer days & barn raising type things.

now, of course, it's updated. but still the idea is to get gifts to help ease the cost of the new baby, and to have some female time before the new mum gets caught up in newborn baby world.

Also, in the US, it is far more the custom to have parties etc before an even, with the actual event being the kind of finale - therefore, Christmas stuff happens before & Christmas day is the final fling before returning to normality.

Def only for first borns, or if someone is expecting twins/has had a big gap & has no baby stuff etc.

Then the new parents are given some space, with meals dropped off for the first few weeks, before everyone expects to pile in & have a squeeze of the baby.

A 2nd, 3rd etc baby is just as important as the first. However, I find the whole idea of a baby shower vulgar and grasping.

Okay so i agree it is a good time to get girlfriends together before chum disappears off into baby land, but this is not so much a group of existing girl friends getting together, rather chum's best mates getting together all her disparate pals, and recommending while they are at it that we might all like to get her a(nother) gift.
I would have bought her/DC2 a gift anyway when DC 2 safely arrives but feel the niceness gift is somehow reduced now that I have been instructed to give it.

The organizers are not in the family way so probably all this subtext is not obvious to them. And maybe they just want a good excuse to eat lots of cake. Well we are all entitled to that.

LOVE the Badedas idea, I am most definitely giving that as shower gift, then problem solved. But someone please tell me how this has any effect on C-sec healing times??!! Most intrigued...

Charging for baby shower?

At the showers I've been to in the States, the gifts were 80% nappies, and the rest was bottles, baby bath, useful stuff that a new mum wouldn't have. Bringing nappies helps spread the cost around the family/friends a bit and everyone gets a turn. It's almost slightly socialist in a way. The mum doesn't get presents for herself. I agree it's a holdover from pioneer days. And a lot of the stuff gets passed around too, like here, when you finish with baby stuff you pass it on to the next friend who needs it.

I think they're fun but I can understand how some might not like celebrating until the baby had safely arrived. In my faith it's traditional not to buy anything until the baby comes, or tell anyone you're pregnant until it's obvious.

Oh dear. Clearly I am vulgar and grasping - I had one for all three of mine

I just saw it as an excuse to have my very best friends round for tea before disappearing into baby fog, and to bake lots of cakes. It wasn't about the presents (didn't ask for any) - but the friends. Was arranged for me by good friend as it happens; I probably wouldn't have done it otherwise as yes, "American".

Also not being American I didn't know one wasn't meant to have them for the other DC, and as I'd had one for the first, I thought I'd better have one for the others too as didn't want them to say "why did DD get a babyshower and not us?".

antsmarching is right. I'm American also. A baby shower is for the first baby only, to help out the new mum to get ready for the new baby. It's not a celebration (although everyone is very excited for her) and considered rude and in bad taste to even consider having a second one as you should have all the things you need by that time.

Oh, and you definitely don't charge for admission! You provide food, your guests bring the pressies.

I´m a bit like lottiegb-don´t like the idea of celebrating before baby has arrived.

Also wouldn´t have wanted presents before the birth tbh.

We didn´t buy anything until after the birth.

And the cot, highchair & moses basket that we were given stayed at my Mums until needed!

In some ways a bit daft as when you have your second, you´ve got all the "big stuff" ready & waiting!

I don't like them and therefore don't attend.

Meet up with friends - fine.

Shower someone with gifts - not fine.

at the charging entry and christening gift list.

I'm always amazed on these shower/wedding present threads how much you must all hate your friends. How sad.

If I were to be asked to something like this I'd think "how lovely, a chance to get together with Gertrude before she gets snowed under with Baby". My first thought wouldn't be, "God that Gertrude's a greedy cow", because she's my friend and I know she's not.

You all seriously need new friends.